you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[Dratj 0]

Just happend today.Home game 10 buy in. I pick up Aces UTG and make it 3xBB. Get called by button. The flop comes 6 4 2 with two diamonds. I bet, he raises. I think for a minute and go all in trying to shut out any draw possibilities. He replies to me, i have two draws and i took it as a straight/flush draw (as did everyone else). After debating for a minute, he calls....with Q,4 of spades. At that time, there were no spades on the board. Needless to say, the whole table got a good laugh about it.

how many chips did you have? I'm just wondering if you overbet the pot too much. There's maybe 7.5 bb in the pot. I wouldn't move in if I had 30 bb left. If your opponent had a set, you'd be dead in the water. I would probably lead out and bet 3/4 to pot size as a feeler. I wouldn't risk my whole stack with just an overpair unless I only had like 8 bb left. and yes, your friend is definitely a donkey.

[wheatrich 0]

My latest one was at a 1/2 6max table I'm the only full stack at it. UTG is new to the table. Other guy is one of the weak tightest people I've ever seen he brought almost nothing to the table but has a decent stack now and is lucky just to still be there--moved allin with AQ and I had to call with JJ. then he made a straight on the turn and for only 10 bucks into a 40 pot I couldn't figure out how to fold two pair.UTG limped I raised 4x UTG is the only caller.Flop came AQ4 two spades I bet standard (about the pot) he calls.Turn Jack of spades. Check Check (thanks for the worst card possible)River nine. He bets the pot I can really only beat a total bluff--if he had anything reasonable calling the flop I'm beat here other than just a pair--but that wouldn't have bet the pot. So I folded. He showed 52 offsuit. Other guy said well played. I said lucky (I had no idea he calls raises with 52 off...). First guy--nope well played. I just laughed to myself. Didn't take long to get the $ back from either one of them as they both played really weak tight from then on.

[76clubs 0]

Hello, my name is Annie Duke. Im a total Bitch.

[gkunit20 1]

Hello, my name is Tiffany Williamson. Im a total Bitch.

FYP

[TheLadiezMan 0]

racfan0203: its all luckcorysway: that it isTheLadiezMan: not really but keep playing that way pleaseracfan0203: what everracfan0203: you like the poker god there ladiezman.lolTheLadiezMan: are you putting words in my mouth now?racfan0203: I see your doing real wellTheLadiezMan: you just made an ignorant statement and i just commented on it so if that makes me godTheLadiezMan: yes im god thenTheLadiezMan has 15 seconds to betracfan0203: then all I can say is god bless you...... racfan0203: you need helpabout five hands later I get aa and raise. The dude reraises me all in with k 10 os, as it seems to be his favorite hand to raise all in with, and doubles me up. Afterwards I proceeded to say to him in the voice of the guys from the Guiness commercials "brilliant" and he called me buckwheat.

[Guest XXEddie]

NL 100I raise to 4 with QTs, 2 callersflop KJT, check, I bet 11, fold, callturn, 9check to me, I bet 16, callriver, Jhe bets 10I call cause If i move him allin(he only had 50 left) hes only calling with a Q(lost money to rake) or bettervillan shows 82seriously. The whole delayed bluff thing is an advance move, but not when you bet 1/8 the pot.also, the people that buy into cash games for the minimum

[edub10304 0]

after a 1st hr of a MTT, playing 15% FLOPS and showdowns won with best hand from time of bet. I raise 3xbb from the sb with AT unopened vs a noted loose caller and Big stack bully. Flop AK7 rainbow, i bet out pot, he min raises and i reraise allin. He thinks and calls with K9, no problem, i want that call. Turn is a K and im out and he says " I had you on crap"lol, i played like 10 flops first 1.5 hrs and always had it.dub

[timwakefield 68]

Blinds 50/100, i have about 1500 left, Dumbass has about 2500.I am BB. UTG raises to 300, Dumbass calls, I call with AJ. Flop comes A35 rainbow, I check, UTG checks, Dumbass bets 300, I raise all-in, UTG folds and Dumbass calls and shows K4 and loses. Me: ThanksDumbass: Whatever, I was on a draw, I knew you had an ace.

[Dratj 0]

Man, I've got to complain about some bad beats that I got today.Multiple limpers, I go over the top of the BB who raised. I had AK.I other caller. Donkey 1 has J 10 offsuitBigger Donkey in BB has 67 of spades. When they both called I thought I was up at least against QQ or JJ minimum.Of course 67 of spades turns a straight and triples up. Man, what a donkey. The killer is that he gets rewarded for his donkey play. I don't mind so much when they lose.

[Fubar The Sperm 1]

This one happened a while ago that I just remembered. Still fairly early on in a home game and I'm the SB with JJ. A real Lag on the button, opens up for a rather large bet for almost a quarter of his stack. The bet screamed to me that he had low pockets and was just trying to steal the blinds. I move all in hoping to either take the quarter of his stack he already put in or take all of it. He say's, "I know you have Aces but I have to call." He puts me on a higher pocket pair but still calls off all of his chips even though he could just fold and save the other 3/4's of his stack. He had 1010 by the way.

