augmented 0 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 A year and a half ago I set up my best friend Chris with my friend from college, Kelly. Kelly's a big talker, a bit of a loosey-goosey and somewhat annoying, but very intelligent and good looking and I wanted Chris to get laid. Sure enough, my instincts were too good for my own good and it quickly spiraled out of my control to the point where they've been dating ever since. She's obviously a way more terrible person than he is, and everyone is annoyed by her and he's clearly very conscious of it but completely controlled by her, blah blah blah.A year ago, a couple of my friends from school told me she had cheated on him (me and her went to school in Norcal, he was down in LA, now we're all down here). I called her out and she denied denied denied, etc, I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and never told Chris about it, which made me feel pretty bad cause I'm fairly sure she did. Also, he saw a message thread about him that strongly suggested the same thing, eventually called her out and she denied denied denied, almost broke up with him for looking through her stuff and said that if he ever talked to me about it, they'd be done. (Obviously he told me, and though that's pretty much proof, I continued to say nothing other than gently nudging him along to break up). A few weeks ago, they were at a party in SF with some of my other friends while I was down in LA and a couple days later my friend told me that Kelly had told her, "I've totally slept with all these dudes here so I'm ignoring my boyfriend tonight because I want them to want to f*** me." I heard this and still didn't tell Chris, and Kelly continues to basically live in my house, talk crap about everyone and everything around her and completely control him, and I am extremely resentful of both of them, her for being shady and him for having no spine ever.I could just tell him about this last thing, should I? I imagine he's already living with extreme resentment of her and is still looking for an out, and though this would ultimately get back to me, I could always tell her "hey, at least I didn't tell him about the other thing." Is this reasonable? What should I do, how much of this is my business and how much is my responsibility to look out for my friend? Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 A year and a half ago I set up my best friend Chris with my friend from college, Kelly. Kelly's a big talker, a bit of a loosey-goosey and somewhat annoying, but very intelligent and good looking and I wanted Chris to get laid. Sure enough, my instincts were too good for my own good and it quickly spiraled out of my control to the point where they've been dating ever since. She's obviously a way more terrible person than he is, and everyone is annoyed by her and he's clearly very conscious of it but completely controlled by her, blah blah blah.You are confusing to me.I could just tell him about this last thing, should I? I imagine he's already living with extreme resentment of her and is still looking for an out, and though this would ultimately get back to me, I could always tell her "hey, at least I didn't tell him about the other thing." Is this reasonable? What should I do, how much of this is my business and how much is my responsibility to look out for my friend?Still.Start making some sense please. Link to post Share on other sites
augmented 0 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 You are confusing to me.Still.Start making some sense please.Man, sorry. My friend's GF (I introduced them) is manipulative, shady, bipolar and generally annoying. She most likely cheated on him last year, but denied it when either of us brought it up. I never told him that I had additional information that would implicate her more. Recently, I was given more information, not that she is cheating but that she's shady and scary (telling her friend at a party that she's ignoring him tonight because she wants all these guys to want to **** her again). That other friend told me what the girl said to her, now I am considering telling him. It's not my business, is disloyal to his gf (also my friend), but also seems like something I'd wanna know if my gf said something like that behind my back. So, what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Dubey 1,035 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I'd say no grounds to step in yet.You can't ruin a relationship based on year and a half old hearsay. And regarding the recent "incident", Wanting guys to want to fuck you is not the same as wanting guys to fuck you is not the same as actually fucking other guys. <------- great sentence Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I doubt it matters. Nobody breaks up with somebody because his friend doesn't approve.If your friend isn't happy being together with her, then you can talk to him about why he's staying with her, but I don't see why you would need to mention these specifics. Dubey, your sentence, amazingly enough, clarified things a little for me. I thought she wanted to fuck them, not that she wanted them to want to fuck her. Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Man, sorry. It's not my business, is disloyal to his gf (also my friend),Who? What? I am confused. You have 2 friends? This guy and this girl? Why are you friends with this girl. She doesn't seem like a nice person to hang around.Tell the guy and then you both can kick this nut job from the curb and you both will be better off. Well until she kills a pet or something. Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I thought she was fuccking them and wants them to fuck her AGAIN. (telling her friend at a party that she's ignoring him tonight because she wants all these guys to want to **** her again).So did they succeed the first time or is she just a plain attention whore? Link to post Share on other sites
Dubey 1,035 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 She has fucked them in the past, presumably before her current relationship, and now wants to appear available so that they 'want' to fuck her again.It is pretty normal and not shady (imo) for her to secretly want them to want to fuck her again, that is pretty basic human nature. Pretty strange though, for her to actually acknowledge that fact, and tell somebody else about it. Link to post Share on other sites
BillyPilgrim 1 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 She has fucked them in the past, presumably before her current relationship, and now wants to appear available so that they 'want' to fuck her again.It is pretty normal and not shady (imo) for her to secretly want them to want to fuck her again, that is pretty basic human nature. Pretty strange though, for her to actually acknowledge that fact, and tell somebody else about it.She was probably pretty drunk.I'm assuming. Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 She has fucked them in the past, presumably before her current relationship, and now wants to appear available so that they 'want' to fuck her again.It is pretty normal and not shady (imo) for her to secretly want them to want to fuck her again, that is pretty basic human nature. Pretty strange though, for her to actually acknowledge that fact, and tell somebody else about it.Well it still goes back to my belief that she is a nut job and they both can find a better friend/gf than this person. This isn't sounding like we are discussing a situation between two people who have the chance to marry and live happily ever after. Link to post Share on other sites
