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what not to do in kentucky - pt. ii


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crossposted from off-topic:heres part I - http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...der=asc&start=0 heres part II - Next scene: it has finally sunk in that im going to jail, right around the time that we pull into the jail. sh1tty. My idiot friends had followed the cruiser into louisville, and i can only presume were laughing hysterically at this point. The cop leads me into the booking area and takes off my cuffs. they do the pat-down, and tell me to empty my pockets. Im a cell phone fanatic, and at this point i had a motorola V600 - if you dont know what that is, dont worry. just know it was goddamm expensive, and it had just been released. The woman in the booking room was throwing it around in an evidence bag, so that censored me off a little. "um, could you be careful with that? its really expensive." "what, this thing? these are really cheap! everyone has one." really? i guess they all bought them this week, since it was released on wednesday. This was going to be trouble. next, she got to my wallet. I had some canadian cash with me, and she pulled it out and asked me what it was. "its money. you use it to purchase goods and services." "ive never seen money like this. im going to write down 'papers with numbers on them'." ugh. Then she asked for my belt. So now im sitting in a giant waiting room, sans belt, wondering what the guy next to me did. i doubt it was speeding. Someone comes over and tells me that my case is going to a JP for bail to be set, and it shouldnt be long before im out of there. yea, right. The guy next to me, 'big earl', informs me that since im from out of country, my bail is going to be thousands. ugh. Then the first guy comes back and tells me that it probably wont get processed till tommorow. double ugh. Then im informed that tommorow, a friday, is ronald reagan day or something, and all the courts are closed. im looking at a weekend vacation, courtesy of jefferson county. UGH. They give me my phone call, but that doesnt go smoothly either. I dont know any local numbers, so ive got to call collect. collect calls dont work with cell phones, so i cant call my buddies outside. my parents are both out of the office, so no good there either. I ask the woman what to do. She refuses to believe i dont know anyone in kentucky. Lady, i live in canada. Finally, she agrees to try to call my parents, who are both lawyers. She gets my mom's voicemail, and leaves a message: "hi, im calling from the jefferson county correctional institution. we're holding your son on charges." Say for speeding! say for speeding! no dice. just charges. great. now my mom thinks ive murdered someone, in kentucky no less. Back to waiting i go, where i politely decline to be tested for cyphilis at least 10 times over the next hour. A tap on the shoulder wakes me from my daze: its a cop, telling me ive got a phone call. my buddies on the outside somehow negotiated a direct line into the jail, and they wanted to know if they should leave and come back on monday. hells no. stay where you are, assjockeys. Now me and big earl get moved into a big cell, with about 20 bunk beds, a tv, and a toilet (but no stall). I soon learn what everyone else is in there for. about 1/3 are in for failure to pay child support. another 1/3 for selling drugs, and the last 1/3 for driving mopeds without a license. there seems to be an illegal moped epidemic in louisville (my friends didnt believe me either, till we showed up in court on monday and the guy in front of me was being charged with moped violations). One of the guys was smart enough to smuggle in some cigarrettes, but not smart enough to bring a lighter. As i laid down, clenching my cornhole firmly, these geniuses were busy sticking metal rods in electrical sockets, trying to light the butts. Im pretty much resigned to being there for 4 days, until someone calls my name. Its an officer, telling me ive been processed. Processed? wtf? Turns out my buddies had managed to sweet-talk some paper-pusher out front into completely subverting the judicial process and letting me post bond for $150. well, you dont have to tell me twice. I grabbed my 'paper with numbers on them' and i was outta there. The longest 5 hours of my life were over. "dude, how was it?" "JUST DRIVE."

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That was truly classicand uber shitty. my condolances sir.....at least you did escape Kentucky in tact. My favorite part? The papers with numbers on it of course.....sounds about like Kentucky

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That was truly classicand uber shitty. my condolances sir.....at least you did escape Kentucky in tact. My favorite part? The papers with numbers on it of course.....sounds about like Kentucky
the best was the same woman asking me where canada was.
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That was truly classicand uber shitty. my condolances sir.....at least you did escape Kentucky in tact. My favorite part? The papers with numbers on it of course.....sounds about like Kentucky
the best was the same woman asking me where canada was.
:lol:Ah, the good ol' south!
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This was going to be trouble. next, she got to my wallet. I had some canadian cash with me, and she pulled it out and asked me what it was. "its money. you use it to purchase goods and services." "ive never seen money like this. im going to write down 'papers with numbers on them'." ugh.
:club: classic
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This is awesome. My girlfriend and I split a few months back and she moved to Kentucky -- for all of two months before she came back balling that she never wanted to go back there again. Now I see why.

