FCPHA: Big Table in the Back

[renaedawn 1]

I had to pay the federal government $30 this year. Raquel, that should get you a few twelve-packs at least.

She works for the Pentagon. Twelve packs that cost you $9.99, cost the Pentagon $2413.12.

[renaedawn 1]

I'm sure the gov't will find some way to spend $1000 on a twelve-pack.

I'm here early today and I still can't get the first joke in? RIGGED.

[tall0n 1]

She works for the Pentagon. Twelve packs that cost you $9.99, cost the Pentagon $2413.12.

ENCROACHMENT! 5-Yard Penalty and Repeat the down!

[renaedawn 1]

ENCROACHMENT! 5-Yard Penalty and Repeat the down!

I don't know what that means.I have a new album that I'm digging. It's country, you wouldn't like it so I won't even bother telling you it's Sugarland's 'Love On The Inside'. Anyway, point is there's this great song on there about Steve Earle the songwriter and a line of it says "falling in love is a pilgrim's sport and as long as I can be the pirate, I'm okay".I think of you when I hear that song.

[tall0n 1]

I don't know what that means.I have a new album that I'm digging. It's country, you wouldn't like it so I won't even bother telling you it's Sugarland's 'Love On The Inside'. Anyway, point is there's this great song on there about Steve Earle the songwriter and a line of it says "falling in love is a pilgrim's sport and as long as I can be the pirate, I'm okay".I think of you when I hear that song.

Arrrrr!

[Smacciemac 3]

I wish I felt like that. Unfortunately I'm completely sober.

Uggh.. how are you feeling?

[Nikki_N 17]

at home waiting on comcast....pirating some internet...the connection sux but it's free for now...Anyone want to bring me something to eat, i'm starving!!

How's your new place?

I had to pay the federal government $30 this year. Raquel, that should get you a few twelve-packs at least.

$30 in addition to whatever came out of your paycheck, or total?

I wish I felt like that. Unfortunately I'm completely sober.

Booo!

Sigh!Teeth = bottle opener (My teeth are already fucked up, so it's not a method for people with good teeth.)Boob = bottle opener (

)

That's for a twist off!So, I'm for transparent books and loan repayment schedule with interest if a company wants a bailout. Also, I'm not sure how a company pays bonuses that are supposed to be based on the a company's good financial performance to a company that failed financially. I have to agree with Norm on the slippery slope issue, though. The government tends to overstep when they get their foot in the door.I'd rather let the companies fail then bail them out, but if we're going to bail out I think that the above conditions should have to be met even though I'm not a big fan of regulation.

[bleacherbum3 9]

I'm heading to work.Later all.

[dms26 3]

I'm here early today and I still can't get the first joke in? RIGGED.

It's the effort that counts :asspat:

[dms26 3]

$30 in addition to whatever came out of your paycheck, or total?

If it's 30 total I'm moving to Wyoming

[renaedawn 1]

Uggh.. how are you feeling?

I asked the doctor before we started if I was going to be sore afterward. "No! Not at all!" was his overenthusiastic response. So, I decided not to press the issue of painkillers.He did the top and I survived. Then he started on the bottom and I about jumped out of the chair."HEY! I can FEEL that!""You moved before I ever even touched your tooth.""That may be but I can feel the cold water.""Oh. Well, let's deaden it a little more."I shoulda known then the not sore thing was a lie.Now that the numbness is starting to wear off the right side of my mouth really is kind of throbbing.

[renaedawn 1]

It's the effort that counts :asspat:

:highfive:

[jeff_536 3]

I asked the doctor before we started if I was going to be sore afterward. "No! Not at all!" was his overenthusiastic response. So, I decided not to press the issue of painkillers.He did the top and I survived. Then he started on the bottom and I about jumped out of the chair."HEY! I can FEEL that!""You moved before I ever even touched your tooth.""That may be but I can feel the cold water.""Oh. Well, let's deaden it a little more."I shoulda known then the not sore thing was a lie.Now that the numbness is starting to wear off the right side of my mouth really is kind of throbbing.

heh...you said throbbing...heh

[dolfan 0]

She works for the Pentagon. Twelve packs that cost you $9.99, cost the Pentagon $2413.12.

I'm here early today and I still can't get the first joke in? RIGGED.

Yours was better because it was more specific.

[dolfan 0]

$30 in addition to whatever came out of your paycheck, or total?

In addition. H&R Block's online program shows you a little tab as you go through each step telling you how much your refund is going to be. So I'm going along and it says "$30" in the little box and I'm thinking, "Man, that's fucking weak. I usually get at least a few hundred." Then I get to the end and finally notice that it says "Owed" below the amount. Then I realized I paid $15 to learn this information. So, yeah, taxes are dumb.

