you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[Randy Reed 0]

That's actually not so bad a call.Anyway, This guy caps preflop with KTo against my QQ, flop is Q94 anyway he calls to river and hits runner runner flush, so I called him a donk. He says, "What's a donk?" I said, "A fish, you know, you're a fish" and he said, "What's a fish?"

[MikePatrick 0]

Sorry, but if you want to put your tournament life on the line with 3 outs, be my guest.

[spm 1]

Here is my input on the soccer athletes vs. hockey athletes argumentYes, skating is tiring and the hockey players hit each other harder. However, they wear helmets and PADDING!!!!!!!!  Not to say it still doesn't hurt, but they do have some protection.In soccer, there are quite a few hard collisions with no padding, and YES, soccer players pretty much DO run around for 90 minutes. Also, the hockey players are constantly subbing in and out, while soccer players play the whole time.   Thus, soccer players, on average, are better conditioned athletes and better athletes overall.My freshman year of college a couple years ago, my roommate was a hockey player in high school, I was a runner in high school, and one of our friends was a soccer team who was playing for the college. We had the argument over who was better conditioned, and of course everyone argued for their sport. So, we went to the track and raced/timed a mile. I ran 4:59, the soccer player ran 5: 21 or something close to that, and the hockey player ran 6:34. Afterward, he couldn't believe how fast we were and was forced to admit that hockey players aren't quite as conditioned as us.   I know this is only one example, but I am sure that this is generally how it would turn out.With all that being said, boxers are the best conditioned athletes overall, no questions asked (this does not include the overweight heavyweight fighters).   They must be athletic in every single way while getting hit in the face.

What about cyclists. Look at the Tour de France. You have to be seriously fit to compete in that. Miguel Indurain the Spanish rider who won 5 times had a resting heart rate of 28bpm, your average person has a resting heart rate of 60 - 70 bpm. The other side of that, when racing, he had a heart rate of 220 and could keep that going for 4-6 hours (enough to kill most people).As for hockey players vs football (soccer as you call it) players. They worked out David Beckham runs between 6-9 miles each match.

[bobbywithani 0]

That's actually not so bad  a call.Anyway, This guy caps preflop with KTo against my QQ, flop is Q94 anyway he calls to river and hits runner runner flush, so I called him a donk.  He says,  "What's a donk?"  I said, "A fish, you know, you're a fish" and he said, "What's a fish?"

Aside from capping pre-flo, his play isn't too bad. he was getting probably somewhere around 9-1 on the flop to make his gutshot straight. Then when the turn came to give him 4 to the flush his odds were there too. And don't tap the glass.

[Guest XXEddie]

That's actually not so bad  a call.Anyway, This guy caps preflop with KTo against my QQ, flop is Q94 anyway he calls to river and hits runner runner flush, so I called him a donk.  He says,  "What's a donk?"  I said, "A fish, you know, you're a fish" and he said, "What's a fish?"

Aside from capping pre-flo, his play isn't too bad. he was getting probably somewhere around 9-1 on the flop to make his gutshot straight. Then when the turn came to give him 4 to the flush his odds were there too. And don't tap the glass.

he wasnt tapping no glasshe just called him a donk and fishnever did he say "you werent getting the right pot odds" or anything like that

[DCWildcat 0]

"wtf party is rigged. i havent had aa, kk, or ak in like 50 hands."

[kers2 0]

It was getting late in a super satellite to the stars sunday tourney, and there were a couple people that were stalling. The debate ran back and forth then I read this:"IF YOU COULD STALL INFINITY, IT WOULD MAKE SENSE THEN"I laughed out loud not because of the validity of the argument, but the fact that I think he might be 6 years old.