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30 percent of the USA can't identify Canada and Mexico on an unmarked map of the world.A friend of mine is a manager at Denny's, and we did this little test for one of the dish washers, drew a map of the world... labeled russsia.. no dice..So we made an unmarked map of North america.Then we labeled the USA.Then we labeled alaskaTexas Washington state ( where we live, and that BORDERS cananda)We put a compass arrow.Finallly.. this guys answer was....Not on the map. NOT ON THE MAP!!!!! by pure luck of just pointing at one of the TWO choices he had for cananda, he would have shot 50%.. but no, he had to go off the board, and say NOT ON THE MAP.. well, me and my friend played along, and congradulated him for seeing through our tricky plan.

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This is awesome. My girlfriend and I split a few months back and she moved to Kentucky -- for all of two months before she came back balling that she never wanted to go back there again. Now I see why.
worst. state. ever.
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these geniuses were busy sticking metal rods in electrical sockets, trying to light the butts.
People come up with stereotypes for a reason I guess
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This is awesome. My girlfriend and I split a few months back and she moved to Kentucky -- for all of two months before she came back balling that she never wanted to go back there again. Now I see why.
worst. state. ever.
You've clearly never been to Mississippi.
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Yeah, stories like this make me proud to be a Hoosier.Dear God, I never thought I'd say that. I puked in my mouth a little bit.
Hey, Hoosiers are good people. And we DEFINATELY ain't Kentuckians. I've only lived in Tennessee for 5 years, I still think of myself as a Hoosier. Darn inbred freaks in KY, I swear. (FCP board members from Kentucky excluded, of course)EDIT: Of course, that reminds me of the classic joke... a boy goes to his pappy to tell him he's getting married."Pappy, I found me a girl, and we's gettin hitched!""Son, is she a good girl?""Yes, pappy, and she's even a virgeen!"Dad looks disgusted and says "Son, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
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personally i think indiana and kentucky are related except that kentucky got hit with the ugly stick, the amish in indiana are good people though

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The original post was full of shit, but it's good for a laugh.
lol, full of sh1t? want me to send you the jpg. of me in the back of an unmarked cruiser with Ky. plates?
I beleive you, I just want to see the picture for the comedic value... POST IT
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The original post was full of shit, but it's good for a laugh.
lol, full of sh1t? want me to send you the jpg. of me in the back of an unmarked cruiser with Ky. plates?
I beleive you, I just want to see the picture for the comedic value... POST IT
Yeah, I heard the story months ago and never got offered pics. Where's the pics, Blaze?
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The original post was full of shit, but it's good for a laugh.
lol, full of sh1t? want me to send you the jpg. of me in the back of an unmarked cruiser with Ky. plates?
I beleive you, I just want to see the picture for the comedic value... POST IT
Yeah, I heard the story months ago and never got offered pics. Where's the pics, Blaze?
who kn0ws how to get images off a motorola v600? tell me and ill post the pics.
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How is it that your buddies were taking pictures with your phone when you had it with you until the cops took it from you?That very expensive phone you were talking about is for sale on multiple internet sites for $99If you do have pictures and want to transfer them i would suggest reading the manual, seams pretty simple but that might just be me. canadian joke #1An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam at the breakfast table when a Canadian sits down next to him.The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. "You American folk eat the whole bread?" asks the Canadian with a large piece of chewing gum in his mouth. "Of course!"The Canadian blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. We collect the crusts in containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell them to the United States."The Canadian has a smirk on is face. All the while, the American listens in silence."Do ya eat jelly with the bread?" asks the Canadian."Of course!"The Canadian cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We don't. In Canada, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them into jam, and sell it to the U.S.""And, what do you Canadians do with condoms once you've used them?" asks the American."We throw them away, of course," replies the Canadian, with a dumbfounded look.The American explains, "WE don't. In the U.S., we put them in a container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to Canada. canadian joke #2Two Canadians are sitting in a bar, and getting bored. They decide to play 20 questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a word and after a little pondering comes up with the word: moosecock.The second Canadian tries his first question, "Is it something good to eat?"The first guy thinks a moment then laughs and replies "Sure, I suppose you could eat it."The second Canadian says, "Is it a moosecock?

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