you know you're playing a fish when he says...

[PatrickBateman 0]

In a home game this has happened twice......There's 4 to a straight or a flush on the board and they'll turn over something they paired and totally ignore everything else and say"All I have is a pair"and then it pains me to point it out they made a flush and their reply is"Oh man, I didn't even see that"

[bascomeb 0]

"I was pot committed" -after they catch a lucky riverWhen they weren't at all

[All_In 0]

SNG tourny 10 players in NLHE, I'm playing tight aggressive. It's down to 4 players left and one guy says to me: I see why you're still here, anyone can win when they only play with good cards. You couldn't beat me if you played the hands I play....

hahahaha....i had someone say something similar before. after pounding on him all night, i get a run of bad cards...at some pt he says, 'u never play any hands!', and says this quite agressively, as if pointing out that i am playing scared.i just tell him i wouldn't berate my play, i have 3 times the chips u do.just sits there frowning in silence. exactly where i want him.bust him on his bluff (he had absolutely nothing). when they get mad at u, it's easy to take their money.

[Balloon guy 158]

We had a guest to our weekly cigar game who bragged about all the tournaments he wins, how much he makes at Commerce etc. Total fish, but this is a $20 freeze out starting with 60 chips each 1/2 blinds doubled every half hour. He's out third first tournament, and first on second tournament. House rule first out deals for rest of tournament and gets $20 tip from winner.This is his Fish quote:We should burn a card.( we don't burn cards because we're friends and two of the old guys get confused when they deal )I tell him we don't need to because none of us are reading cards so it's not necessary.He tells me that the reason you burn a card is to get 'deeper' into the deck, which makes it more random.I just stared at him and tipped him $10 at the end of the tournament.

[Balloon guy 158]

From my morning session today:5-10 limit, ten-handed. This guy has been playing most hands and bossing the table around in general. He's on the big blind when i raise in middle position with AJ. Everyone folds and he re-raises me.Flop comes rainbow rags and he bets into me. I call, figuring he probably has nothing but ace high or at worst a small pair.Turn comes queen and he bets again. I hesitate but decide to see him out. He's been betting anything. The river is another blank and he bets again. I call and he shows A8 offsuit. I rake in the pot, slightly surprised This calldown with nothing but AJ is pretty stupid, of course, but i felt like taking a stand against this guy. I'm not claiming to have looked into his soul and seen a bluff.The funny point is his comment afterwards. He writes "U stupid xxxx, that's what you get for raising my big blind seven times in a row".Thank you...

Last night tournament we had a guy over betting after every flop, buying pots, So when I raise with AK spades and he calls, I know he'll bet for me. Flop Q 7 7 two diamondsI check, he bets half the pot. I have him covered and I can't put him on a 7. So I call with 2 overcards.Turn 2 clubs and I check.He thinks and says: " You can't have a seven......check"Now I put him on a flush.river 5 spade and I check.He bets half the pot real fast.I think and call.He shows jack 9 diamondI win ace high.He begins telling me how bad of a call that was, I should have folded the flop etc. etc. Everyone tells him that he's been buying pots and got caught. Break time after next hand and he's still steaming, pointing at me and whining to his friends.I tell him sorry, I usually fold when I have nothing.He was out 20 minutes later, buying a pot against a full house.You can lead a horse to water.....

[FloppyNuts 0]

They call all-in because of "implied odds."

[Guest]

Literally just had this said to me at a Party 2/4 table after my flopped set got rivered by A10 that hit a straight"sorry if i rivered u, but i had to go for that small royal flush out lol"Zara

[Guest XXEddie]

sb completed i check with Q6 heartsflop KK7 two hearts he checks I bet 500(pot of 600)he raises to 1000 i callturn A of heartshe bets 300(BB) i callriver x he bets 300 i callhe has 95 and continues to berate me how my weak raises shouldnt made me foldabout 10 min leter he "weak raised" him self outta the tournament

[Guest XXEddie]

i went all in with KK preflop AJ called, turn was an Ahe says "cant bluff me"

[Guest XXEddie]

"what if the first hand of the WSOP you were dealt AA in the BB and everybody went allin, would you call?"

[kaisersoze12 0]

"I only play low cards because there are more of those in the deck..." This was an old lady who plays all the time...

