you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[Guest XXEddie]

Also, the same guy called a big bet on the river with jack high mumbling something about pot odds, lol

Did Ellix Powers jump up from the table and run outside, yelling "He called with JACK HIGH!!!"

it was acually Q high but he was screaming Jack high...I love his reaction"you wi....wait....HAHAHAHAHA he called with a JACK HIGH!!!

[MCPeePants 0]

Also, the same guy called a big bet on the river with jack high mumbling something about pot odds, lol

Did Ellix Powers jump up from the table and run outside, yelling "He called with JACK HIGH!!!"

it was acually Q high but he was screaming Jack high

I thought that was the funniest part of the whole thing. Ellix was so hepped up on goofballs he either couldn't tell the difference between a jack and a queen or he couldn't even remember the hand he just played.

[VicRattlehead 0]

From Full Tilt MTT today:TinMan: doesnt matter how good or bad u r on this site LUCK is thge main factorDealer: iplaytwo wins the pot (560)Dealer: Hand #116960645TinMan: u can honestly have AA cracked 10X in a rowDealer: zimmIRISH wins the pot (1,080)Dealer: Hand #116961206TinMan: i haveTinMan: that was 10

[Guest XXEddie]

...did you honeslt think i was gonna let this die?

[Kendren 1]

Gotta admit, this is the first thread I've not seen Eddie flame somebody. This thread should be stickied for that fact alone.

[Guest]

Here's my best one I can think of right now. It's later in a Party SNG. There's about 5 people left, blinds are 100/200 and I'm second shortest with about 800 in the CO.I'm dealt AJs and it's folded to me, I go all-in and the BB calls turning over 79o. Of course he hits the 7 and I'm out. I ask why he calls"I thought you were trying to steal my blind."*sigh*Zara

[HangukMiguk 8]

...when they try to scoop a pot with a straight draw

[mjd 0]

heres another one:playing live at a local casino: 2/5 limit holdem.within the first 20 minutes or so a hand is dealt and i muck J8s UTG.  when i muck the cards though they flip over on the table.  half of the table goes into complete shock that i mucked the hand and i end up getting a speech from a few older guys on how they play any 2 suited cards.

I rarely accidentally flip my cards when I muck, but it happens. The most memorable time was when, in early position, I did the same. I mucked j8s and they accidentally flipped. It was at a 2/4 game in Washington. I got some disbelieving looks and then flop comes JJ8.Later that day at the same table, the big blind mucked his hand preflop when asked if he wanted to exercise his option to raise.....twice.And then the really strange stuff happened: A different person sat in that same big blind seat and mucked their Big Blind hand. I was stunned. Then, when he left, I asked for that seat and promptly restored what sanity I could.

[Emptyeye 0]

Man, wish I had some funny specific comments. I have had the honor of playing with a conspiracy theorist who was a subscriber to the "poker sites screw you when you withdraw" theory(Which is why he was playing nickel/dime instead of his "normal" level; to try and ride it out), and he went on about it for as long as I was at the table. And of course some guy who insists that internet poker is rigged in general and that stuff like that never happens in live poker.I ended up in a hand with this guy, raise it preflop with AQ suited, he calls two-cold, and some other people call as well. Flop of A9X, one of my suit, I naturally bet it, he calls. Turn is a 3 of my suit, I bet again, Mr. I HateInternetPoker raises. I 3-bet, he caps, and I call, figuring he turned his second pair (Or set, I remember thinking at the time it was two-pair) and I'd need to hit my flush to win. River brings my flush, I check it (Mainly wanting to rub it in his face), he bets, I raise, he calls. I show my ace-high flush, he mucks, then goes into a tirade about how he's been playing live poker for 15 years and this never happens to him there...apparently never considering the fact I actually had him dominated until he turned his five-outter (My subsequent peek at the hand history revealed I was absolutely correct in my on-the-fly analysis; he had 93s and had turned two-pair.), and even then still had plenty of outs to the flush. Then he got up and left the table.EDIT: Proofread, you fool.

[PatrickBateman 0]

You have top pair with a high kicker and someone with middle or bottom pair catches.You say, "nice catch" or "nice chase"They say, "well who won?"