[goose 0]

I love this one:Me: KKFlop:K 10 7Turn:KRiver: AI take the pot down after the villain goes all in, and he mucks after I show him my beautiful beautiful quads. He proceeds to whine about how unlucky it is that his AK got cracked when he made the boat, and that I was such a rookie player he could pwn me anyday etc. etc.me: uhh... all four of the kings were out there, 2 in my hand, 2 on the board. It's not possible for you to have had a king in your hand.him: you suck (leaves table)

[HurricaneKyle 0]

In a home game I play in, there is this one guy that baffles everyone else. You know the type, he's the guy who is so bad that it helps him win some nights. The type that calls with anything, the type who will call with bottom pair on a AK3 flop with 37, and then say I knew I was going to hit another seven. The type when you have AK on a QJT flop has AQ and always manages to hit a king to split. The kind of opponent who desperately tries to lose his money(usually does), but way too often the poker gods don't let it happen. Well anyway, we were ridiculing him one night, and he says "At least I'm playing poker." Another good one is this. I was playing at a bar one night and we were dealing one card for dealer. Well naturally there were two aces out, and I said the Ace of spades wins because its a higher suit. Anyway one donkey says If you make a flush it doesn't matter what suit it is, I PLAY IN A HOME GAME EVERY FRIDAY!!!!!! I just had to sit back and laugh.

[Razor 0]

I've had people say similar things to me.They "critique" my play, saying that im too predictable. Every time i raise, he knows i have big cards or a high pair!... which is why he'll call 3 cold preflop, and proceed to call down the entire way with second pair.I got him a bit irritated when i told him i didn't mind being predictable if everyone was going to call me with garbage anyways.A similar quote ...I lose with KK after a guy makes his 2 pair on the river, 6's and 2's, hit a 6 on the river after I jammed the pot every street. He wasn't asked, but decided to explain why he called 3 cold, and continued to call to the river with ....."I always play low cards when it's raised and re-raised because it means everyone else has high cards, and my low cards are still in the deck, which means I'm more likely to hit"Sure thing superstar! ... I'm just glad I was playing with some intelligent people who made him feel confident his strategy was sound.

[Razor 0]

I've had people say similar things to me.They "critique" my play' date=' saying that im too predictable. [b']Every time i raise, he knows i have big cards or a high pair![/b]... which is why he'll call 3 cold preflop, and proceed to call down the entire way with second pair.I got him a bit irritated when i told him i didn't mind being predictable if everyone was going to call me with garbage anyways.A similar quote ...I lose with KK after a guy makes his 2 pair on the river, 6's and 2's, hit a 6 on the river after I jammed the pot every street. He wasn't asked, but decided to explain why he called 3 cold, and continued to call to the river with ....."I always play low cards when it's raised and re-raised because it means everyone else has high cards, and my low cards are still in the deck, which means I'm more likely to hit"Sure thing superstar! ... I'm just glad I was playing with some intelligent people who made him feel confident his strategy was sound.Why the fuck do I suck so bad at quoting!!!!!!!

[Abbaddabba 0]

I've heard some old chinese man at rama give that exact explanation for "puhlayee the low cahd".

[fryer98 30]

Mortikal: have to remember AA is ok but will get you in trouble more than JT

[mrdannyg 274]

Mortikal: have to remember AA is ok but will get you in trouble more than JT

don't know if this was a joke, but it definitely has to be an all-time great fish quote.i just had a decent one myself. it isn't converted because the comment is the funny part. the "fish" actually played the hand very well.The Hand:NastyMick posts small blind [$1].mrdannyg posts big blind [$2].** Dealing down cards **Dealt to mrdannyg [ Td Th ]Holgsson calls [$2].FOXYBIKER calls [$2].DrEarth folds.vonDorin folds.StarsAbove1 folds.GoLions2010 folds.LovelyGodiva folds.gersholvar folds.NastyMick calls [$1].mrdannyg raises [$2].Holgsson calls [$2].FOXYBIKER calls [$2].NastyMick calls [$2].** Dealing Flop ** [ Js, Tc, 5c ]NastyMick checks.mrdannyg bets [$2].Holgsson calls [$2].FOXYBIKER folds.NastyMick raises [$4].mrdannyg calls [$2]. (I was planning on raising any non-club turn, since I figured Mick for a Jack or clubs and Holgsson for the live draw)Holgsson has been reconnected and has 16 seconds to act.Holgsson calls [$2].** Dealing Turn ** [ Ac ]NastyMick bets [$4].mrdannyg calls [$4].Holgsson calls [$4].** Dealing River ** [ Jd ]NastyMick bets [$4].mrdannyg raises [$8].Holgsson folds.NastyMick calls [$4].mrdannyg shows [ Td, Th ] a full house, Tens full of jacks.NastyMick doesn't show [ 2c, Jc ] a flush, ace high.mrdannyg wins $53.50 from the main pot with a full house, Tens full of jacks.NastyMick: nice catch sheepmrdannyg: tyNastyMick: one-outer, i had the Jnothing fantastic i know, i just thought it was very typical for a fish to complain about getting 'caught' or rivered when they were in fact way behind on the flop, drew out, then were redrawn.daniel

