american beauty

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

"..but its hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. Then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.." ~ American BeautyI've been in kind of a weird mood, lately. I've really been missing that gratitude for every single stupid little moment of my life. Everything's just so, weird, lately. I feel like I've got all these bullets whizzing by my head, and sooner than later, I'm just going to have to stick my head out and bite one--that I gotta lower the shoulder and stop a freight train. In all reality my life's not nearly that exciting. I have plenty of good friends, a decent enough family, a good girl--pretty much everything I could ask for. But I've got the constant want of needing something better. Something above the mundane. Something intangible, and real. Something meaningful that makes my heart ache when it's gone. Maybe just once, something to be absolutely passionate about.I wouldn't mind throwing everything I have behind something, if I could just find something worthwhile. I've often thought about moving down to the Gulf, and working on a fishing boat. Just living the simple life. Fishing, drinking cheap beer, having a wife and a couple rugrats. Driving a truck. Or maybe moving to a state like Oregon and opening a little small-town bar and just listening to people's stories all day. I'm in such a rush to make so much of myself and all I want is the simple shit. I want desperately to not be concerned with decisions and contacts and resumes and "Hey, meet soandso who's really important.." It's all just so empty, and so fake. I'm the happiest at about 1 in the morning, sitting in a dive bar, with a good friend, buzzed, red cheeked and alive. A thin, smoky haze and some CCR blasting. Conversing and learning, talking all crazed about the most obscure things and laughing like an idiot.I suppose I just need to relax, stop trying to hold on to it..but I don't really want to.

[CardWarfare 4]

I feel you man.. I get in those moods a lot.I assume you're older than me, as I'm 19 and am in the, "go figure out what you want to do with your life and do it" stage, which has been killing me.I have no clue what I want to do, and often find myself thinking along the same lines. Contemplating just picking up and leaving everything behind. Maybe moving to Manhattan and blending in with the ebb and flow of the city, or move out to the middle of no where and live real simple. In the end I still have no clue what I'm gonna do with myself.At least you got a girl man, you're real lucky for that. I had a big break up a few months ago and ever since I've realized how much a good girl will help keep you sane.

[Shimmering Wang 1]

Dude, wait 'till you turn 22.

[CardWarfare 4]

yeah i can imagine. hopefully i'll figure shit out by then

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

At least you got a girl man, you're real lucky for that. I had a big break up a few months ago and ever since I've realized how much a good girl will help keep you sane.

I am now. Just wait until you're with one for 7 months, head over heels, and talking about the stars and moon and all that. ..and then one night she introduces you to her fiance'.But, yeah..At least I'm not the only one who feels like that I suppose. Thanks.

[pckt10s 0]

I wish I was 19 again......maybe not, I was in school and broke

[TheCinciKid 0]

Try being 23 and a law school dropout who has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Yeah, fun times. Seriously though, I understand where you're coming from, great post DDM.

[pckt10s 0]

yeah i can imagine. hopefully i'll figure shit out by then

Even when you think you've figured it out, you'll find out that you really haven't and you'll feel worse than before

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

Try being 23 and a law school dropout who has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Yeah, fun times. Seriously though, I understand where you're coming from, great post DDM.

Thanks. I just get to wondering if this is all worth it, from time to time.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

"..but its hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. Then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.." ~ American BeautyI've been in kind of a weird mood, lately. I've really been missing that gratitude for every single stupid little moment of my life. Everything's just so, weird, lately. I feel like I've got all these bullets whizzing by my head, and sooner than later, I'm just going to have to stick my head out and bite one--that I gotta lower the shoulder and stop a freight train. In all reality my life's not nearly that exciting. I have plenty of good friends, a decent enough family, a good girl--pretty much everything I could ask for. But I've got the constant want of needing something better. Something above the mundane. Something intangible, and real. Something meaningful that makes my heart ache when it's gone. Maybe just once, something to be absolutely passionate about.I wouldn't mind throwing everything I have behind something, if I could just find something worthwhile. I've often thought about moving down to the Gulf, and working on a fishing boat. Just living the simple life. Fishing, drinking cheap beer, having a wife and a couple rugrats. Driving a truck. Or maybe moving to a state like Oregon and opening a little small-town bar and just listening to people's stories all day. I'm in such a rush to make so much of myself and all I want is the simple shit. I want desperately to not be concerned with decisions and contacts and resumes and "Hey, meet soandso who's really important.." It's all just so empty, and so fake. I'm the happiest at about 1 in the morning, sitting in a dive bar, with a good friend, buzzed, red cheeked and alive. A thin, smoky haze and some CCR blasting. Conversing and learning, talking all crazed about the most obscure things and laughing like an idiot.I suppose I just need to relax, stop trying to hold on to it..but I don't really want to.