[fryer98 30]

[dolfan 0]

If it's 30 total I'm moving to Wyoming

Definitely not, but pretty much everything here is cheaper so I guess it all evens out. Plus, somehow between working in WY and CA in 2007, I got a ridiculous refund last year.

[renaedawn 1]

Yours was better because it was more specific.

:asspat:

[renaedawn 1]

Where my nigga with the trophy at?

[fryer98 30]

Where my nigga with the trophy at?

HAHAHAHAHA nice, didn't even think of that.For those of you that don't know, I was talking (AKA bragging) to Ren on IM while watching the parade. Farrior said that on the mix on stage when looking for Harrison with the trophy.

[Nikki_N 17]

I asked the doctor before we started if I was going to be sore afterward. "No! Not at all!" was his overenthusiastic response. So, I decided not to press the issue of painkillers.He did the top and I survived. Then he started on the bottom and I about jumped out of the chair."HEY! I can FEEL that!""You moved before I ever even touched your tooth.""That may be but I can feel the cold water.""Oh. Well, let's deaden it a little more."I shoulda known then the not sore thing was a lie.Now that the numbness is starting to wear off the right side of my mouth really is kind of throbbing.

That lying fuck.

In addition. H&R Block's online program shows you a little tab as you go through each step telling you how much your refund is going to be. So I'm going along and it says "$30" in the little box and I'm thinking, "Man, that's fucking weak. I usually get at least a few hundred." Then I get to the end and finally notice that it says "Owed" below the amount. Then I realized I paid $15 to learn this information. So, yeah, taxes are dumb.

Well, at least the government didn't get to use a bunch more of your money, interest free, all year.

[dolfan 0]

For those of you that don't know, I was talking (AKA bragging) to Ren on IM while watching the parade. Farrior said that on the mix on stage when looking for Harrison with the trophy.

I liked that Roethlisberger had an Elmer Fudd hat on.

[fryer98 30]

I liked that Roethlisberger had an Elmer Fudd hat on.

75% of my PeeWee team came in with them on after Christmas, so I'm guessing they're in style now?

[fryer98 30]

Classic....