[fryer98 30]

Mortikal: have to remember AA is ok but will get you in trouble more than JT

don't know if this was a joke, but it definitely has to be an all-time great fish quote.

He was serious. I was playing with some others on stars at .01/.02 NL last night and I sat out. I was gone for a while and saw this when I came back to close the table. There were other good lines, but that was by far the best.

[FREDDIE MERCURY 0]

"All you need is a chip and a chair"

[ShieldWolf 0]

NastyMick: nice catch sheep mrdannyg: ty NastyMick: one-outer, i had the J nothing fantastic i know, i just thought it was very typical for a fish to complain about getting 'caught' or rivered when they were in fact way behind on the flop, drew out, then were redrawn. danielI love that he thinks you caught a "one-outer." So easy for bad players to convince themselves that they just get unlucky.

[Scarcity 0]

lol

[leers 0]

You know you are playing with a fish when.......... The guy sitting behind you says, "hey quit raising preflop."

[Nutcracker 0]

"Poker is pretty much like bingo"

[mrdannyg 274]

"Poker is pretty much like bingo"

i think we have a winner.

[gerund 0]

Part of a conversation at a party one night...Woman: When we play poker at our place we apply one rule a little differently to other people. You know in Hoyles it says that you play your hole cards with the cards on the board? Well most people don't understand that. If you have AK and the board is QJT then you have a straight, but if the next card is a K then you have to play your AK with the K on the board and you just have a pair of kings.Me: Did you ever think that everyone else might be right and you might be wrong?Woman: We just play it that way. If you come to our place to play poker we make sure you understand that.Me: It's not really poker you are playing. It's some other game. You might call it poker, but it's not really.Woman: No, we follow what it says in Hoyles. It's poker.Me: You have totally and completely mis-interperated the rules in Hoyes. It isn't poker you are playing but some made up game that is a figment of your imagination.Woman: That's just our rules.Me: I could have AK and be beaten on the river by 89 when a K comes?Woman: Well you would have a pair of kings when you play your king with the king on the board and 89 would have a queen high straight.you just have to understand that is our rules if you come to play at our place.Me: Not much chance of that.

[KowboyKoop 0]

Here is my input on the soccer athletes vs. hockey athletes argumentYes, skating is tiring and the hockey players hit each other harder. However, they wear helmets and PADDING!!!!!!!! Not to say it still doesn't hurt, but they do have some protection.In soccer, there are quite a few hard collisions with no padding, and YES, soccer players pretty much DO run around for 90 minutes. Also, the hockey players are constantly subbing in and out, while soccer players play the whole time. Thus, soccer players, on average, are better conditioned athletes and better athletes overall.My freshman year of college a couple years ago, my roommate was a hockey player in high school, I was a runner in high school, and one of our friends was a soccer team who was playing for the college. We had the argument over who was better conditioned, and of course everyone argued for their sport. So, we went to the track and raced/timed a mile. I ran 4:59, the soccer player ran 5: 21 or something close to that, and the hockey player ran 6:34. Afterward, he couldn't believe how fast we were and was forced to admit that hockey players aren't quite as conditioned as us. I know this is only one example, but I am sure that this is generally how it would turn out.With all that being said, boxers are the best conditioned athletes overall, no questions asked (this does not include the overweight heavyweight fighters). They must be athletic in every single way while getting hit in the face.