[Guest XXEddie]

BUMP

[budica 0]

I was playing a 1-2 no limit game when the following rookie comes to the table and sits down with all white $1 chips (less than 100):  He plays pretty tight till finally he raises the 2 dollar blind to 5 dollars (NO-LIMIT!!!) a couple players get in, flop comes out 37Q, he bets out 10 dollars, one guy calls. next card is a blank, bets 10 again and the guy calls. last card is a king and he bets 1/2 of the rest of his chips (which were less than 100 to begin with and the other guy raises all in and the rookie folds. I asked him what he had to bet it down and then fold, he said a pair of three's...i asked in the hole or with the board and he let the dealer turn up his two threes in the hole which made trips to the other guy's kq which he showed. We all asked so why did you fold...."because he went all in."  If only it were that easy all the time.

Where do you guys find these people? Either I have the worst table selection on the planet or something else is afoot....I mean I see a few maniacs from time to time but they dont defend their play with hilarious comments....ah well

If you can't find the fish, you are the fish. LOL, sorry, just had to.

[21gambit 0]

i went all in with KK preflop AJ called, turn was an Ahe says "cant bluff me"

Thats a good read

[Guest XXEddie]

playing SnG with 4 people lefthad A2o in BB I checked, family potKQ3 all spades(had A of spades)turn river both blanks it was checked on all three streets andSB turned over KQMe-Why didnt you betFish-Thought someone drew a flushMe-I flopped a flush drawFish-No.....if you made a flush you drew a flush you didnt draw a flushMe....I had a flush draw meaning I only had to draew one more spade to make that flushFish-Silly Fish.....sad thing is, the oter 2 people there agreed with themSame Fish got heads up with me I flopped a flush he went allin and doubled me up I sayFish-Now you drew a flushMe-Now I will take the rest of your chips....he didnt find it as funny as I did

[KTW 0]

"what if the first hand of the WSOP you were dealt AA in the BB and everybody went allin, would you call?"

Instantly, but worried.

[Stiles2004 0]

My personal favourite lines...When he calls your KK... "I figured the ace would hit"Or of course after you take the bad beat... "I thought you were bluffing"

[AceOfSpaiDs 0]

there is this kid we play with all the time, and he just goes on and on about how he is a winning player and yada, yada, yada....needless to say, he is constantly hitting up the ATM when he plays with us. Here are some things from him alone that just blow my mind. He gets big stacked (how, we don't know, but he does) and will go all-in preflop with any suited hand, (just like 3 wks ago he knocked me out when I had AK of clubs preflop and finally got sick of him and called his all in, he flips over 3-7hearts and I get 2 pair on the flop but both are hearts, and he hits his flush on the river)...right away, he's like "I put you on a big hand." (Cuz I raised and he reraised all-in)....WTF, how hard is it to fold 3-7suited. Anyways, here's some others from this kid:"You can't bluff at all in Omaha, someone always has at least something." - This is total garbage, anyone who truly believes this is a fish, yes, your opponent may have something, but he might still lay it down and give you the pot"I called the all-in with ATos cuz I thought I had the best hand..." (he was up against KK & AQ, both opponents are very OBVIOUS tight players I might add, that hardly raise preflop, very easy for anyone to notice this...I folded JJ)this isnt really a quote, but it seems like every times he wins or loses and the hands are shown, he knows exactly what we have, "I put you on that Ace, or I put you on Kings"....BULLSH!T buddy, my response is always the same, "then why the fäck did u call with that", "Cuz just in case ur were bluffing"....lol, whatever dude, you cant put someone on a hand, and then maybe think they're bluffing, either you're sure or u dont...its funny cuz when I muck my hands and ask him what I had, he's NEVER rightanother non-quote, but he instantly goes all-in with Pocket 2's, cuz "its a lucky hand for me"....lol, this is true for any fish who always goes all-in with their "lucky hand"...every 1 has a favorite hand, doesnt always mean u have to move in with itanyone is a fish IMO who doesnt know what pot odds, pot commitment, or raising in the dark (maybe not raising in the dark, but definitely the other 2) is.....this kid has no idea what pot odds is (and Im not gonna tell him, he's to easy to make a profit off of) and pot commitment (we'll be playing blinds of 300/600 (5,000 starting), he'll have like 1200 left, of course this is later in the tourny, and he'll easily fold if his hand is junk in the BB, he're, no matter what I have (most players will agree with me), I'm going in no matter what my 2 cards are....and once I raised in the dark and he told me I couldn't do it...and then I explained to him it was perfectly legal and he says "Oh, I seen that on ESPN, now I remember, nevermind", but my bet scared him away and he folded (the best hand I might add)Says playing online isnt real poker....lol, its cards, its chips, its people, its poker....sorry, online poker isnt rigged, u see the same bad beats in real life, just more hands per hour onlineNever folds pocket pairs Js or higher, most times he's right not too, but even the most obvious, like KK when an A hits on the flop, if someone bets strong, he'll still call, knowing he only has 2 outs, but "I can't fold high pocket pairs, I rarely get em"...I kinda understand here, I too sometimes feel attached to the higher pairs, but I know when I'm beat, and over time it gets a lot easier to lay em down, but KK with an A on the flop and someone is betting strong, you gotta lay it down, no matter how "pretty" your hand is, or he'll CALL all-in on the river with QQ when there is an open-ended 4 straight on the board like : 8-5-6-7-X. To me, anyone who goes all-in here better have a flush or straight, cuz a high pair is definitely not goodLast, but not least, he thinks Chris Moneymaker is good...LMAO...I'm sorry to anyone who likes Moneymaker, but Moneymaker hit cards that entire World Series and I didn't even like how he played at all, and hasn't shown me anything since....especially the Poker SuperStars II, he has done nothing...I think he got some Aruba or Tunica tournament like 2nd or 3rd (don't really know), but in my eyes, he's not that strong of a player, definitely no Phil Ivey, Daniel Negreanu, or any other pro.....anyways, this kid thinks Moneymaker is god, and reads all his strategies online...was "suckout as much as possible" on his strategy list?Just thought I'd share some of this huge fish that we play with (on top of it the kid is a huge dumb@ss and has no idea that none of us really like him)Peace