*********FULL TRIP REPORT*********fyi: Some new quotes added.After picking up Renae/Ozzy from the airport, we head to the hotel to check in and have some beers at the bar. I left them there to pick up Norm and Brett, and then back to the hotel to have a drink. We all pile into my car and head to downtown. I drove them around Pitt and in the downtown area, but Norm just wanted to drink. We headed to the South Side to have a beer at “Fat Heads” then a few beers and $4 Yager Bombs and “Jack’s”. We headed to “Mario’s” for some beers and some American Idol guy was playing a concert across the street. These 3 chicks and 1 of their boyfriends drove from Baltimore to see the show, but they couldn’t scalp tickets. The 2 without the boyfriend were real wasted, so we were talking to them. The one was Rachel and super hot, but her stock went down as she talked. Here are a few bits of the conversation that started because Norm was asking her “How many fingers?” as he put out his hand. Yes, he meant to put in her.Norm: Do you like anal? Rachel: I didn’t like it.Norm: So, you’ve done it?Rachel: Yea, four times.Rachel: I’m not a slut or anything…I waited to lose my virginity.1 of us: How old were you?Rachel: I waited until I was 17!All of us (sarcastic): “Oh wows”Rachel: And I’m only 21 now so I have (pause while she puts up 1…2….3….4 fingers, then holds her hand up) 4 years of experience.Norm also asked her if she was a squirter and some other good stuff. Soon after that, she wouldn’t leave the private EMO party on the 2nd level, so 3 chick bartenders threw her out, pushing her all the way to the door and arguing outside on the sidewalk for a while.There was a 40ish woman by the table when Norm asks her “How many fingers?” She replies, “Hun, you better use the whole fist!” Wow. She then tells him about how she’s a sub with a man, but a dom with a woman. She wanted me…well, not me, just my tongue.Dustin calls to tell us he got a hotel in DC and isn’t coming in until Friday morning at 8:00 AM. It’s about 12:15 when Team Shaver is close, so we head to meet them at the hotel. When we get out of the car, Renae trips/falls/whatever out of my backseat. Brett and I are ~50 feet away, I hear her fall and something hit the car next to mine. I thought it was my door hitting it, until Ozzy says “Renae just hit her head on that car!” She was alright, so we just laughed at her.The 7 of us head in the Shaver Mobile back downtown to Primanti’s to get some beers and food. We BS, down some beers, eat sammiches, and have good times. I take them up on Mt Washington to see the spectacular view of the city. It’s cold and windy, so they all stand there for 15 seconds and run back to the car. To the hotel for the 5 of them, my wife and I back to my place. I made that bitch sleep on the couch too!I get up around 8 to pick up Dustin, to find ¼” of ice on everything and it’s still icing out. Real nice. Head to the airport, he’s waiting for luggage. And waiting. And waiting. They lost it, so at ~9:30 Dustin and I head to the hotel where I pick up Renae to go rent our car. At the rental place, I get a text from Brett: “You fuckers went to Canada without me, didn’t you?” We get the car, back to the hotel, then to my place. No time for the famous French Toast, so I get my things and we take off.We hit ice for a while, then snow, then a mix, then snow. Cars all over the road and off the road. The Shaver Mobile was all Chonged up. When we hit NY, just a little rain and no snow and ice. Muuuuch better. We went to a rest stop in western NY (“Home of the Gang Bang”) to eat, then off to the Buffalo Airport. Dickman is at the bar drinking and being skinny, then meets up with us. Nikki’s flight got re-routed to Cleveland, but they bused her to Buffalo. Yes, that sucks. Nikki get there, we all hung and go “EEEEEEEE!” Off to Niagara.Norm, Brett, Ozzy, Dickman, and I are in the car giggling like school girls and goofing off. We get to the border on the Canadian side, the chick takes our IDs…Border Chick: Where are you all from?Tim: Pennsylvania, Georgia, Florida, Oklahoma, and North Carolina.BC: How do you all know each other?Tim (pause): From the internet…BC: So, you play Doom or something like that?Tim: No, we play poker.BC: Oh, so you’re coming up to play at the casino?Tim: Yea, but we’re also going to a wedding in Toronto.BC (with a WTF? face): Oh….ok….have a nice day.When the Shaver Mobile goes through and the same “internet” answer is given, she asks if they were with us. Then, an hour later, Brad and Danielle get the same girl. When they say they were going to a wedding in Toronto, she said she saw the rest of their group earlier. She loves us.We head into the casino, find Tommy, Allie, and Blue playing 1-2. They wouldn’t let us rail, so they came out to say hi, etc. The bar with all the games was right next to the poker room, so a bunch of us set up there. There was much drinking and being loud and laughing. The waitress thought I was some famous hockey played because I have “FRYER 98” on the back for my Nike Shox, but I dropped the ball and said I wasn’t. Don’t worry, I MORE than make up for that later.Lots of good times at the casino, but I don’t have all that much more to add. They guys/gals that played poker can fill you in on all the stuff from the table. I just drank, watched sports, BSed, and hit on the waitress the while time.We head out at about 1am for Toronto. There was a nice blizzard going on, so Blue led the caravan with the guy from Florida, the other guy from Florida, and he girl from Oklahoma driving. We know, real smart. They did a damn good job (I think, I was passed out) and I thank them for DDing. At the rest stop, I did drop my pants outside in the snow to show how thankful I was. Norm kept yelling at the Tim Horton’s girl about