What about cyclists. Look at the Tour de France. You have to be seriously fit to compete in that. Miguel Indurain the Spanish rider who won 5 times had a resting heart rate of 28bpm, your average person has a resting heart rate of 60 - 70 bpm. The other side of that, when racing, he had a heart rate of 220 and could keep that going for 4-6 hours (enough to kill most people).As for hockey players vs football (soccer as you call it) players. They worked out David Beckham runs between 6-9 miles each match.

About cyclinst, yes, they are in extremely good shape. However, the fact that they don't take a pounding on their legs like runners do, or like boxers do over the upper part of their bodies, takes away from them A LITTLE BIT, but just a little. I still say boxers are the overall best conditioned though, as getting hit in the face is a major obstacle that noone else experiences.

[ShieldWolf 0]

Part of a conversation at a party one night...Woman: When we play poker at our place we apply one rule a little differently to other people. You know in Hoyles it says that you play your hole cards with the cards on the board? Well most people don't understand that. If you have AK and the board is QJT then you have a straight, but if the next card is a K then you have to play your AK with the K on the board and you just have a pair of kings.Me: Did you ever think that everyone else might be right and you might be wrong?Woman: We just play it that way. If you come to our place to play poker we make sure you understand that.Me: It's not really poker you are playing. It's some other game. You might call it poker, but it's not really.Woman: No, we follow what it says in Hoyles. It's poker.Me: You have totally and completely mis-interperated the rules in Hoyes. It isn't poker you are playing but some made up game that is a figment of your imagination.Woman: That's just our rules.Me: I could have AK and be beaten on the river by 89 when a K comes?Woman: Well you would have a pair of kings when you play your king with the king on the board and 89 would have a queen high straight.you just have to understand that is our rules if you come to play at our place.Me: Not much chance of that.

Speaking of house rules... This was about 3 weeks ago at a place my buddies and I decided to try out:In the middle of a NL Holdem game at a local bar (MTT). The tournament director also happened to be playing at our table. Early on in the game I am heads up with him holding A8. Flop is A83. I check. He says "I bet 300." I stack up 750 in chips and push them out. He says "Ok, he called." Lady next to me says "No, no. He raised."TD: "He didn't say 'raise'."Me: "Well, I put 750 out in front of me."TD: "Yeah, but you didn't say 'raise'."Me: "What does that matter? I put the chips in very clearly."TD: "You gotta say 'raise' though."Me: "Fine. I'll say 'raise' from now on. But tell me now if there are any other house rules I should know about."TD: "We don't have house rules. We play here just like they do on TV."Normally, I can take in stupid poker comments and laugh, but this one really irked me.Me: "Well, if you ever run into Chris Ferguson, make sure you say that you saw the World Series of Poker on TV, and he forgot to say 'raise'.Same place later that night Was going to play a NL Holdem game (side tourney), when someone (Man #1) said "We're going to get an Omaha tournament together." As we all put in the money and the chips started to get divided up, the guy (Man#2) sitting next to me said "I don't think I ever played this. Not sure I know how."Man #1: "Well, it's like Holdem, except you get 4 cards instead of 2."Man#2: "Oh, I can figure that out then."Man #1: "Yeah, but here's the thing. You can only use 2 cards to make your hand, and you HAVE to use 2 of your cards."Man #2: "Is that it?"Man #1: "Yeah, everything else is the same. The board is the same, the betting is the same..."Me: "Wait, why are you saying the betting is the same?"Man #1: "Cause you bet the same way."Me: "The same way you would bet in pot-limit holdem, you mean."Man #1: "No, we never play pot-limit. We only play no-limit."Me: "You're telling me you're trying to play NO-LIMIT OHAMA?"Man#1: "Yeah."This time, I was able to just laugh. Took back my money and left.Nasty stuff, but your lady's "house rules" easily top either one of them.

[gerund 0]

I'm bumping this cause it deserves to be sticky.What's brown and sticky?A stick. -- Julian Clary Sticky Moments.