[Guest XXEddie]

This one happened a while ago that I just remembered. Still fairly early on in a home game and I'm the SB with JJ. A real Lag on the button, opens up for a rather large bet for almost a quarter of his stack. The bet screamed to me that he had low pockets and was just trying to steal the blinds. I move all in hoping to either take the quarter of his stack he already put in or take all of it. He say's, "I know you have Aces but I have to call." He puts me on a higher pocket pair but still calls off all of his chips even though he could just fold and save the other 3/4's of his stack. He had 1010 by the way.

I love donkies like that who justify all their plays win "i have to call" "im pot committed"playing this on dude at 200NL(TheGift4-see signature), I rasie to 8 with AT, he calls, some dude goes allin for 250, I fold, Gift(who still had like 50 in front of him) callsGift has KJallin guy has KKboard is like T9K8Q and gift wins with a str8afterwards"I had to call, I was pot committd, what else could I do?"

[Hyaku-Shiki 0]

Tight player raises pre-flop with AK. Get's called with 9-10 soooted. Fish hits nine on the river for three of a kind. Hilarity ensues.<< Result for Hand 270568637 >>IHAVESUMPAIR wins ($4.85) with (Three of a kind, nines).MTNMISTY:ah, another 5 outterHYAKUSHIKI:you gotta love emIHAVESUMPAIR:and how many out were there?HYAKUSHIKI:there was a nine on the boardHYAKUSHIKI:leaving 2 ninesHYAKUSHIKI:3 10'sHYAKUSHIKI: = 5 outsIHAVESUMPAIR:not talking about mineHYAKUSHIKI:then who?HYAKUSHIKI:MTN had the aceIHAVESUMPAIR:so=tyMTNMISTY:seriously, you're not making senseDELTPC:no cents eitherMTNMISTY:5 outs is what, a 14:1 hand?MTNMISTY:no, a 9:1?HYAKUSHIKI:you were an 81% favorite on the flop according to PokerStoveIHAVESUMPAIR:so i made good then on my pot no?HYAKUSHIKI:noIHAVESUMPAIR:yes i did MTNMISTY:no, you didnt have the correct odds to call at allIHAVESUMPAIR:cause i won HYAKUSHIKI:you won because you're a donkeyMTNMISTY:lolIHAVESUMPAIR:and who's to say you had anything??HYAKUSHIKI:his betting?MTNMISTY:sry, finally found the odds chart, yep 8.40:1 for under prMTNMISTY:so you needed 2 bucks in that pot to call, and it wasnt therIHAVESUMPAIR:i wonder how you would know about thatHYAKUSHIKI:he knows how to play correct poker maybe?

[Municipal Hare 0]

Nothing, while never blinking.

Conclusive proof that Daniel Negreanu is no fish.

[No_Neck 0]

you see this in the chat box bebe459: why in the hell would you raise before flop???

[loxo 0]

you see this in the chat box  bebe459: why in the hell would you raise before flop???

That is funny.

[benhoug 0]

At the B and M yesterday, not a hand I was involved in, but I found it funny just the same. Total donkey flops bottom pair and is betting/raising the whole way. He catches trips on the river and when the other guy called he flipped over his 73 offsuit and said, "Ship it."

[Fubar The Sperm 1]

This wasn't a great fish quote but a funny fish play and comment after. Blins 15-30 and I'm SB with AA. 2 or 3 limpers and a player in late position raise to 90. I rereaise to 300 and a short stack limper calls as does raises. Flop cames JAJ. I check, short stack pushes and after thinking for a few seconds the other guy folds. I call the other guy had 89 and I of course win. After I ask the other guy if he had a high pocket pair. He says no, had QT suited. I smelled a rat and couldn't call on the draw.My thoughts: But you could call preflop with QT to a reraise? Oh and the fish calling with 89 and then pushing the flop was pretty funny too.

[jesseru87 0]

I recently played in a $125 charity tournament. It was only about 18 players, with exactly one knowing the basic rules of No Limit Texas Hold Em, me. I was explaining to everyone that the player under the gun isn't allowed to check, he has to call. I also had to explain the rules of minimum raising, and the other player's argument was "I've been playing texas holdem for over 15 years and I know I can raise an 800 chip bet to 1000 if I want, it's no limit, you can bet whatever you want." With the blinds doubling every 15 minutes (that's right they went 25/50 50/100 100/200 200/400 400/800 800/1600, with starting stacks of 2000)My basic strategy was similar to the OP's, wait for big hands and push hoping to get called by donks. My strat worked perfectly and I made the final 4 with a huge chip lead (3 got paid). Then with the blinds at 400/800, everyone limps to me in the big blind with 78 off. I ckeck and the flop comes 8 8 9. SB checks, I bet 5000, it's folded to the small blind (second biggest stack) who moves all in for about 600 more. I call, he flips 9 2, river 9. I figured something like this would happen, but his comment after was classic..."Well I figured you for the 8, but I thought I could move you off the hand with my all in, and I had outs if you called." He was dead serious too. I ended up losing the very next hand with QQ against K 2. This guy goes "whew, you almost got lucky there." I said "what? you mean you got lucky?" and he goes "no, king high is a better starting hand than pocket queens because if i flop a king there is no way for me to lose."