wanting grits, and then finally ordered by pointing and saying “One of those and one of those and one of those.” She hated us. We get to the hotel and all pass out. Or stab. Either way…end of a GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT day.Saturday, we wake up at about 11:30. Dustin and I head to the airport to pick up his luggage and met the crew at Perkin’s. They gave us a nice private room and we had beer and breakfast. Mmmm beer. Blue gave me a shirt that he and Spicey picked out to thank me for putting together the Pittsburgh crew. I'll look for a pic to post. After eating, we had a lil snow ball fight outside. I hit Brett. I won. We went back to the hotel…which was 2 doors down. Right next to the hotel was…a police station. I think they were all on horses with cute mount-me hats on though, so I wasn’t scared.Some of the women (of course, this includes Blue) went shopping for a little, while the rest of us went to Dave and Buster’s. Brett..er, Tommy, bought us some beers. I had my Guiness for St Patty’s day and went to drop my 3rd deuce of the day. While in the stall, I wrote Chicken a text: “FYI: Im currently taking a shit in Canada”. A bunch of us played this game called “Air Raid” for a while. You go in the little room that has 6 (right?) gun stations set up with a huge projection screen. The setting is on a boat with a bunch of planes dropping bombs on you to shoot. Good times there. Brad owned at the basketball game. I looked for hot moms, which I saw very little of. Tommy, Blue, Dickman, and Brett played a tank fighting game for a while. I think we could have spent 2 days in there and been happy.We all headed back to the hotel to get ready for the wedding. I was looking damn good, as usual. So were the angels. That’s about all that was looking good though. We took cabs over with the presents in our cab. Dickman talked the whole way about how lonely the liquor in the trunk was and how it needed a home and love to realize it’s full potential in life.During the ceremony, we sat in the very back 3 rows…with 3 rows separating us from the rest of Spicey’s side. There was more giggling and Brad lifting up Shaver’s dress while we were standing. Tommy was playing poker on Brad’s phone and the rest of us were trying to call dibs on any hot girl that walked in. Blue said something in jealousy to the real flower girl that took his job. The wedding went perfect…which is how our Spicey Girl looked.We headed to the other side of the building where the reception was. We all met Sam and told him how lucky he was, etc, etc. When Brett shook his hand, Sam immediately looked down at his shoes and laughed. I’m sure they’ll be in the pictures, but he was wearing the same casual sneakers he had on all weekend with jeans. I love my wife. We all hit up the bar…hard core, of course. We got a group picture by the photographer with Spicey and Sam in the lobby. I’m gonna crop it and frame it so I can only see where Tommy and my pee holes were touching though. TMI?There was a deck of cards on everyone’s plate and the table assignments were done by cards. For Brett, on the seating assignments, it said “Mystery Guest”. I hope someone got a picture of that. The food was good. The speeches were hard to hear…I guess when we’re all goofing off. Dickman went up and rocked the house with his...that’s what our Token Jew is for. The music started and we owned the dance floor. Brad knows every lyric to every wedding song there is. Spicey said to me “How white ARE you?” Brad and I are so white, we can’t take it…especially when singing Oatkast. You’ll see plenty of pictures of this part of the night. I think Brad might have taken 3-4 thousand pictures of gay acts, straight acts, les acts, and this polka dot dress *** that you all will probably rub 1 out to.We leave the wedding and all get in cabs. Blue and I were with the maid of honor and had to take her back to the hotel. I call Dickman, who tells me they are going to a BAR called the Pro Club, which was just a few blocks away. 20 minutes later, Blue and I get there. We go in and there’s a $5 cover. I turn and see a stage and this smoking hot girl playing touch screen. I’m checking her out and as I get closer, I realized she’s not wearing pants. I look back to the stage and see BOOBIES! Nothing like accidentally going to a strip club. We go in, walk around, but see no one. It’s not that busy or big, so Blue and I think they went somewhere else. I get on the horn, but all the calls go straight to voice mail. We decide to get a beer and look at some boobs. When we do, Brett comes from upstairs and tells us how they thought it was a bowling alley. He thinks everyone is down there, but everyone was UP there. Norm, Blue, Dickman, Brett, Dustin, Tommy, and I all ended up at a table, drinking and hanging out.The girls there were real aggressive. They would ask 1 question then ask about going upstairs. No talking for a few minutes or anything. As Norm would say “No use and playing at it.” So, I needed a good excuse to turn all these girls down. Stripper: Wanna be my man?Tim: No thanks, I just got married tonight.Stripper: Tonight?!?Tim: Yea, these are all my boys that came in town for the wedding.Stripper: Where’s your wife?Tim: Back at the hotel passed out.Stripper: And you left her?Tim: Well, I went back and fucked her, then she passed out. What’s the point of staying there with her passed out if I could come out with my boys.Stripper (with WTF? face): So….you just left her there?Tim: Yep.Stripper: Where’s your ring?Tim: Oh crap…I took it off so I didn’t split her open when I was spanking her, I forgot to put it back on….Stripper: Oh wow…Tim: This is my boy Brett, he came all the way from Wyoming to my wedding. Do you know where Wyoming is?Stripper: Nope.Tim: Good…it’s in