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qyayqi

Offtopical Story Telling

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Now you're just trying too hard.
It's The Brothers Karamazov, with more cows and less drinking

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I was in St Petersburg and at the Yusupov Palace we saw the place Rasputin was killed.They had a really corny room set up with a wax figure of old Grigory at the bottom of a claustrophobic decent through a smaller than normal stairway.The dust covered display was made with half measured effort and obviously lacked in any care to the historical accuracy to the story of Rasputin, because they didn't even mention the cows.

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2snap.jpg2 snaps up, z formation!

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Not that it matters to any reasonable human being, but it's three snaps. The best you could do with two snaps would be an L formation. Although maybe a V formation would be preferable depending on the circumstances.

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how can that be the ending? what kind of ending is that? what happened to the cow with the wet horns?

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geez q, that ending sucks. why don't you make is so that the cow with the wet horns goes home, shoots his father, and runs away, and joins the texas rangers! how about that?

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Rasputin saved Lisa's life.funny-pictures-cats-life-is-being-saved.jpgEd & Ted escorted Lisa from the cafe.funny-pictures-cats-would-snap-if-they-had-thumbs.jpgOne cow appeared in the town.funny-pictures-village.jpgfunny-pictures-kitten-and-puppy-watch-a-scary-movie-together.jpgThen more.funny-pictures-basement-cat-has-many-horsemen.jpgA shadowy figure came to the rescue!funny-pictures-fish-hope-a-shadow-is-batman.jpgHe gave good advice:funny-pictures-cat-says-you-should-save-yourself.jpgRasputin saved all but himself.funny-pictures-cat-has-murdered-a-toy.jpg

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Bravo Q :club:

Not that it matters to any reasonable human being, but it's three snaps. The best you could do with two snaps would be an L formation. Although maybe a V formation would be preferable depending on the circumstances.
Yeah, and technically "Wu Tang Clain ain't nuthin' ta **** wit" would translate into "The Wu Tang Clan, is indeed something to be ****ed with"....

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I Handed This in for an English Creative Writing assignment. My teacher said she liked my use of language to create a clear image in the reader's head and in itself the work is very good but she felt that it was not suitable for the achievement standard in questiong as it was to..."explicit". She also felt that it was a bit to short. But anyways I thought it was good and when I saw this topic I decided to post it here so that it wouldn't waddle away on my hardrive.Enjoy:The IntercomWhen I looked into her deep blue eyes I felt as if I was drowning in the endless glistening blue of the Pacific, only her eyes were bluer and so much more beautiful. I had experienced infatuation at many points in my life leading up to meeting her but never to the point at which I felt like a never ending envelope of comfort and butterflies swallowed me into an endless abyss of sexual attraction. Being in her presence was intoxicating, like swallowing an endless supply of ecstasy and washing it down with a glass of peach flavoured water each and every time, in a never ending cycle of orgasmic yearning. Every time I looked at her I felt as if I was drowning in a sea of marshmallows and pillows. Her hair, so blonde and so long, ran down her back and waved like the most expensive silk in the world. She smelt like a purple rose. Her body curved perfectly no matter what angle you observed it from and her beautifully soft skin almost mocked anybody who gave it attention to the point of tears. Everything about her was essentially perfect. The universe was cruel, oh so cruel to me. I was quietly sitting at my table doing my work half way through English on the last period of the week when suddenly she leaned over and whispered into my ear, “Michael, wana fck?” Her warm breath caressed my neck as my stomach won its first gold medal at the Paralympics. “W-what?”, was the only word that came to my head, instead of, “YES! OH GOD YES!” or a simple, “Why yes Rachel, a fck would be very pleasurable in my humble opinion. How do you feel about performing felatio?” She replied to what I really said, “I said did Juana fck Alex? At the party last weekend? I keep hearing all these rumours and you were there…so did she?”“Oh Jesus...”, figures… “Uh yeah I was pretty wasted Rachel, I donno, probably. She was grinding him pretty hard when I last saw them together but I can not confirm defiantly. But most probably, as a poker player I’d say there is about a 73% chance that they had intercourse…”“So Juana fcked?” she persisted. “You obviously don’t play poker. But you should stop saying that in my opinion..” I laughed.“Why?” she asked with a smile that hinted innocence but screamed sex.“Cause it sounds like you’re saying something else…”“Like what? Like im asking you to fck me?…” her eyes resembled that of a female cat ready to pounce on a humble grey pigeon. Images of her bent over my kitchen table began flashing through my sick mind.“Hehe yeah kinda…” I mumbled, looking away. She leant over towards me and rested her soft lips on the most delicate part of neck, slow running them towards my ear where she whispered, “Well what if I was?...would you?...” I felt her hand run up my inner thigh and she began nibbling ever so gently on my earlobe…“Uh…I…” was completely shocked. I looked over at Mr. Hand who was quietly sitting at his table reading the latest edition of To Kill a Mockingbird, “Oh shit..” I mumbled. “What’s wrong Michael?...Am I turning you on?...” she whispered with the slightest exhale of a giggle as her hand brushed over my sensitivity. We started kissing… Suddenly the intercom that rested above Mr. Hands desk beeped on and bellowed, “MICHAEL!!! BREAKFAST IS READY!!”

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But anyways I thought it was good and when I saw this topic I decided to post it here so that it wouldn't waddle away on my hardrive.
inigo.jpg

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as if I was drowning in the endless glistening blue of the Pacificlike a never ending envelope of comfort and butterflies swallowed me intolike swallowing an endless supply of ecstasy and washing it down with a glass of peach flavoured wateras if I was drowning in a sea of marshmallows and pillowslike the most expensive silk in the world
Maybe ease up on the similes a little.Similes? Is that right? Whatever it is you were doing up there over and over again. Like a 12 year old boy who just discovered porn. Or a midget who is too proud to admit that he needs a step stool, but really wants that plate of cookies on the counter.Ok, maybe not like that at all, but my point still stands.Like a 60 year old man with scoliosis.

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Maybe ease up on the similes a little.Similes? Is that right? Whatever it is you were doing up there over and over again. Like a 12 year old boy who just discovered porn. Or a midget who is too proud to admit that he needs a step stool, but really wants that plate of cookies on the counter.Ok, maybe not like that at all, but my point still stands.Like a 60 year old man with scoliosis.
His post was excited, short and crooked?

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