[Fourhead 0]

i went all in with KK preflop AJ called, turn was an Ahe says "cant bluff me"

This one was the best!

[oreogod 0]

...when he starts talking about some other fish he was playing at the .05/.10 level...

[Fourhead 0]

Here's a generic one, i'm sure it's happened to you:You get in an argument at one of the low limit tables with someone and the conversation is full of xxxx and xxxxx words.To get the final word, the fish always says "Wanna play me heads-up for 20 grand?".This one always cracks me up. It reminds me of four-year-olds arguing who's got the strongest daddy. Sometimes i even wish i was good enough playing heads up so i could accept the invitation.

[KidKanuck 0]

My mother's a trout.

[gerund 0]

Playing one night online on $100NL table, fairly tight table, no obvious fish and one of them starts asking everyone where they were from. I will call him ApronStrings. He asked me the question.[ApronStrings] Where are you from Gerund?[Gerund] Didn't your mother tell you?[Rest of table] LOL[ApronStrings] Right! You mentioned my mother. You and me, all in next hand.I look at my cards (AA) and go all in for $100. Everyone folds.[ApronStrings] Why did you do that Gerund?[Gerund] You told me to.[ApronStrings] OK! Next hand all in again.I look at my cards (KK) and go all in for $102 (hey I won the blinds last hand), everyone except ApronStrings folds. He has 74o. I'm surprised when the PP holds (not). [ApronStrings] Again?I look at my cards (64o) and fold.[Gerund] That's enough for now.There is a deep silence from the rest of the table that just goes on and on. I take my winnings and go play a tourney.Gerund

[kaisersoze12 0]

there is this kid we play with all the time, and he just goes on and on about how he is a winning player and yada, yada, yada....needless to say, he is constantly hitting up the ATM when he plays with us. .................Just thought I'd share some of this huge fish that we play with (on top of it the kid is a huge dumb@ss and has no idea that none of us really like him)Peace

Can I play? I live in Illinois and would happily drive up.....

[loxo 0]

SNG tourny 10 players in NLHE, I'm playing tight aggressive. It's down to 4 players left and one guy says to me: I see why you're still here, anyone can win when they only play with good cards. You couldn't beat me if you played the hands I play....

Now that is a funny one!!