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Alright last night i played in the nine handed donkefest and heard a pretty good story from one of the players. While in one of the hands someone makes a remark about his somebody's father making sex toys. we all laughed just thinking it was a joke but it turns out his father makes sex toys. The funniest part about this is the kid was telling us that his dad had a skill in makign things out of leather. So he makes tons of leather bondage stuff and sells them on the internet. THe whole time everyone at the table was rolling because the kid said he recalled applying for a scholarship and he had to put his dad's job on it. He didnt know what to do so he asked his teacher and his teacher was like wtf, just say he is self employed. For the rest of the night whenever someon was in a pot with the kid they would say check to the bondage kid. It wa pretty funny.This was one of the more amusing stories i have heard at the poker table in while what are some otheres you guys have come acros?. They dont necesarily have to be about poker just told at the poker table.

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both occured at hollywood Park Casino...1st one:I am playing 2-5 NL...there is this guy who is railing us and talking to this other dude at our table...they get in a small argument and decide that they wanted to play each other to determine who is better, but all of the seats are full...so the one dude who was standing tells a guy at our table he will pay him $50 for his seat...he agrees...he sits down right next to the guy(who is ghetto as hell) and they start talking stakes...they decide that they are going to bet 1,000 that based on the number of pots they are on together, whoever wins the most gets the money...they both buy a stack of whites(100's) from the floorman and put them to the side of the table...even before the first hand the ghetto guy grabs all the chips and says.."you can't win without any chips" and walks away...with nearly 2700...the guy ends of chasing him down and starts this huge fight in the middle of the casino ...attempting to beat the **** out of him...the ghetto guy turns around and decks him...knocks hium out cold...once he came to, the security guards and the floorman informed him that there was no way they were able to enforce side bet rules and that unfortunately the guy was out 1050 dollars!! Second one...I was at the 4-8 limit tables...near the Omaha tables...we start to hear the low rumble of an almost jackpot...then yes, the Jackpot...it was around 17000K, this ghetto ass guy hit it...got so excited that he jumped on top of the table took off all of his clothes...and started singing my girl...when the security guards came over he wouldnt stop...they ended up beating him down...and arresting him...I don't think he ever got his Jackpot...

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I forgot about this one...this is harshI am sitting at a 2-5NL table at the Hollywood Park...there is this young cocky kid and an old ass woman who have been berating each other all night...every time she bet he would raise, and vice versa....they were spitting crude comments back and forth all night....then finally this hand happened....Kid raises to 25 UTGOLD reraises to 100Kid callsflop AK2kid bets 100 Lady smooth callsturn Kthis qualifies the hand for jackpot...so everyone gets excited, jumps out of there chairs and watches with great anticipation...Kid bets 200Lady goes all in...Kid calls instantly and throws down AA for the nut boat...the river is inconsequential...we are all hanging on the edge of our seats to see what she has....she holds her cards up and shows KK...for the nuts and the jackpot hand....everyone at the table goes wild...as the dealer is pushing the chips toward her she says "hold on.." and tosses the cards into the muck...we all flip out...the kid goes craz...."what the **** did you do that for?""because kid...you look like you could use the money and I don't...."

