JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Fuck! Day9rolled. That guy has obviously never seen breasts. Link to post Share on other sites
CobaltBlue 662 Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-10-most-un...orted-by-china/ Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 #9 made me laugh out loud.Go. Ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 "Augh, snakes! Who could have known I'd be swarmed by killer beasts in this swamp while feeling up my busty, open-red-shirted galpal! Nobody could have foresee-""Jesus Christ! Lynx attack! I can't belie- all right. So I guess I saw this one coming. Burn me once, and all that jazz. But these crimson-clad dames hate buttons as much as they love swamps! What's a man supposed to do?""Yeah, haha, OK. You got me: I started to get off on it. It's strange, you know? I don't really understand the psychology at play here -- whether it's the titties flopping or the animals screeching or the splashing of the water or the combination of all three -- but bringing a gal whose favorite color is red and doesn't understand shirts into a bog to be attacked by swarms of stuff is the only way I can finish these days.""Yeah. Yes. That's a good girl. Now just ... just grab the bat by the neck and thrash around with it. No, thrash, honey. That's squirming. Really put your hips into it and twist. That bright red half-shirt isn't going to unknot itself. No. No, dammit, Irene! That's writhing. You can't tell me -- with a midriff like that -- you can't tell me this is your first swamp-bat attack. You know what? I don't know if this is doing it for me anymore. I'm just not getting the same fix. I think I might have to escalate the scenario ...""Yes. Fuck yes. It's the trunk. The trunk is definitely working here. What's that? Shoot him? Why would I -- oh, right. The attacking. Sure, I'll just go ahead and pull this trigger riiiight ... uhnnn ... abooouuuut ... uhnnnnn ... holy shit! Are those aborigines?! Susan, I'm sorry, baby, but I just have to see how this plays out.""I *stab* AM *stab* COMING *stab* SO *stab* HARD! *stab*"Read more: 4 Ways to Enjoy Nature According to Insane Old Magazines | Cracked.com Link to post Share on other sites
InternetExplorer 2,609 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 saxton hale comic seriesthis was done for a game I used to play... it's really too much explanation for not much payoff... but basically, lots of inspiration from older magazines in those cartoon covers. the gorilla one in particular."64 pages of gorilla stabbing" Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Funny lines from Seanbaby that you can use as your own.(Might not be actual title.)I kinda wish Rose was still posting now."If the English language had a rape whistle, it would be blowing it right now.""This is how a sense of humor writes a suicide note.""These two sentences are all that remain of a Luftwaffe scientist's attempt at turning laughter into snakes.""If the Special Olympics had a comedy writing event, this would be the only entry that didn't win a hug.""I can't tell if this is the world's worst joke or the world's best riddle.""Is this trying to show us what newborn babies experience when you circumcise them?""The only reason a person would write it would be because their genitals were shaped like a 'Q' and they were trying to get revenge on language itself." Link to post Share on other sites
brvheart 1,752 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Funny lines from Seanbaby that you can use as your own.(Might not be actual title.)I kinda wish Rose was still posting now."If the English language had a rape whistle, it would be blowing it right now.""This is how a sense of humor writes a suicide note.""These two sentences are all that remain of a Luftwaffe scientist's attempt at turning laughter into snakes.""If the Special Olympics had a comedy writing event, this would be the only entry that didn't win a hug.""I can't tell if this is the world's worst joke or the world's best riddle.""Is this trying to show us what newborn babies experience when you circumcise them?""The only reason a person would write it would be because their genitals were shaped like a 'Q' and they were trying to get revenge on language itself."My goodness. Link to post Share on other sites
CobaltBlue 662 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 "If the Special Olympics had a comedy writing event, this would be the only entry that didn't win a hug."LLOL Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 My goodness. I can see people using that joke. Maybe as their defense when the prosecuting attorney asks them "What did the deceased say to you before you stomped his mouth into his stupid, shitty brain?" Oh, before we go on...you should know that John M. Byrne, the man who thought Bing Crosby's Byte Christmas was a complete joke, has written multiple books on how to write comedy. Yeah, I thought that'd get your attention, Satan.That last line kills me.Also:John M. Byrne is so tragic that breast cancer walks to end him. Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 "John Byrne, you fucking piece of shit."Yup, well that made me laugh out loud during class. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Thought this was amusing.5 Actors Who Do the Exact Same Thing in Every MovieThe actors are Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, Steven Seagal, Brad Pitt, and John Cusack.I knew the Cruise and Pitt ones and basically knew the Seagal one, but never realized the Hanks and Cusack ones. Link to post Share on other sites
GWCGWC 83 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Didn't think I could dislike John Cusack more than I already did but I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Seanbaby.The 8 Most Violent Falls Ever Survived on YouTube"This woman's weight distribution is a medical anomaly. You can't counterbalance a garbage bag full of hams with two hollow mannequin legs and call it a person -- that's how you build a trebuchet.""Ancient wizards called this technique 'witchcraft.' Modern scientists call it the same fucking thing.""This fat kid's mouth hit the ground so hard that a pie disappeared on the other side of the planet.""She hit the ground like God was spiking a football. She also managed to land directly on her lungs, causing her to feel a pain she could only describe with her impression of a sea lion removing anal beads." Link to post Share on other sites
GWCGWC 83 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 This Cracked hooked me early and I continued to laugh throughout the entire article. dude's pretty amazing:I went to public school, so my understanding of potential energy mostly comes from a book report I did on the film Ski Patrol, but it's something like this: You can tell how hard someone is going to party at the bottom of a mountain by how stupid they look at the top of it. Link to post Share on other sites
JubilantLankyLad 1,957 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I have a couple of cracked ribs. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have Clicked that link. I'm dehydrated from tears of laughter. And of pain. The suspense of the last guy was almost more than I could bear. Twice. Link to post Share on other sites
Sickinfo2 291 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Her impression of a sea lion removing anal beads is now my ring tone... Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 So I can still drink green beer? Link to post Share on other sites
Quacktastic 106 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 No appreciation here at allhttp://www.cracked.com/blog/8-insulting-wa....-patricks-day/This guy must be English trying to make the Irish look like vain *******. I almost created an account it pissed me off so much. He doesn't even understand the history. Insulted our greatest heroes who mounted a hopeless assault knowing it, just so their blood would hopefully wake up the nation and cause a revolt. Which it did and gained our independence. He can't be Irish.God this is the most the internet has gotten to me, just the thought of the amount of views his article is getting.A quick read makes it seem like he is mocking American people for using the holiday as an excuse to get wasted (we do) while falling into commercial pressures to wear green (check) so that they can act "Irish" for a day (guilty).Lighten up Francis. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Vu 176 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 So the green beer...yay or nay? Link to post Share on other sites
Quacktastic 106 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 He is saying it is moronic for American's to act Irish by doing that shit.Ya, he's really got you now. He's got you so you don't know what your doin. Link to post Share on other sites
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