[Guest XXEddie]

HU SnG10.20 blinds stillIm dealt TT on buttonraise to 80, Villain raises to 140, I move allin he callshe has J9sflop; T8xturn;xriver;QI call him a donkey"what? I was trying to represent AA with my preflop raise, and when you move in, I have to call cause Im playing my hand like I have AA"

[Douglas333 0]

Tournament on stars. Blinds 400-800 UTG goes all in for 7,500. I'm in middle position with about 2,500. I call all-in with JJ hoping its at best a coinflip, button calls (who has roughly 25k). Button shows 99 and UTG show A7 off :shock: Flop comes Ace high and I'm out. Player on the button says "A7 UTG all in???" My only comment was "hee haaww" as I begin to close the table.button replies "total donk"Then to my amazement I see this in the chat box.Ever heard of stealing from out of position? DONK.Right before I exit the table I have to make sure he means what he is saying. I ask him, "So your all-in for 7500 UTG with A-7 was to steal 1200 in blinds?"He replies yes.

[TobyOrNotToBe 0]

I was on FCP yesterday and...........

[ShieldWolf 0]

Playing a home game SNG:Blinds are 400-800 with antes. 4 people are left. Three limp in and I look down at KK. I raise 3K on top. Folds to the button who says "All in." It's about another 3k to call. SB folds. I call.As I call, we notice the person dealing for us is shuffling the deck absentmindedly. Button starts screaming at him. "What the f*ck are you doing d*ckhead???" He apologizes several times. Then comes the question "What do we do now?"Trying to keep cool, I offer to call the hand dead. The two people out of the hand suggest the guy and I chop the pot between us. I agree...but now the other guy is complaining that he still might want to just play it out anyway. I say, "I'll leave it up to you." He sits for a couple minutes trying to decide.People are starting to get irritated now, so in an attempt to end it I offer to show my hand and let him make a decision from that. He agrees. I flip over my KK. He flips over a 6d7h.Now, he CONTINUES to sit undecided, seriously considering letting all his chips ride on this hand. With the offer of splitting a pot of over 15k 50/50, or trying to win the whole thing, knowing what the cards are, he can't make up his mind. The rest of the table begins to laugh at him.After this hand has turned into an almost 5 minute ordeal, he finally agrees to chop the pot, but not without a classic "Let's see what would have happened." KK would have held, and as the pot was split he ends with "I was really feeling it there."

[NOFX_PUNK 0]

when this happenshttp://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...pic.php?t=47252

[EvilGN 0]

during a home game MTT the fish says after losing a hand with JJ how much she hates jacks and that she always loses with them, then goes on about how much better she does with QQ and how thats her favorite hand, I pipe up with "AA is my favorite hand" and she's says she would rather have QQ. I then challenge her to a 6 hand heads up side bet. Where I get the 2 black A's and she gets the 2 Red Q's for a $1 a hand. Her boyfriend yells from the other side of the room "make it $20!" I then ask "20 a hand?" he doesnt answer. 5 minutes later he says $300...again I ask, "a hand?"We finally end up playing 6 hands at a $1 a hand she actually wins 3 of the 6, which sucks for me at proving my point, but I assume it will allow me to run this type of bet again for higher stakes. But we agree to a tie breaker and I say if we play one hand we play 2, so we do and I win the 2 bucks. These two people play in all of our home S&G's and cash games and its fun taking thier money week after week.

[NarSARSsist 0]

Playing a home game SNG:Blinds are 400-800 with antes. 4 people are left. Three limp in and I look down at KK. I raise 3K on top. Folds to the button who says "All in." It's about another 3k to call. SB folds. I call.As I call, we notice the person dealing for us is shuffling the deck absentmindedly. Button starts screaming at him. "What the f*ck are you doing d*ckhead???" He apologizes several times. Then comes the question "What do we do now?"Trying to keep cool, I offer to call the hand dead. The two people out of the hand suggest the guy and I chop the pot between us. I agree...but now the other guy is complaining that he still might want to just play it out anyway. I say, "I'll leave it up to you." He sits for a couple minutes trying to decide.People are starting to get irritated now, so in an attempt to end it I offer to show my hand and let him make a decision from that. He agrees. I flip over my KK. He flips over a 6d7h.Now, he CONTINUES to sit undecided, seriously considering letting all his chips ride on this hand. With the offer of splitting a pot of over 15k 50/50, or trying to win the whole thing, knowing what the cards are, he can't make up his mind. The rest of the table begins to laugh at him.After this hand has turned into an almost 5 minute ordeal, he finally agrees to chop the pot, but not without a classic "Let's see what would have happened." KK would have held, and as the pot was split he ends with "I was really feeling it there."

Just out of curiousity, why does it matter that the deck is shuffled? The odds of any given card hitting the flop is still the same, or do you guys rig your games? :-)