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Need Help With A Stalker


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My 19 yr old daughter went out with a guy for almost 2 years, but now she's a freshman in college and doesn't want to be tied down anymore so she broke up with him. He was very controlling and over the last 2 months he's wiggin out on her. He puts stuff on her car, follows her, leaves nasty voice messages and has been on a hateful email campaign as of late.My daughter has handled it well, but is getting pretty fed-up. She's avoided him at all cost and been nice when she's been confronted by him. Well, she's kinda ready to attack back, but want's to keep it email only and humorous. She thinks the stuff you guys come up with around here is hilarious, so she's looking for funny stuff to email him. Stalker, obsessive, deranged type things to use to reply to him. (good lines or pics) So if you can come up anything, help a girl out and thanks.

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Damon Killian: There are still two stalkers out there. Dynamo and [ex's name]. Who do you think will make the next kill? Elderly Lady: Oh my. That's a tough one. Damon Killian: Come on, Angus. You can do it. Who do you think? Elderly Lady: Alright, I think the next kill will be made by... Ben Richards. Damon Killian: No, no. Angus, Richards is a runner. You have to pick a stalker. Elderly Lady: I can pick anyone I choose. And I choose... Ben Richards. That boy is one mean ************.He's coming for you next.terminator116rl.jpgHaha, I suck.

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Funny Hobbes..No need for the cops at this point, he's obsessing and obviously hurt, but it's just gotten a little our of control, so she's going to start responding with humorous stuff. She feels bad for him, up a to a certain extent though, and he's reached it. If he thinks that everyone knows what he's up to and how loony he's acting, maybe he'll stop out of embaressment. We'll see.

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Funny Hobbes..No need for the cops at this point, he's obsessing and obviously hurt, but it's just gotten a little our of control, so she's going to start responding with humorous stuff. She feels bad for him, up a to a certain extent though, and he's reached it. If he thinks that everyone knows what he's up to and how loony he's acting, maybe he'll stop out of embaressment. We'll see.
Maybe it's just me, but embarassing the crazy guy usually isn't a good idea.
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Call the cops.
LoL that would be way to sensible. Why not just harrass him over the internet, that accomplishes the same thing as a restraining order doesn't it??? :club:
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Kentucky's a big place, seems like there's an awful lot of open country where a guy could get himself "lost". Just have her tell him she's dating a cop, he'll go away. Quickly. If he doesn't, then there's definitely something to be nervous about, in that case, see example #1.

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Kentucky's a big place, seems like there's an awful lot of open country where a guy could get himself "lost". Just have her tell him she's dating a cop, he'll go away. Quickly. If he doesn't, then there's definitely something to be nervous about, in that case, see example #1.
The dating a cop thing isn't a bad choice.The cops may not help if he hasn't assaulted her or threatened her with bodily harm. If he has, CALL THEM!
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Not really on topic, but it made me think of the BEST BREAK UP LETTER EVER!!Dear Susan : I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She’s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the remote control is. John

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Great stuff
Randy, I got something great for you. I've used it before, and it worked PERFECTLY. Have you ever read the Essay Collection "Pure Drivel" by Steve Martin? Well, I count it among my favorite books. And there's a piece in there written from the perspective of a pathetic quasi stalker. I'm gonna track it down online, and post a transcript or link here. Should get the point across, quite humorously, too. Gimme a sec, and I'll find it. I might PM it to you, too, because I always take whatever chance I get to pimp Steve Martin's writing.WangEDIT: Alright, here's the link. I suggest this as happy light reading for anyone that appreciates humor. There's all sorts of ways Randy's daughter could get snarky with this biatch.http://www.stevemartin.com/world_of_steve/...89635d2ceb9a2c1
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Randy, I got something great for you. I've used it before, and it worked PERFECTLY. Have you ever read the Essay Collection "Pure Drivel" by Steve Martin? Well, I count it among my favorite books. And there's a piece in there written from the perspective of a pathetic quasi stalker. I'm gonna track it down online, and post a transcript or link here. Should get the point across, quite humorously, too. Gimme a sec, and I'll find it. I might PM it to you, too, because I always take whatever chance I get to pimp Steve Martin's writing.WangEDIT: Alright, here's the link. I suggest this as happy light reading for anyone that appreciates humor. There's all sorts of ways Randy's daughter could get snarky with this biatch.http://www.stevemartin.com/world_of_steve/...89635d2ceb9a2c1
NIIIIIIIICE!
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