West Africa!Stripper: Oh wow…Tim: Yea, we were in Vietnam together…old war buddies.Stripper: Oh…wanna be my man?Tim: No, my wife would be PISSED!Stripper: Ok, congratulations.Not to that extent, but other girls got this story too. They were all believing it and telling others that were coming over to congratulate me. Reeeeal smart ones. I’ll leave the rest of the details to the others that were there.We take off from the club and head back to the hotel. Nikki and Allie had everyone to their room to hang out, so we all went there. I called my son to yell at him and tell him to bang some girls. We laughed and Renae probably cried. I had my pants off…there’s pictures to prove this. Allie was laying on the bed with her eyes closed, so I put my bare ass toward her and yelled her name. She loved it. Danielle also watched my piss in the mirror cause I left the door open. I smacked Brad’s bare ass. I stood over Dickman when he was passing out with my balls out. He saw them. Who didn’t that night? Good times.We headed to bed and woke up…late to head out. We all parted ways and Norm, Renae, Ozzy, Dustin, and I hit the road. Norm and I had a dance party in the front seat, while Renae tried to keep from barfing. She lost. We stopped at least once in Ontario, NY, and PA. There might have been another 1 in there somewhere. Renae after puking some in the car: I missed the…uh…..Tim: The earth!Good trip back though. I dropped Renae, Ozzy, and Dustin off at the airport on time. Norm and I headed to a local bar for some brews. We watching some basketball and BSed for a few hours. I took him to the airport and headed to another bar to watch the Pens game. In at about 10:30 and passed the fuck out!GREAT, GREAT, GREAT TIMES!QUOTES that were written down or remembered by me. Please add to them or correct them:At random times during the trip…Norm: I am drinkless.Also, with a thumb up.Norm: Nice!At the hotel bar, Norm is complaining about smoking laws to us when he looks at the hot bartender.Norm: What’s up with that, Hot Girl?Tommy calls an all in with his J3 vs a random guy’s TT. Tommy hits a J on the river.Brett: Is that how he wins all that money online?Brad shows the scars on his hip from the Tornado story.Tim: That looks like Sharon’s belly button!Dickman is drunk as a skunk when we’re leaving the casino and wants Blue to let him drive. Remember, Brett won a shit load playing.Blue: If you pay me $700, I’ll let you drive.Dickman: Hold on, I need to call Brett.A group of us are going to pay for our beers at Dave and Buster’s. Brett pulls out a $100 from his winnings from poker the night before.Brett: I’ll get it…actually, Tommy will get it.In the taxi on the way to the wedding, there were two hot chicks in another taxi. I told our driver to get next to them.Driver (with accent): They coming with you?Tim: No, but I hope to be cumming in them.....or on them.In another cab on the way to the wedding, Danielle sits in the front seat with Brad and 2 others in the back. Brad sees him checking out her titties.Brad (to driver): What's your name?Driver: Afaknvbff (some crazy foreign name)Brad: Don't my wife’s tits look great in that dress?Tommy played poker on Brad’s phone during the whole ceremony. While Spicey is doing her vows Tommy turns to me with a big smile on his face.Tommy: I’m open farreling!At the ceremony, when they were signing the wedding contract, or whatever it was…Tommy: FUCK, I just folded top 2!When Jarret see that the 2nd course at the wedding is Penne alla Vodka…Jarret: Are they going to place the bottles on the table?Renae and Nikki are crying while Spicey and Sam have their first dance. Tommy, Dickman, and I are laughing/mocking them. We put water on our face to fake cry, well, Tommy slammed ice on his face, to take a picture.Tim: The differance is they're really sad and crying, we're crying 'cause we can't try and fuck her anymore...Dickman: That’s funnily wrong!We build a $200ish pot for Tommy and Dickman to play Spicey/Sam in high/low, where the losers have to kiss. They lose with K vs 3 (pinch pinch) and kiss…FAGS!Tommy: I’ll kiss dudes all day for 85 bucks!”Spicey’s grandma is going up to talk at the wedding.Brad: I hope someone brought the defribulatorShaver: CLEAR!Dickman reaches down Danielle’s dress to crap a playing card.Dickman: Let’s reenact that and get a picture.Tommy: Playing the part of Jeffrey’s hand will be Tommy’s mouth!Shaver sits on Tim’s lap at the wedding and makes a comment about hoping she didn’t weigh too much.Tim: My nose is actually a scale, wanna try it out?A cloth napkin catches on fire from the candles on the wedding table.Norm: It’s not a party until something catches on fire.A comment is made about the Hightower (Police Academy) looking bouncer.Tim: I think 12 of us can take him....but not 11...In the hotel after the wedding…Dickman: Maybe we can all pitch in $20 and get Danielle to **** Brett…”Brett: I’ll pitch in $100!In the hotel after the wedding, Tommy says he would pay $800 for a blow job.Blue (imitation Renae talking to Danielle, Nikki, and Allie): You think we can raise that much girls?On the trip home, Renae is on the phone and says “Nice!”Norm: See, it’s tough to be this hip.After Norm and I drop the 3 of them off at the airport to head to the bar, we see this black guy all dressed up (thugged out).Tim: Look Norm, it’s my twin brother.Norm: I’m sure I’ll see him on the plane to Atlanta.20 minutes after I drop Norm off, I get a text…Norm: That brother is on my plane! BAHAHAHAHA

[SAM_Hard8 50]

pure political grandstanding just to make bubba's like Hicken think "fantastic!"No basis in the real wold and way too black and white, kind of like mandatory sentencing. This whole bailout thing is just a giant clusterfuck soon to be followed by a stimulus package clusterfuck.