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Best Quotes From A Poker Table


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what are some of the best and funniest quotes you have heard from a poker table?well today i was playing live at casino....1/2 nl...one dude really sucks...calling big bets with second pair,calling all in with A rag with a A on the board...he must have rebought for 4 to 5 times in about 45 minutes..lost about a dime and left..everyone got a piece of the dude...new guy comes to the table and asks where is the ATM...guy to my left saids..........."He just left"ok..maybe you had to be there but the whole table was laughing...

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Speaking of the 1/2 NL table... at my local casino here in San Diego, Sycuan... I really have to thank ESPN, the WPT, and every other poker-esque television channel for the plays that alot of the players make... stacking all of their chips as if it is a tournament and moving 150 dollars into a coordinated board on a stone cold bluff with three people in the pot... televised poker is defintitely positive EV for live poker.

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I must pay homage to this year's WSOP champion and his famous reaction to flopping the nut flush and getting allin against Andy Black:"PASS THA' SUGAH!"I suggest using this when you turn up a big hand or when you actually are requesting somebody to pass you the sugar, but in the same excited voice.

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One of the first times I played live. Someone got talking about "The Gambler."All of a sudden this asian dude who had a coke nail chimed in:"Kenny Roger? He nothin man. He win what, 80 dollar?"

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what are some of the best and funniest quotes you have heard from a poker table?
I tried playing poker once while on acid....the table looked up at me and said "TP/MM".Other than that I've never seen a talking poker table.
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I must pay homage to this year's WSOP champion and his famous reaction to flopping the nut flush and getting allin against Andy Black:"PASS THA' SUGAH!"I suggest using this when you turn up a big hand or when you actually are requesting somebody to pass you the sugar, but in the same excited voice.
I think the funniest part of that was that the other guy flopped a set and he coulda still lost. Now that woulda been hilarious.
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I always like the rounders quote where Matt Damon quotes Amarillo Slim saying "Listen here's the thing, if you can't stop the sucker in the first 30 minutes at the table, then you are the sucker".

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I tried playing poker once while on acid....the table looked up at me and said "TP/MM".Other than that I've never seen a talking poker table.
Forget who said it but...If you've never seen an elephant riding a boogie board on your nose, then you've never been on acid.
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I always like the rounders quote where Matt Damon quotes Amarillo Slim saying "Listen here's the thing, if you can't spot the sucker in the first 30 minutes at the table, then you are the sucker".
FYP...sorry had to do that...
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Not poker, but I thought this was a funny true (supposedly) story from back in the day (1967)....Guy in SF on acid is driving across the Bay Bridge when he sees the lights in his mirror...he pulls over...cop says "you know how fast you were going?"Dude figures he's busted, better be honest..."About 70?"Cop: "Get out of the car...you were doing 4 miles an hour."

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When I was 16 I slept with my best friends mother. My friend and her husband walked in on us slapping skins.Akward.
Yeah that is pretty random and akward.
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I was playing 1-4-8 limit at my casino, when a guy about 50ish sat down chopped a pot with a guy on his second hand, 3 or 4 hands later moved to my immediate right, played 4 hands there, folded everyone, then got up and said, "I gotta go, I ain't catchin' any cards!" I wanted to yell "You've only played 12 hands!" Definitly saw poker on TV and thought he'd be getting aces and kings everytime.

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I was playing 1-4-8 limit at my casino, when a guy about 50ish sat down chopped a pot with a guy on his second hand, 3 or 4 hands later moved to my immediate right, played 4 hands there, folded everyone, then got up and said, "I gotta go, I ain't catchin' any cards!" I wanted to yell "You've only played 12 hands!" Definitly saw poker on TV and thought he'd be getting aces and kings everytime.
you own a casino?
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you own a casino?
lol. yeah, well, y'know....the casino that I call my home casino....well, I mean I don't live there.....it's the place I go to play...usually.....er,um....y'know.
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When I was 16 I slept with my best friends mother. My friend and her husband walked in on us slapping skins.Akward.
finish the story...he kicked your ass? he started video taping? your friend threw up?and???...??/
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There was a maniac at my table playing 1-2 NL cash game at a card room here and he was in every hand over-betting the pot. Drawing out whenever someone called him down. Other hands noone had anything to fight back. Finally, I got pocket 77 and called his $25 pre-flop raise. Flop came 2-5-7 rainbow. He bets $75. I smooth call. Turn 9. He bets $175. I smooth call again. River 7. He goes all-in for $400 and some change and I have him covered. I call and he flips over Queen high. I flip over my quad sevens and ask "Have you ever played this game before? Everyone knows the first rule of poker is never try to bluff someone off Quads!"As I read this, it doesn't seem that funny, but the entire table who was completely sick of this guy steam-rolling the table and making the sickest suckouts when he was called-out was screaming... "BEAUTIFUL!"..."AWESOME!" and "FINALLY!" They were all just waiting for this guy to lose his whole stack and there was noone at the table who had the chips to do it but me and I got the perfect hand with him betting right into me on every street.

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When I was 16 I slept with my best friends mother. My friend and her husband walked in on us slapping skins.Akward.
Alllllllllright man, sorry to completely destroy your universe but the word is "a-w-k-w-a-r-d."
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Playing a $1-$2 NL Cash up at school... I have AA in the BB, folds around, aggressive player raises to 10 off the button, i reraise to 35, he calls.... Kxx flop, i push for 60 more, he calls with KK, flopped a set... when he sees my Aces he says... "I knew you had Aces, I just wanted to try and hit a set."

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