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I forgot about this one...this is harshI am sitting at a 2-5NL table at the Hollywood Park...there is this young cocky kid and an old ass woman who have been berating each other all night...every time she bet he would raise, and vice versa....they were spitting crude comments back and forth all night....then finally this hand happened....Kid raises to 25 UTGOLD reraises to 100Kid callsflop AK2kid bets 100 Lady smooth callsturn Kthis qualifies the hand for jackpot...so everyone gets excited, jumps out of there chairs and watches with great anticipation...Kid bets 200Lady goes all in...Kid calls instantly and throws down AA for the nut boat...the river is inconsequential...we are all hanging on the edge of our seats to see what she has....she holds her cards up and shows KK...for the nuts and the jackpot hand....everyone at the table goes wild...as the dealer is pushing the chips toward her she says "hold on.." and tosses the cards into the muck...we all flip out...the kid goes craz...."what the **** did you do that for?""because kid...you look like you could use the money and I don't...."
sw?
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***snip crazy bad beat jackpot story***
If this wasn't horribly stolen from an article that has appeared in multiple magazines and other forums, it might be a good story.
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I forgot about this one...this is harshI am sitting at a 2-5NL table at the Hollywood Park...there is this young cocky kid and an old ass woman who have been berating each other all night...every time she bet he would raise, and vice versa....they were spitting crude comments back and forth all night....then finally this hand happened....Kid raises to 25 UTGOLD reraises to 100Kid callsflop AK2kid bets 100 Lady smooth callsturn Kthis qualifies the hand for jackpot...so everyone gets excited, jumps out of there chairs and watches with great anticipation...Kid bets 200Lady goes all in...Kid calls instantly and throws down AA for the nut boat...the river is inconsequential...we are all hanging on the edge of our seats to see what she has....she holds her cards up and shows KK...for the nuts and the jackpot hand....everyone at the table goes wild...as the dealer is pushing the chips toward her she says "hold on.." and tosses the cards into the muck...we all flip out...the kid goes craz...."what the **** did you do that for?""because kid...you look like you could use the money and I don't...."
that is so bad i wouyld be pissed, didnt everyone else at the table miss out on money also
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i finally got to recycle the "ATM" comment i read here awhile back. 2-table home game tourney this past sunday. among the games i play in here in LA, this one has the best players. i'd say in this game that out of 15 players only 1 was a total donk, maybe 9 were someplace midrange but still pretty solid, and then 5 players were very good, creative players you'd have to watch out for.i happened to be lucky enough to draw the table with the guy who was a total donk, and within the first hour he'd blown his buy-in and a rebuy--much of it to me by calling me down with only A10 against my set of 9s on a AQ933r board. we're talking 4000 chips total with blinds at 10-20 and 15-30 during that hour!more comically, to rebuy he had to borrow from the house and promise to pay it back when he was finished. after he lost almost all of his chips the second time, he asked, "is there an ATM around here?" i was like, "yeah, he's sitting in seat 4." everybody else cracked up, but he didn't quite grasp it.

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I took a bathroom break while playing 3/6, walk in, and bam, a huge old man ass. Apparantly this old, really fat man needed to pull his pants and underwear all the way down to take a leak in a urinal. It was hard to prevent tilt after that.