Come out to Vegas my friend...Empty and fake run wild... we all adapt to our surroundings in one way or another, and out here the city just swallows the weak and spits them out on Fremont. Everyone needs a break from reality once in a while, but too much will send you in a downward spiral to the ground like a Cessna at full stall. I see it everyday. Hell, it even tempts me to get sucked into a lifestyle of vices that end up being "normal". It seems that you realize something isnt right... fix it. I was lucky in that at a young age, I had the determination and drive to excel. But the downside was the aspect of "losing" a lot of partying and nonsense associated with young adult life. Set some goals for yourself and stick with them... dont set them to high... dont set too low. But have a plan. I promise you you wont lose your youth. I didnt miss anything. All the guys my age (35!) are now stressed out with paying the mortgage, car payments, taxes, heathcare, and daycare... my biggest problem is coming up with new Annie Duke jokes. (got any?)WOW im intoxicated... too much info huh??hang in there

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

Come out to Vegas my friend...Empty and fake run wild... we all adapt to our surroundings in one way or another, and out here the city just swallows the weak and spits them out on Fremont. Everyone needs a break from reality once in a while, but too much will send you in a downward spiral to the ground like a Cessna at full stall. I see it everyday. Hell, it even tempts me to get sucked into a lifestyle of vices that end up being "normal". It seems that you realize something isnt right... fix it. I was lucky in that at a young age, I had the determination and drive to excel. But the downside was the aspect of "losing" a lot of partying and nonsense associated with young adult life. Set some goals for yourself and stick with them... dont set them to high... dont set too low. But have a plan. I promise you you wont lose your youth. I didnt miss anything. All the guys my age (35!) are now stressed out with paying the mortgage, car payments, taxes, heathcare, and daycare... my biggest problem is coming up with new Annie Duke jokes. (got any?)WOW im intoxicated... too much info huh??hang in there

Wow..Beans.I always knew you were my favorite poster, but, I didn't really expect this. You're right in that I know something isn't right. I don't want to be a Journalism/Mass Communications Major. I don't even want to be in school right now.I don't want to be working at a newspaper all my life, or be someone's mouth piece. I don't ever want to have to work for anyone else. I just need to figure out how to go about getting there in a way that makes me happy. I know you don't make money in this world by working for someone else, but by owning something and working for yourself--and that's where I need to get myself.Thank you, very much, Beans.That's very cool of you, and it means a lot, whether or not you believe it.

[Dirtydutch 8]

Come out to Vegas my friend...Empty and fake run wild... we all adapt to our surroundings in one way or another, and out here the city just swallows the weak and spits them out on Fremont. Everyone needs a break from reality once in a while, but too much will send you in a downward spiral to the ground like a Cessna at full stall. I see it everyday. Hell, it even tempts me to get sucked into a lifestyle of vices that end up being "normal". It seems that you realize something isnt right... fix it. I was lucky in that at a young age, I had the determination and drive to excel. But the downside was the aspect of "losing" a lot of partying and nonsense associated with young adult life. Set some goals for yourself and stick with them... dont set them to high... dont set too low. But have a plan. I promise you you wont lose your youth. I didnt miss anything. All the guys my age (35!) are now stressed out with paying the mortgage, car payments, taxes, heathcare, and daycare... my biggest problem is coming up with new Annie Duke jokes. (got any?)WOW im intoxicated... too much info huh??hang in there

Wow..Beans.I always knew you were my favorite poster, but, I didn't really expect this. You're right in that I know something isn't right. I don't want to be a Journalism/Mass Communications Major. I don't even want to be in school right now.I don't want to be working at a newspaper all my life, or be someone's mouth piece. I don't ever want to have to work for anyone else. I just need to figure out how to go about getting there in a way that makes me happy. I know you don't make money in this world by working for someone else, but by owning something and working for yourself--and that's where I need to get myself.Thank you, very much, Beans.That's very cool of you, and it means a lot, whether or not you believe it.

