you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[Kid DynOmite 0]

Hey, Mike Matusow once threw his computer out of his window after taking a bad beat in online poker. Man, do you know what i would give for a computer that had a screen portal into others houses. I probably would have strangled 3 people tonight alone. None of the beats i took are all that interesting... just the classic fish calls an all in raise with an ace high and then river the ace story. Lousy top pair.

[DCWildcat 0]

I've had a few good ones on here now, but this one takes the cake. Playing Omaha H/L...after going onto a tirade about how internet poker is rigged because he got quartered ("how can u win 3/4 of a pot its not possible"), the following comes up:Board: 7:spade: 8:spade: 9:spade: 9:diamond: Q:heart:Player 1: 9:heart:9:club: xx2: 8:club: 8:diamond: xx3: A:spade: Q:spade: xx4: T:spade: 2:spade: xxFish: 5:diamond:6:diamond: xx"QUADS? Figures. That proves this game was rigged. Flop a straight and STILL lose. ****ing bad beats."

[AspiringPro 0]

You know your playing a fsh when you are playing 3-6 NL and the guy calls ur 600$ allin with 66 and wins and says I ave never folded 66 preflop in my life so I can't now.

[KingAustin 0]

You know you're playing a fish when you're in a $2 tournament on party dicking around just trying to do something besides sleep and you go all in with 82o and type in the chat "I really have nothing, if you have a hand at all, call me" so it's folded around to the small blind who barely has me covered and he calls with 46s :shock:

[hexag1 0]

we should publish a collection of this stuff 2+2 style.we'll call it "Deuce on the River"

[KingAustin 0]

we should publish a collection of this stuff 2+2 style.we'll call it "Deuce on the River"

That would be awesome. Then if a fish picks up the book he will be like "what are they laughing about? I dont get it"

[DCWildcat 0]

You know you're playing a fish when you're in a $2 tournament on party dicking around just trying to do something besides sleep and you go all in with 82o and type in the chat  "I really have nothing, if you have a hand at all, call me" so it's folded around to the small blind who barely has me covered and he calls with 46s  :shock:      

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[ldudeus 0]

No but seriosulythat "Deuce on the river" idea is awesomethat could be made into a very entertaining and enjoyable read

[AspiringPro 0]

no1 wud buy it

[Guest XXEddie]

had AA UTG, with only 8xBB I pushed in, folded to big blind who calls with J3, Aces held"sucks when you take a beat you cant avoid""that was avoidable, you coulda easily folded""and let you win the blind uncontested, I dont think so, you have to be stupid to do that"

[LewFather 0]

I've seen this one a lot... (Player 1 takes a bad beat) Player1: Can I ask you about your calls on the turn and river?Player2: Ok "Hellmuth, Doyle, Johnny."

[AceyDeucy 0]

1-2 NLI have KQ on a K-6-3 rainbow. I bet out, get reaised, and reraise. The guy sits in the tank for five, six, seven, eight minutes, eventually I finally call the clock on him and he immediately calls. I figure if can call my bet and reraise I am in trouble so I am done with the hand. We check it down and he slow-rolls K6o for flopped top two. I asked him why it took him so long to call with top two (especially since he did not get any more value out of the hand). "I was trying to decide if you had K3 or a set. I figured if you put me all-in on the turn you would have a set."And this had WHAT to do with taking a long time to call the flop?

[Kid DynOmite 0]

Check this out. Exhibit A and B are probably better than this, but this ranks close to the top. I've got QQ in the BB and it folds around to the button who calls. I raise to 16 in a 2/4 game. He calls. Flop comes AA2. I bet 20 on the flop and get called after the button sits in "agony" for like 3 minutes. The turn is a queen. I throw in my last $80 and get called. This douche bag turns over A 3 and says, "haha I knew you had queens." I just kinda stare at my comp screen in confusion. The river was a 10 and when the chips were pushed to me the guy freaked out. Apparently he missed the fact that I had a boat. It took me like 5 minutes to explain to him why he had lost the pot. Un censored believable.