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I forgot about this one...this is harshI am sitting at a 2-5NL table at the Hollywood Park...there is this young cocky kid and an old ass woman who have been berating each other all night...every time she bet he would raise, and vice versa....they were spitting crude comments back and forth all night....then finally this hand happened....Kid raises to 25 UTGOLD reraises to 100Kid callsflop AK2kid bets 100 Lady smooth callsturn Kthis qualifies the hand for jackpot...so everyone gets excited, jumps out of there chairs and watches with great anticipation...Kid bets 200Lady goes all in...Kid calls instantly and throws down AA for the nut boat...the river is inconsequential...we are all hanging on the edge of our seats to see what she has....she holds her cards up and shows KK...for the nuts and the jackpot hand....everyone at the table goes wild...as the dealer is pushing the chips toward her she says "hold on.." and tosses the cards into the muck...we all flip out...the kid goes craz...."what the **** did you do that for?""because kid...you look like you could use the money and I don't...."
This was originally published in Bluff magazine 2 issues back i believe. It was also on espn.com. It also happened at Casino Arizona. It was also in a 6/12 NL game, not 2/5nl. It has also been discusssed on this msg board i think, as well as several other msg boards. Try not to plagarize stories that have been written in widely distributed publications next time. Check the link provided in previous post. Do you feel stupid yet?
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I forgot about this one...this is harshI am sitting at a 2-5NL table at the Hollywood Park...there is this young cocky kid and an old ass woman who have been berating each other all night...every time she bet he would raise, and vice versa....they were spitting crude comments back and forth all night....then finally this hand happened....Kid raises to 25 UTGOLD reraises to 100Kid callsflop AK2kid bets 100 Lady smooth callsturn Kthis qualifies the hand for jackpot...so everyone gets excited, jumps out of there chairs and watches with great anticipation...Kid bets 200Lady goes all in...Kid calls instantly and throws down AA for the nut boat...the river is inconsequential...we are all hanging on the edge of our seats to see what she has....she holds her cards up and shows KK...for the nuts and the jackpot hand....everyone at the table goes wild...as the dealer is pushing the chips toward her she says "hold on.." and tosses the cards into the muck...we all flip out...the kid goes craz...."what the **** did you do that for?""because kid...you look like you could use the money and I don't...."
Did you honestly think no-one on a poker forum had heard a story that has been published in almost every poker magazine??You're a loser.
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I took a bathroom break while playing 3/6, walk in, and bam, a huge old man ass. Apparantly this old, really fat man needed to pull his pants and underwear all the way down to take a leak in a urinal. It was hard to prevent tilt after that.
i'll reiterate this one, except the old man was sitting beside me at my table. he left the table saying "he had to talk to his wife," then did that.he may have also talked to his wife, but it did increase the hilarity.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA its just such a funny joke. I can't stop laughing. ARE YOU RETARTED HOW IS THIS A JOKE. HE CLEARLY GOT CAUGHT IN A LIE!
The Great Rule™ rears its ugly head."Retarded."Seriously... try insulting someone's intelligence without making a typo. I don't think it can be done. It's the infallible rule of the internet.
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Last summer I was playing in 2/5 NL game at about 3 AM and there was an old guy (I'd guess 65 or so) sitting on my right. Now I wasn't involved in the hand, it was down to the old guy and one other player two seats to his right. Some pretty decent action pre and post flop when I hear the old guy kind of mutter "I don't feel so good." I kinda look around and it seems no one heard what he said, so I just kind of casually slide my chair a little further to my left. I figure if the guy is gonna hurl I don't want it to be all over me. After the turn a guy puts a pretty healthy bet into old man who checks his hole cards and proceeds to pass out face down on the table, BAM! Me and the other player next to him kinda help raise him upright, where his eyes open but you could just tell there was no one home. We're asking if he's ok and stuff and he's kinda nodding yes so we let go of him and BAM right back down on the table. So we yell for the floor to call EMS and the dealer is quickly glancing from old man, to floor man, to chip rack in front of him. The floor tells him to help the old guy, apparently the dealer is in nursing school so he leaves his position guarding his chips and comes around to help the old man. So we lay him down on the floor and BAM he hits his head on the floor and immediately comes to again. However, this time he's coherent and little embarrassed, seems he lost control of his bodily functions when he passed out. So as we're there asking him if he's okay, he shouts out "Don't fold my hand, I think I've got it!" EMS shows up checks him over, he refuses to be taken to the hospital, he sits back at the table, pushes all in, gets the other guy to call, they deal the river. The old man takes the pot with like a nine high flush and proceeds to scoop his chips and leaves me sitting next to a pee covered chair. I ask the guy to my left afterwards: "That dude had a pretty big tell huh?"

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The Great Rule™ rears its ugly head."Retarded."Seriously... try insulting someone's intelligence without making a typo. I don't think it can be done. It's the infallible rule of the internet.
pretty gutsy, using "infallible"
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Its funny becase as I was reading this thread I thought that knght311's first two stories were probably BS -- then he pretends to be involved in that bad beat story. (Which in itself is a load of crap, no way its true)Prending to be involved in a story thats probably fake to begin with .. BS within BS.. makes the mind reel.

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Its funny becase as I was reading this thread I thought that knght311's first two stories were probably BS -- then he pretends to be involved in that bad beat story. (Which in itself is a load of crap, no way its true)Prending to be involved in a story thats probably fake to begin with .. BS within BS.. makes the mind reel.
Ladies and gentlemen- I give you the new and improved version of Tritz!Lets us all be dazzled at his facetious stories and thoughts about possibly buying a...helicopterThe great one has returned
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