That's a good way to think. People don't try to do things because they're afraid of failing. Failing isn't that bad a thing. Most great men have failed once or twice before figuring things out.

[Dirtydutch 8]

College is little more than purchasing a credential. If you’re not going to work for someone, than you probably won’t need to buy it.

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

That's a good way to think. People don't try to do things because they're afraid of failing. Failing isn't that bad a thing. Most great men have failed once or twice before figuring things out.

My problem isn't a fear of failure, but a fear of success.

[Dixie Wrecked 0]

"..I've often thought about moving down to the Gulf, and working on a fishing boat. Just living the simple life. Fishing, drinking cheap beer, having a wife and a couple rugrats. Driving a truck. Or maybe moving to a state like Oregon and opening a little small-town bar and just listening to people's stories all day.

My wife thinks I'm crazy when I tell her that I wish I could live in one of these small mountain towns where everyone knows each other and run some sort of small business like a bar or coffee shop. Even if I was barely making enough to survive, life would be a lot simpler and less stressful.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Come out to Vegas my friend...Empty and fake run wild... we all adapt to our surroundings in one way or another, and out here the city just swallows the weak and spits them out on Fremont. Everyone needs a break from reality once in a while, but too much will send you in a downward spiral to the ground like a Cessna at full stall. I see it everyday. Hell, it even tempts me to get sucked into a lifestyle of vices that end up being "normal". It seems that you realize something isnt right... fix it. I was lucky in that at a young age, I had the determination and drive to excel. But the downside was the aspect of "losing" a lot of partying and nonsense associated with young adult life. Set some goals for yourself and stick with them... dont set them to high... dont set too low. But have a plan. I promise you you wont lose your youth. I didnt miss anything. All the guys my age (35!) are now stressed out with paying the mortgage, car payments, taxes, heathcare, and daycare... my biggest problem is coming up with new Annie Duke jokes. (got any?)WOW im intoxicated... too much info huh??hang in there

Wow..Beans.I always knew you were my favorite poster, but, I didn't really expect this. You're right in that I know something isn't right. I don't want to be a Journalism/Mass Communications Major. I don't even want to be in school right now.I don't want to be working at a newspaper all my life, or be someone's mouth piece. I don't ever want to have to work for anyone else. I just need to figure out how to go about getting there in a way that makes me happy. I know you don't make money in this world by working for someone else, but by owning something and working for yourself--and that's where I need to get myself.Thank you, very much, Beans.That's very cool of you, and it means a lot, whether or not you believe it.

That's a good way to think. People don't try to do things because they're afraid of failing. Failing isn't that bad a thing. Most great men have failed once or twice before figuring things out.

Good point Dutch... I left out a few items, like the $86,000 note I owed to a bank at the age of 23... and had prob $1500 in the bank. Most would have filed chapter 13 or asked mom and dad for it. I just worked twice as hard. Then it was a miserable failure, now it is one of my best memories. Mom and Dad didnt have it anyway... my sig says it all.There are TWO things that stop a man from doing ANYTHING he wants in life....FEAR and LACK OF CONFIDENCE

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

I've often thought about moving down to the Gulf, and working on a fishing boat. Just living the simple life. Fishing, drinking cheap beer, having a wife and a couple rugrats. Driving a truck. Or maybe moving to a state like Oregon and opening a little small-town bar and just listening to people's stories all day.

My wife thinks I'm crazy when I tell her that I wish I could live in one of these small mountain towns where everyone knows each other and run some sort of small business like a bar or coffee shop. Even if I was barely making enough to survive, life would be a lot simpler and less stressful.

Oh, I know it. That'd be the life.