[dmoneypoker 0]

i flopped top set in a 1/2 NL game at the trop, the guy calls my $25 raise on the flop and $30 on the turn, so i bet $75 on the river. he calls, turns over flopped top pair (the flop was 8 3 5 rainbow, he had A8, i had 88) and says... "it takes more than that to bluff me... time to pay the piper!" as i rake the pot. i have NO idea what he meant, but 25 min later he paid off my nut straight when i had KJ not suited! Then a bit later he made it $10 to go from UTG, everyone folds to me on the button, i call with T8 suited, the BB calls as well. the flop comes 10 8 4, the BB bets $20, the piper raises it to $50, i call, the BB re-raises all in, piper calls, i call, they BOTH turn over AA and the board bricks out. After the hand piper says, "I knew you called me with rags"... Risky way to play the hand but i was up a buttload for the weekend... man that was fun.Finally i get AA and he calls my raise from the SB, the flop comes 9-10-x, he checks, i bet, he raises, i fold the AA face up, he turns up 10-9, and was like, "nice laydown, i was trying to get back at ya."

[the red bull 0]

One time i was with a few of my friends and we were talking about the players in our home game. I asked the fish what he thought of someone in the game,to which he replied "I don't think he's good. He raises to often."

[fopkins 0]

Home game favorite:"God, I hate it when you raise before the flop!"-fop

[DCWildcat 0]

Daniel needs to add a story to this

[maxstud 0]

I'm clearly the best player here. :shock:

[LuckyMcCatcher 0]

steve crushed live 1-2 nl for 1k, what's next??!?!?

[Abbaddabba 0]

1-2 NLI have KQ on a K-6-3 rainbow. I bet out, get reaised, and reraise. The guy sits in the tank for five, six, seven, eight minutes, eventually I finally call the clock on him and he immediately calls. I figure if can call my bet and reraise I am in trouble so I am done with the hand. We check it down and he slow-rolls K6o for flopped top two. I asked him why it took him so long to call with top two (especially since he did not get any more value out of the hand)."I was trying to decide if you had K3 or a set. I figured if you put me all-in on the turn you would have a set."And this had WHAT to do with taking a long time to call the flop?

Who's supposed to be the "fish" in this story?

[kennyg1966 0]

when he starts a thread that says "you know you're playing a fish when he says..."

[MotherFlusher 0]

After betting out on the flop with bottom pair, I raised this fish, and then he called. Then he continued betting, and i continuted calling. He ended up hitting his 2nd card on the turn for two pair...thus defeating my pocket jacks. After i asked his reasoning for the call on the flop, he said something along the lines of"well, i use the same strategies as gus hansen and daniel negreanu, considering i used to play with daniel after school."

[Guest XXEddie]

this was goodTwo players in a pot board showed KJ28(two spades)bout 1200 in the pot, Player one goes allin for about 1200, Fish calls with 34 of spades, player one has KKriver 6 of spadesFish "Sorry man, but I had the odds to call"Me "Except, you didnt"Fish "How do you figure"Me "you were only getting 2-1 to call, the odds of hitting the flush are 4-1"Fish "Excatly! I had the odds"It got funnier because later on I had KK on an KOJQ board with two heartsI move in he called me with had 89 of hearts"did you have odds on the one""yeah, I win if the river is the 10 of hearts"good times

[flyingmachine 0]

NL $100 (party), I raise on the button with :diamondsk: :diamondsj: to $5 when 3 limpers in front, all fold except this 45% vpip guy. Flop comes :clubsk: :heartsj: :clubs5: He checks, I bet $8, he calls.Turn :spades6:He checks, I bet $20, he calls.River :clubs10:He checks, I check.He flips over :clubs2: :clubs3: for the flush.Now, I say, "awesome, sweet check on the end"He says, "Well, I was afraid that you hit a flush" haha

[pokerglory 0]

.5/1 limit table on Party (where all the fish are). I wasn't even in the hand.A player on the button limps into a multiway pot. BB raises and everyone calls.Ends up the button rivered a straight. BB starts berating him about playing "6 and 5" on a raise.I usually have my chat turned off, but I couldn't resist. I jump in and say "were they suited?"He responds "doesn't matter - it's not good poker".I respond "um - you know there's an entire section in Doyle's book about playing the little connectors".He doesn't type anything for the rest of the time he's there.