you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[Scott31 0]

JFarrel got banned for countless offensive and stupid postsSmash just doesnt post anymore....and Im glad about that frankly

Ahh, I'll miss JFarrell's stupid posts. As for Smash, I'm kinda baffled that he doesn't post anymore. Doesn't he usually make some big production out of his leaving? And it's followed inevitably by his return. A guy like Smash leaving without getting the attention he so very much needs is, well, odd.

[Guest XXEddie]

"Why am I only getting two cards"seen this a couple times...in most cases ive seen them before and I know that they are not newbut they dont know that i know that thye know how to playand I know that they dont know that I know how to......im lost.....DAMNITtime for sleep.....I acually had the discipling to not wake up at 7 this morning to lay poker...I "spelt in" till 10

[FARGOpokerND 22]

some of these posts make me cry....especially those b e a utiful exibits

[Makata 0]

You know you're playing against a fish when .... he doesn't raise QKs from the SB.Er, wait..

[walktheplank69 0]

Just a few from my $5/10 limit days. I'm paraphrasing a bit cos I didn't cut and paste them like I should. The last is by far my favourite."How could I not hit that? I had 35 outs!""Red cards just seem to be lucky for me""I fold pocket aces if there's more than 3 people in the pot""I wouldn't wipe my ass with the Ace of spades... I fold it every time I get it.""I saw I had a deuce as my first card and said to myself "There's no way I'm playing this hand", but my second card was an ace so I made it 3 bets to go.""The software's screwed... I had a flush... I won that hand... This is total BS" (Only had 4 clubs and a spade)"I swear to god K3 is my lucky hand... I'd bet my house on it if they'd let me.""Poker is 99% luck and 1% skill and if you're operating ay 99% you're good enough to beat most games""If I have 3rd pair with an 8 kicker I'm good to go baybee!""I swear to god that Jews just kill me. I can beat arabs and koreans like I was their big brother, but Jews are like cryptonite.""If you raise every single pot to its limit the worst you can do is break even moron... Don't even start on strategy cos I wrote the ****ing buck (Exact spelling I promise you) on it""I won that pot... I have your money... I think that settles who's the better player don't you!" (After hitting runner runner spades to beat me)"An 8 and a 4 have as much chance of winning as any 2 other cards" (In his defence, I think he meant "hitting")"I couldn't figure out why there were so many cards and then someone told me I'd enrolled in an Omaha tournament"Ah... Happy days

[Royal27 0]

1-2 nl game Play X raises to $6 in middle position. everyone folds.Player Y states, "you overbet the pot."Player X "Huh? I had AK, how did I overbet the pot?"Player Y "Everyone folded and you only won $3. Congratulations! You should have won more with that hand!"

[commoncents 0]

My new favorite line:"Please do not tap on the fsh tank!" :-)

[HelioCentric 0]

A couple months back, I was at our homegame when it was just starting up, so the players were pretty new to poker.  It was towards the end and I pick up AA.  Guy raises all in preflop and I call.  He flips over his cards (KcTc) and says "flush draw".  I flip over mine and say "boat draw".

Something about this tickled me just right. Great Post.

[Abbaddabba 0]

This was at a 1/2 nl table. I called A/10 suited in mid position. The SB raises up to 3x the bb - two limpers fold and I call. Flop comes with rainbow rags (7/5/2, or something). He bets 4 dollars into a pot of 18. There are two possibilities. He's either baiting me into a pot with an absurdly small bet, or he's an extremely weak player. I raise it to 15, expecting him to either reraise (to which i'd fold), call (to which i'd check fold if unimproved on the turn) or hopefully fold the superior hand, given how pathetic the bet was and how much of a puss he seemed like.He looks at me nervously and says "you hit a set, didnt you", apparently throwing away pockets above the board rags.<3

[chindi 0]

$20 buy in tounament. 100 chips startingblinds at 8/10Three hands in, short stack and middle stack, and me (at the time middlin' stack)Flop: Ac 8d 3cI have JcTc on button.Short stack pushes all in for 45.Middle stack calls.I think about it for about 15 seconds too little and decide I just don't have enough of an idea about the caller, I know the raiser hit his Mid-strength ace, but the caller just got moved to our table so I err on the side of caution and lay it down.Short stack: Ad 10hMiddle Stack: 8s 10dTurn: 8hRiver: 8cMiddle Stack as he rakes it in: 'I knew you didn't have the flush'.-----Happy ending:Middle Stack later busts out in 4th place (top 3 pay) though he had 3rd stack at that point, and the guy with the small stack had barely enought to cover the big blind and was going to be all-in the next hand. Went all-in with A2 on a 2 9 10 flop, and got reamed by Pocket 9s.