[Hardrocker 0]

Playing 2-10 mixed limit at a local riverboat and raise with QQ, two callers.Flop comes A-K-X rainbow: I lead out and get raised...I show the guy next to me my hand and muck.He says: "Your gonna lay that down?"I say "With that flop and a raise? You know I am beat."He says: "Yeah, but you gotta see it."Two hours later I am up about the $200 he is down, as he gets up a leaves complaining that none of his big hands will hold up.

[UnionGuy 0]

Last night on Party $25 table, I get K K  raise 8x BB down to two handed flop comes K  10  4  he bets $3, I raise to $6, he gos all-in, I call  and he turns over 10  10  blanks on the turn and the river. He says "you lucky f'er" and reloads $25

dude youre NL game is terrible first you raise to 8xBB!!!! then when he bets 3 you raise the minimum?!terrible plays

You obviously haven't played the Party 25 NL games very much. You've got to raise 8x the BB in order to narrow the field. If you don't raise enough pre-flop, you'll have like 4 or 5 guys cracking your KK.

[Guest]

Last night on Party $25 table, I get K K  raise 8x BB down to two handed flop comes K  10  4  he bets $3, I raise to $6, he gos all-in, I call  and he turns over 10  10  blanks on the turn and the river. He says "you lucky f'er" and reloads $25

dude youre NL game is terrible first you raise to 8xBB!!!! then when he bets 3 you raise the minimum?!terrible plays

You obviously haven't played the Party 25 NL games very much. You've got to raise 8x the BB in order to narrow the field. If you don't raise enough pre-flop, you'll have like 4 or 5 guys cracking your KK.

Depending on my mood, I like Smasharoo's method of playing KK in these types of games. Just go all-in preflop. It's amazing what people will call you with.Zara

[Puddleglum5555 0]

1-2 nl gameseems like 9 maniacs at the table (this is the month after Moneymaker wins WSOP on tv) so I feel I will earn enough to buy a house or lose enough to have to refinance the one I have already:)UTG I pick up AAI make it 75 to go, because I know someone will call me:)Sure enough middle position goes all in over me for 300ish.  I call and show AA v. his AK  I win, but he complains and I quote:"my AK had more outs preflop." Bluefin crazy"HUH?!" hero"Sure AK has 6 outs preflop and AA only has 2" Bluefin crazyObviously I can barely count all the things wrong with his statement so I do the smart things and get up to have a smoke .  I come back to the table 10 minutes later and 3 of the players are still debating which hand had more "outs" preflop.God bless everything Moneymaker did for this game.

:shock:

[fryer98 30]

When he figuring his out to call me on an all-in and I say "Have you even put me on a hand?" and he says "No....but I have my favorite suit."

[gerund 0]

New player sits down and announces to the table "I never bluff - I hate bluffing" and he's right, he never bluffs and he never folds either.After a while I work out what he's trying to do. He wins with bottom pair against someone who had a busted straight and flush draw. When he catches them he starts celebrating about catching bluffers.He tells them "It's no use trying to bluff me - I hate bluffers."Two hours and three rebuys later he's broke and we have proved to him that we can play without bluffing if we really want to. He mutters something about an unlucky chair and we go back to our normal play.Gerund

[gerund 0]

Last one was first post here BTW.Playing poker one night and a new player sits down - (this is $5 - $10 limit and most stacks are $200 - $400) and he has hands full of $100 chips and at least one $500 chip. And he brings a beer with him. The first hand he plays I bluff and he looks with nothing, and his nothing beats my nothing.He looks me in the eye and slurs "Don't try to bluff me, I've got too many chips!"So over the next two hours I play 5 hands against him exactly as I played the bluff and he looks at every one, and I win every one of those hands. On the last hand he looks across blurrily at my winning hand and says (even more slurred) "<expletive deleted> you're a lucky <another expletive>". The very next hand I bluff again and he looks at his hand, looks at me and FOLDS! The first time he has folded in the 2.1/2 hours since he sat down. Sadly after that he left.Gerund

[gerund 0]

Sitting next to a regular player who I know has been playing for at least 30 or 40 years and a very attractive young lady sits down at the other end of the table. The RP mutters under his breath "What would a young girl like that know about poker?" just as she receives her chips, cuts them into 5 stacks, shows a clean hand to the cameras and restacks them with her other hand.The RP continues muttering, more to himself than to me, "We're going to take your chips darling"3 or 4 hours later as she is standing up with more than triple the chips, I say "What casino do you work for?" "How do you know I'm a dealer?" she asks.Gerund

[gerund 0]

When I started playing poker I didn't do very well at it, but I persisted and during the late nineties I discovered some online resources that improved my game in leaps and bounds. I went from losing to winning in a matter of months, once I understood position and starting hands.One night we were on the river on a hand I had been betting from the beginning and I missed everything. I had a ton of outs but nothing came for me. The player in the last position looked up and said "You know the player who has improved his play the most this year is Gerund. I can't beat him any more."The rest of them looked like those toy dogs people put in their back window, with the head on a spring. As I looked at all the bobble heads after me I changed from a check (there were about 5 or 6 still in the hand) to a bet and they all folded. Every one of them!Gerund

[gerund 0]

There was a player in our regular game who used to play every hand. One night she went all the way to the river against the local rock, and when she turned her cards over she had something like AhQh with a board like 5s 6s Tc 2d 6c.Of course the rock was in the BB and had T6 and had bet her on every street. One of the other players said "Why did you play them? You know Freddy only plays the nuts."She replied "They were beautiful cards - they were suited."He said "But you need some of the same suit on the table if you want to get a flush"She gave him that "You're an idiot for bring that up" look and I wanted him to shut up - she played most every hand and donated to all of us heavily.Why do they have to give rich fish lessons?Fortunately she knew better and was still donating to us months later.Gerund

[gerund 0]

I had a dentist who liked to go to our casino once every couple of months and get drunk as a skunk and loose whatever money he had in his pocket to blackjack.One saturday night he sat down near me at the poker table and proceeded to play every hand and loose several buyins to everyone. I was tired and went home when he was about half way through his bankroll.The next time I saw him he was smarting over that night. He told me he didn't mind losing as he knew he didn't know how to play the game and he expected to pay to play, but he wasn't likely to play it again as one of the older players had abused him about his play.He said "I don't know what I did, but he got my money AND abused me. Why should I have to put up with that? He won and abused me for my play as well."Why do they try to frighten off the fish?Gerund

[NickTheKid 0]

Why do they try to frighten off the fish?

... People are naturally good, he doesn't like the idea of the guy losing every penny he has doing stupid stuff, people like to help eachother.

[gerund 0]

One night online I had something like AKo in an early position so I called and got a ragged flop like 47T rainbow. There was only one looker so I put in a decent raise (it was NL) and got called.He had only just sat down and I didn't have any idea of how he played so we checked it to the river getting bricks on the turn and flop.He shows JTo and wins the hand, then starts berating me about raising without a hand - what was I doing raising like that without a hand and he could report me to the site if I kept doing that.I thought at first he was trying to be funny, but he kept on and on about it - he was serious. Finally one of the other players got sick of the yammer and said "Haven't you heard of a bluff?"He was very silent after that, which made me think he was serious.Seriously.Gerund

[gerund 0]

I'm playing in an online tourney and I only have an average stack when I see on my screen AA in the hole.Some short stack before me goes all in, and so do I. The rest of the table folds and our cards show. Short stack has 99 - totally dominated.Flop is 923turn is a 5river is a 4Nineboy is out, busted. Trip nines don't beat a 5 high straight.He goes into a long tirade, calling into disrepect my parents, my sexual preferences, my morals and what body part I'm made of. I ignore him. After all I have his chips, and even if I could I'm not giving them back. Especially not after he called me a common word for a sphincter.Finally someone said to him, "What did you expect him to do with aces? Fold?"The silence was a glorious thing.Gerund

[theives 0]

My personal favorite quotes:"Well, they were SUITED... moron""You can't just fold a pair""You could have been bluffing""I won didn't I?""Playing every hand just increases your chances of winning""I play with balls""It's who has the best hand on the river, not the flop"