Dubey 1,035 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Well it still goes back to my belief that she is a nut job and they both can find a better friend/gf than this person. This isn't sounding like we are discussing a situation between two people who have the chance to marry and live happily ever after.Yeah, without actually knowing the people, I think it is safe to say the relationship probably won't last, but he probably needs to come to that realization on hsi own, not by his friend meddling in their relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
augmented 0 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 Yes, she has boned all those dudes in the past and obviously it's not that weird to secretly want their attention again but very very ridiculous to say that out loud. If I heard a significant other say that to someone I would most likely end it immediately. As far as not understand why I'm friends with her, it's completely out of my control, as I said. I've known her for 5 years and she's always been like this but now essentially lives at our house, doesn't pay rent, takes up hella bandwidth streaming shows on her stupid computer, talks shit about everyone, and generally sucks. I would absolutely choose to not have her in my life if it were up to me, but it's not. He's also the least confrontational person ever and I have no faith at all that he'll step up anytime soon. It seems like my options are either telling him now, or just sucking it up for another few months until something worse happens. Pretty yucky. Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Yeah, without actually knowing the people, I think it is safe to say the relationship probably won't last, but he probably needs to come to that realization on hsi own, not by his friend meddling in their relationship.So if your gf was doing that stuff and you found out your friend knew about it how would you feel? I am not suggesting the above is wrong. I am just curious. I think for me, I would like to know. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Yes, she has boned all those dudes in the past and obviously it's not that weird to secretly want their attention again but very very ridiculous to say that out loud. If I heard a significant other say that to someone I would most likely end it immediately. As far as not understand why I'm friends with her, it's completely out of my control, as I said. I've known her for 5 years and she's always been like this but now essentially lives at our house, doesn't pay rent, takes up hella bandwidth streaming shows on her stupid computer, talks shit about everyone, and generally sucks. I would absolutely choose to not have her in my life if it were up to me, but it's not. He's also the least confrontational person ever and I have no faith at all that he'll step up anytime soon. It seems like my options are either telling him now, or just sucking it up for another few months until something worse happens. Pretty yucky.So really you just want to make things better for yourself. We can stop pretending you're trying to save your friend or something.I think you're making way too big of a deal out of her statement. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 So if your gf was doing that stuff and you found out your friend knew about it how would you feel? I am not suggesting the above is wrong. I am just curious. I think for me, I would like to know.What stuff?They've already discussed the probable cheating incident from a year ago. Now it's just the statement, right? Link to post Share on other sites
augmented 0 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 Yes, the fact that I know it's largely selfishly motivated (shes just annoying and talks too much about annoying stuff) is what has kept me from saying anything to my friend thus far. Still, I am confident that he has a lot of built-up resentment and hatred for her, and that him ending it would make him realize just how much he's put up with for the last year and a half. At the same time, he'd be a wreck and it'd be on me, and I would also be a taddle tale.When my friends brought up the rumor last year that she had cheated, and I asked her about it, I ultimately decided not to tell the dude, and I still feel bad about that because I'm pretty sure it happened. This (telling a friend that you want dudes to wanna **** you) is obviously a much more minor offense, but still a terrible reflection on her character and it seems wack that I'd be protecting her twice now without telling him anything. Neither are my business, but enough may be enough. Link to post Share on other sites
strategy 4 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 the random wack really threw me Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 damn near exact situation happened to me in college. introduced girl to friend, they started dating unexpectedly, she was absolute complete nutjob/possible cheater.haven't spoken to him since we graduated and they're married. sorry bro, it's not your place. plus, even if you said something, he wouldn't believe you. Link to post Share on other sites
augmented 0 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 This is my best friend and leading candidate for best man at my own wedding. He'd believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 oh ok.(no he wouldn't.) Link to post Share on other sites
augmented 0 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 Fine, well then assuming he wouldn't, how would that affect my line here? Possibly more in favor of telling him for my own conscience because the downside is lower? oh ok.(no he wouldn't.) Link to post Share on other sites
pezeveng 207 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Your friend will put up with this girls shit because she gives great head and probably amazing in bed. You can tell him all you want but its not going to give him a spine because the alternative is jerking off which he's done for far too long.Deep down inside you probably wish you were tapping that ass as well. My suggestion to you is try tapping that ass and confess to your friend that you guys were both really drunk, you will lose this friend as he will blame you and comfort the girl.6 months from now when she breaks up with him, he will re enter your life saying I should have just left her can we be friends again Link to post Share on other sites
strategy 4 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 "how do I cope with my conscience" "you should sleep with your friend's girlfriend so they'll break up" Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 What stuff?They've already discussed the probable cheating incident from a year ago. Now it's just the statement, right?Oh. Link to post Share on other sites
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