[HowMuchIsIt 0]

I was playing a 1-2 no limit game when the following rookie comes to the table and sits down with all white $1 chips (less than 100): He plays pretty tight till finally he raises the 2 dollar blind to 5 dollars (NO-LIMIT!!!) a couple players get in, flop comes out 37Q, he bets out 10 dollars, one guy calls. next card is a blank, bets 10 again and the guy calls. last card is a king and he bets 1/2 of the rest of his chips (which were less than 100 to begin with and the other guy raises all in and the rookie folds. I asked him what he had to bet it down and then fold, he said a pair of three's...i asked in the hole or with the board and he let the dealer turn up his two threes in the hole which made trips to the other guy's kq which he showed. We all asked so why did you fold...."because he went all in." If only it were that easy all the time.

[Guest]

I submit Exhibit A and Exhibit B.

My colleagues at work are looking at me like I lost my mind. These two gave me a very good laugh for a Monday morning. I had to read the Exhibit A to make sure he was serious. He forgot to add that if its raining outside and you see a lady in a yellow dress walking by, you don't need to have a pair in the hole, unless its Tuesday before 11 am, then u need the pair in the hole.

[sirliej 0]

"I swear to god K3 is my lucky hand... I'd bet my house on it if they'd let me."Ah... Happy days

That's what this thread needed: a Krablar reference.

[LAPoker 0]

I find that people often proove themselves to be fish when:1. Online I find that whenever someone has a pictur of a fish or a fish in there name.2. Whenever they are berating someone for being a fish

[JaysonWeber 0]

I think this will get very very fun

"Hi. My name is Jayson Weber. Mind if I sit down?"Woohoo!! New page, suckers!

BBBBBBUUUUUUURRRRNNNNN!!!.....Sorry Jaysonbut it was funny, huh?

Lol absolutely, I'm a fish! I AM A FISH, INVITE ME TO TABLES.

[CaneBrain 95]

I was playing a 1-2 no limit game when the following rookie comes to the table and sits down with all white $1 chips (less than 100):  He plays pretty tight till finally he raises the 2 dollar blind to 5 dollars (NO-LIMIT!!!) a couple players get in, flop comes out 37Q, he bets out 10 dollars, one guy calls. next card is a blank, bets 10 again and the guy calls. last card is a king and he bets 1/2 of the rest of his chips (which were less than 100 to begin with and the other guy raises all in and the rookie folds. I asked him what he had to bet it down and then fold, he said a pair of three's...i asked in the hole or with the board and he let the dealer turn up his two threes in the hole which made trips to the other guy's kq which he showed. We all asked so why did you fold...."because he went all in."  If only it were that easy all the time.

Where do you guys find these people? Either I have the worst table selection on the planet or something else is afoot....I mean I see a few maniacs from time to time but they dont defend their play with hilarious comments....ah well

[JaysonWeber 0]

Okay.. Here it is.4/8 game (Yeah the spread it at Sports.Com)I call with 9-10 suited on the button, end up winning with a straight that I hit on the river, Flopped a BD Flushdraw and Straight draw, Raised the Flop etc... yada yada...So it's shown down 3 ways"You play 9-10? I would never play that hand."Me- "Really? Allright."I expect it's done there...He goes in a tirade that started with...I've never read a book that said that you should play that hand, I dont know if you know what the term EV is, But you should probobly look it up, Your now noted as a loose-fish....It continued for a while, with saying yeah, I suck etc.. etc.. I love it He must have read a Helmuth book?

[....Ian.... 0]

home tourney.on the floppot size 35001200 for fish to call, goes over the top for 1400 total to calli call for 200 (though i was bluffing) with only a king high he shows 9 high"i thought you'd fold if i went all in cuz i knew you had nothing"*shakes head in disbelief*

[Tman 0]

Not always a fish but, always makes me laugh,Guy usally with sunglass'es and a Hawaiin shirt, sits down at a NL cash game, sits in for two hands with no action starts talking about how there is no action here and how bad the table is, meanwhile he sits ther for 4 hours and hardly plays a hand.Also like the guy who keeps telling everyone how drunk he is.

[wisky_VI 0]

I find that people often proove themselves to be fish when:1.  Online I find that whenever someone has a pictur of a fish or a fish in there name.2.  Whenever they are berating someone for being a fish

Last night someone berated me for betting $150 into about a $190 pot with two the the flush on the board. (I had the nut str8 which was the nuts on the board) My mental response and what I typed are two different things, don't wanna scare anyone off. Usually act like I agree and keep on taking money, I'm actually more worried about the other 8 at the table rather than mr smart !! LOL

[Guest XXEddie]

i cant resistbump

[fryer98 30]

i cant resistbump

You LOVE this thread!! haha

[princeof56k 0]

I need to stop using the chat when I play. I'm seeing too many of my comments in here.

[MCPeePants 0]

Also, the same guy called a big bet on the river with jack high mumbling something about pot odds, lol

Did Ellix Powers jump up from the table and run outside, yelling "He called with JACK HIGH!!!"

[nealdo17 0]

"pinch, pinch"