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

Good point Dutch... I left out a few items, like the $86,000 note I owed to a bank at the age of 23... and had prob $1500 in the bank. Most would have filed chapter 13 or asked mom and dad for it. I just worked twice as hard. Then it was a miserable failure, now it is one of my best memories. Mom and Dad didnt have it anyway... my sig says it all.There are TWO things that stop a man from doing ANYTHING he wants in life....FEAR and LACK OF CONFIDENCE

Wow, that's crazy, Beans. You own some kind of aviation business, right? That's nuts. That's the marrow of it right there, though, the bolded part. At some point I just need to nut up and do what it is I need to do, to do what I want to do.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Good point Dutch... I left out a few items, like the $86,000 note I owed to a bank at the age of 23... and had prob $1500 in the bank. Most would have filed chapter 13 or asked mom and dad for it. I just worked twice as hard. Then it was a miserable failure, now it is one of my best memories. Mom and Dad didnt have it anyway... my sig says it all.There are TWO things that stop a man from doing ANYTHING he wants in life....FEAR and LACK OF CONFIDENCE

Wow, that's crazy, Beans. You own some kind of aviation business, right? That's nuts. That's the marrow of it right there, though, the bolded part. At some point I just need to nut up and do what it is I need to do, to do what I want to do.

nah... flying is just an expensive hobby of mine.. Tritz is the next Howard Hughes I think...

[loxo 0]

I've often thought about moving down to the Gulf, and working on a fishing boat. Just living the simple life. Fishing, drinking cheap beer, having a wife and a couple rugrats. Driving a truck. Or maybe moving to a state like Oregon and opening a little small-town bar and just listening to people's stories all day.

My wife thinks I'm crazy when I tell her that I wish I could live in one of these small mountain towns where everyone knows each other and run some sort of small business like a bar or coffee shop. Even if I was barely making enough to survive, life would be a lot simpler and less stressful.

Oh, I know it. That'd be the life.

Don't go jumping to conclusions too quickly. There is absolutley, positvely nothing wrong with this life.......If you're certain it's for you.Human Beings as a species (and I believe us men suffer more) always believe the grass will be greener on the other side, that there is a gold pot just around the corner. There is nothing wrong with this, it's part of the human spirit and probably played a part in getting us out of the caves all those years back.DD, you're a smart guy, what you're going through is extremely common and I believe most of us go through it at some stage. Try a few things, maybe travel, enjoy yourself. You will find your calling.Best of luck.

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

Don't go jumping to conclusions too quickly. There is absolutley, positvely nothing wrong with this life.......If you're certain it's for you.

And therein lies the problem. I don't know necessarily what I want. But I *do* know what I don't want. And it seems like the things I've been groomed for and am being steered toward are *not* what I want.

Human Beings as a species (and I believe us men suffer more) always believe the grass will be greener on the other side, that there is a gold pot just around the corner. There is nothing wrong with this, it's part of the human spirit and probably played a part in getting us out of the caves all those years back.

It's not even that I want a pot of gold. It'd be nice, surely. I just want a few gold coins from the pot. I just find beauty in the simplicity of life. I wouldn't mind being dead broke if I made enough money to manage a house, provide for a family and just do something that made me happy.

DD, you're a smart guy, what you're going through is extremely common and I believe most of us go through it at some stage. Try a few things, maybe travel, enjoy yourself. You will find your calling.Best of luck.

I'd like to travel more than I have. I'd like to just experience things. I think that's what's bothering me more than anything. That I'm not yet able to or might not ever be able to experience all those things that I want to. I think sometimes I manage to get myself overwhelmed by the concern that I'm going to end up like my Grandpa--stuck doing something I don't want to, because I have to.Thank you, Loxo. Appreciate it.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Thread of the year.

[DrawingDeadInDM 0]

Thread of the year.

I'm really hoping this isn't sarcasm.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Thread of the year.

I'm really hoping this isn't sarcasm.

lol I know I'm a crass, flaming, sarcastic bastich some times, but not this one. American Beauty is in my top five, and I saw it at a very similar time in my life to yours, and it meant about the same thing to me that it did to you. It's good that you're seeing through the illusions. I watched my dad slave away as a computer programmer for a phone company his whole life, and he hated every minute of it.. he always came home pissed off and exhausted, always bithced about the people who worked there, and when he came home it was to a loveless, sexless empty marriage and I knew that life would never be mine. I was hoping this thread was about the movie, feared it was about the crappy dead album, and would have been pleasantly surprised if it was about the rose. but it eneded up being much more of a pleasant surprise. Good luck, DM. there's not much I can add, these are questions and things only you can figure out.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Thread of the year.

I'm really hoping this isn't sarcasm.

also, the year is only two and a half weeks old, this isn't much of an accomplisment... :wink: