This Is Addictive

[Thriceknurd 0]

This

[brvheart 1,752]

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakesbutter all in your crack. Mmmm.Sarah19fca: you like that?Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.Sarah19fca: Peanuts?Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. Ithrow rocks at the cats.Sarah19fca: This is stupid.Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.Sarah19fca: /ignoreBloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.---------------Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?DirtyKate: OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)DirtyKate: Who are you?Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lotBloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in myGeo Storm.DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's andmake an orderDirtyKate: Haha! OKDirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just drippingwith sauce.Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's,how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?DirtyKate: Umm...YesDirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm homealone... and I think I'll take a shower...Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and thenI'll drive to your house.**pause**DirtyKate: I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though**pause**DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.Bloodninja: How did you know?Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower.So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizzaovenDirtyKate: Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet andcold. Warm me up babyBloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzipmy pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan inecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce isdeliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave thebathroom, I exit through the front door....DirtyKate: What the ****?DirtyKate: You perverted piece of shitDirtyKate: ****---------------------------Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?BritneySpears14: Aight.Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.Bloodninja: Me too baby.BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.Bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautifulwoman.BritneySpears14: Hey...Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Penis ofthe Infinite.BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of theBeyondness.BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This isridiculous.Bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of thelands.Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your bodyexplodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shieldinflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik'sevil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.Bloodninja: Baby?----------------------------------Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?Bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.Bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out.Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.(pause)MommyMelissa: is that it?Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVINGvegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?(pause)Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach...Sexily.Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking morealong the lines of carrots and zucchinis.Bloodninja: my zucchinis caress your carrots.Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.MommyMelissa: ...Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insidesturn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.MommyMelissa: What the **** is this madlibs? I'm outta here.Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over yourolives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.MommyMelissa: whatever.-----------------------BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage yourmuscular physique.eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.eminemBNJA: Oh shitBritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna reportyour ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.eminemBNJA: Oh shiteminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or somethingWellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and highheels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurementsare 36-24-36. What do you look like?Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on apair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing aT-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...itsmells funny.Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?Wellhung: OKSweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on thestereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up intoyour eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch andbegins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slidesoff my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips ahole in your blouse.I'm sorry.Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.Wellhung: I'll pay for it.Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My softbreasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck.Do you have any scissors?Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching backundoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses mybreasts. My nipples are erect for you.Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel yourtongue all over me.Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,breasts. They're neat!Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibblingyour ear.Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.Sweetheart: What?Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains ofmy blouse.Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.Sweetheart: What's the matter?Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.Sweetheart: Are you OK?Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.Sweetheart: Can I help?Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumblingthrough the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet.And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.Where's the bedroom?Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.Wellhung: I found it.Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.Wellhung: Me too.Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our nakedbodies pressing each other.Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place theglasses on the night table.Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the roomand toward the bathroom.Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around forthe toilet. I lift the lid.Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, butI can't find it. Uh-oh!Sweetheart: What's the matter now?Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorryagain. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...inyour...you know...woman's thing.Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss yourneck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't standit another second! Slide in! Screw me now!Wellhung: I'm flaccid.Sweetheart: What?Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner allfloppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on myunderwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,picture frames and your candles.Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One ofour candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointingat it, a shocked look on my face.Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!========================================I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do youlook like?I.F.: a Kodiac bearSexyKarla17: ?I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount meSexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top ofyou stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way downyour stomachI.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are nearSexyKarla17: huh?I.F.: Bears get ****ing pumped when anyone is near their cubsSexkarla17: yeah hehe dont be silly..SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, whiletaking off your pants.I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey nowSexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honeyall over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off meslowlyI.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey iscoming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards youI.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite youSexyKarla17: Yeah that feels good..oooooh...not too hard nowI.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up intoyour eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixedwith honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play withyou like a ragdoll.SexyKarla17: what the ****?I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and I’m spent.=====================================I.F.: My shit is hard you ready to jump aboard?1hOttYeVe: oh yeah im so wet right nowI.F.: Why you just shower?1hOttYeVe: no im wet for youI.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or thatgator shit you would dive and slide down, there was that badass poolat the end of it.1hOttYeVe: What the **** are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?I.F.: I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you sayyour wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...I.F.: Im sorry lets continue!1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing yourneck and chestI.F.: I pop like 16 boners1hOttYeVe: what the ****!I.F.: what?=============================Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know,rollin with tha homies and shit.Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.Partner6: It likes that.J-Dogg: aight.Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...Partner6: WTF?!J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only **** women...J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the gunsI have, I'm unarmed!Partner6: You dipshit.J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.======================================J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.Partner8: Who the **** are you?J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:J-Dogg: **** me, **** me.J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment tolast forever.Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. IKiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that formsin your thigh.Partner8: Is that like cancer?J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have thetechnology of chemotherapy.Partner8: Good one romeo.J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must be takingover your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak toyou is like a beautiful japanese haiku.The salmon swim at night.Towards your room.The snow and the moon.Partner8: that was never a haiku.J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex.Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"J-Dogg: So you ready to **** then?Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of myunderwear, and your spent.J-Dogg: ...Partner8: ?J-Dogg: and I'm spent.==========================Jdogg:HeyQT-Pie:HeyJdogg:whats goin onQT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?QT-Pie:what does that mean?Jdogg:what are you wearing?QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.Jdogg:Garter belt?QT-Pie:Ummm...no.Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?QT-Pie: uh, okay.Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.QT-Pie: WHAT?!Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passionfills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.QT-Pie: A stripe?Jdogg: I need a sandwich.QT-Pie: You're a freak.Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.---------------------------Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keepit ready for you.j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are inmy breeding territory.j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of thegame.Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge yourass.j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about tocharge your ass.Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinnedfeet.j_gurli3: thats it.Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like somephallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.Bloodninja: **** am I hard now.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------sweet17: Hibloodninja: hellobloodninja: who is this?sweet17: just a someone?bloodninja: A someone I know?sweet17: nopebloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?sweet17: well sorrrrrrysweet17: I just wanted to chat with youbloodninja: why?sweet17: nevermind your an jerkbloodninja: Hey wait a minutesweet17: yes?bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoidsweet17: paranoid?bloodninja: yessweet17: of what?sweet17: me?bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.sweet17: LOLbloodninja: Don't ****ing laugh at me!bloodninja: This shit is serious!sweet17: What are you hiding from?bloodninja: The cops.sweet17: gimme a ****ing breakbloodninja: I'm serious.sweet17: I don't get itbloodninja: The cops are after me.sweet17: For what?bloodninja: I'm wanted in three statessweet17: For???bloodninja: It's kind of embarrasing.bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.bloodninja: Hello?sweet17: You are ****ing sick.bloodninja: Send me your picture.sweet17: why?bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.sweet17: One of what?bloodninja: The cops.sweet17: I'm not a cop i told youbloodninja: Then send me your picture.sweet17: hold onbloodninja: Hurry up.bloodninja: Are you there?bloodninja: **** you, cop!sweet17: Hey sorrysweet17: I had to do something for my mom.bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.bloodninja: Weren't you!?sweet17: thats not itbloodninja: Then what?sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not prettybloodninja: Most cops aren'tsweet17: IM NOT A ****ING COP YOU DICKHEAD!bloodninja: Then send me the picture.sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?bloodninja: Just send it through here.sweet17: alright *PIC*sweet17: Did you get it?bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.sweet17: That was me back in maysweet17: I've lost weight since then.bloodninja: I hope sosweet17: what?!?sweet17: that hurt my feelings.bloodninja: Did it?sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?sweet17: yesbloodninja: Alright let me find it.sweet17: kksbloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*sweet17: this isn't you.bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!sweet17: You don't look like that.bloodninja: How the hell do you know?sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lolbloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.sweet17: Go **** yourselfbloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picturebloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.sweet17: you hurt me.bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!bloodninja: Why would I do that?sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after youbloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..sweet17: **** YOU!!!bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.sweet17: You're a ****ING *******!sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weightsweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know mebloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.sweet17: No you aren'tbloodninja: You're right. I'm not.bloodninja: HAARRRRR!sweet17: I'm done with youbloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.sweet17: I'm putting you on ignorebloodninja: Wait a secbloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.bloodninja: Wanna start over?sweet17: Nobloodninja: I'll eat your kittysweet17: You'll what?bloodninja: You heard me.bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing mypicturebloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yesbloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.sweet17: Like what?bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?sweet17: I don't knowbloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.sweet17: I'm afraid tobloodninja: Why?sweet17: causebloodninja: cause why?sweet17: well lets seesweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then youwanna eat me outsweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?bloodninja: Nopesweet17: well its strange to mebloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me tosweet17: I didn't say thatbloodninja: So is that a yes?sweet17: I guess so.bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.bloodninja: Are you willing?sweet17: What do you need me to do?bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.sweet17: ???bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"bloodninja: ok?bloodninja: Hello?sweet17: You can't be seriousbloodninja: Oh yes I am!bloodninja: It's my fantasy.sweet17: this is retardedbloodninja: Do you want it or not?sweet17: Yes I want it.bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?sweet17: surebloodninja: Ok. Here we go.bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and begin to massage yourthighs.bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tongue brushing upagainst thembloodninja: I softly begin to tongue your wet kitty.bloodninja: I run my tongue up and down your smooth slit.sweet17: mmmm yeahbloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.sweet17: Harbloodninja: You gotta do better than that!bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRbloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist withevery stroke.bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of mymouth.bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way tomy nose.bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.sweet17: mmmmmm you are goodbloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harderbloodninja: going limpsweet17: HARRRRRRRbloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.bloodninja: going limpsweet17: this is stupidbloodninja: ...still limpbloodninja: Do it!sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRRbloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.sweet17: WTF?!?!?bloodninja: They stink really bad.sweet17: OMG STOP!!!bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly assbloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.sweet17: YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!bloodninja: Then I pour hot caramel over your head.bloodninja: And turn you into a ****ing candy apple...bloodninja: I kick you in the face!sweet17: **** YOU *******!!bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of thecabin...bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.bloodninja: ...going limp again.bloodninja: Hello?bloodninja: Say it!bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

[Thriceknurd 0]

Stranger: hiYou: HeyYou: I have this problem...Stranger: asl?You: I need your advice.You: I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it ...You: What is your solution?Stranger: asl?You: You will be rewarded with that information as soon as I receive your help.Stranger: Picketing?Stranger: Make a signStranger: wave itYou: That is picketing.You: I am against it.

[DMBroller 0]

Well the link was broken, but thanks be to the Almighty of Your Choosing that brv posted the bloodninja stuff. Rhinos don't play games.

[Thriceknurd 0]

Well the link was broken, but thanks be to the Almighty of Your Choosing that brv posted the bloodninja stuff. Rhinos don't play games.

Link has been fixed.Bloodninja stuff was golden!

[wsox8 10]

brvheart, very nice work. Couldn't stop laughing

[hblask 1]

OK, I thought I'd try this.... I'm not as creative at this as some of those posts above, but here's my first attempt:EDIT: format fixed---------------------Stranger: hiStranger: You: hiStranger: my names alper wats ursYou: tomStranger: LOL DICKHEAD WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYou: FUNNY!Stranger: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYou: NO WAYYYYYYStranger: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYStranger: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYou: NO WAAAAAYStranger: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYStranger: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYou: i have a speech defectStranger: WAHAAAAAAYStranger: oh dearStranger: lisp?You: i'm ugly tooStranger: oh, ok /b/You: are you ugly or weird/Stranger: uh, neitherStranger: now STFUStranger: lol j/kYou: i have a bad personality, tooStranger: so, why are you telling me this?You: i just want to be upfront so that when we do it later you won't be surprisedStranger: AWW YEAAAAAAAAAHYou: when you meet me in person, you will at first be totally repulsedYou: but once that passes, you will only find me mildy unattractiveStranger: so, where do I live then?You: we haven't worked that out yet, have we?Stranger: oh, what about the bank robbery?Stranger: we need to think about the more important stuff firstYou: that's true, we can't make a mistake thereStranger: you're the driver, right?You: yeah, i'm eligible to get my license in two more years, so i'd be the most logical choiceStranger: oh, ok well anywayStranger: you've got to make a distraction, so drive straight through the doorsStranger: hopefully the police will shoot at you, although, this will mean you'll most likely die tomYou: yeah, that was my primary goal... you get rich, i dieStranger: okStranger: good to know you're devoted to your causeStranger: now, remember if you do survive, there's a gun in the gloveboxStranger: use it to shoot at the police, whilst Fred, Tim, Dave and I run for the actual escape carStranger: Got it?You: got itYou: and you are sending 0.0001% of the loot to my surviving kids, right?Stranger: 0.0001%?Stranger: are you having a laugh?Stranger: how about 0.00%You: close enough, i don't like them anywayStranger: sounds goodYou: ok, i'll get the tacos and meet you at the third door on the left at 8pmStranger: okYou: cya thenStranger: i'll make sure to get Tim, Dave and FredYou: okYou: gotta go, i think they are watching, and by "they", I mean the voices in my headStranger: oh, okStranger: goodbye TomYou: bye

[myenemy 0]

gay

[hblask 1]

gay

I agree, but I got a very silly person to begin with, so I didn't have much to work with.

[Jadaki 0]

Stranger: oh, ok /b/

/b/ and other forums run all over this making up dome conversations and posting them, Some of them are pretty funny.

[Mercury69 3]

Bloodninja = classic

[hblask 1]

Bloodninja = classic

Yeah, after trying a couple, I have to say that it is incredibly difficult to find that balance between too silly and too dull. They had to have done thousands of them to get victims that reacted just the right way. Part of the problem is the cynical people on the other end won't play along.

[dna4ever 2]

Stranger: Hi, male or female?You: Females for sure!Stranger: No silly, are you a male or a female?You: I forgot we live in an age where just by telling the gender you are interested in does not automatically define your own gender.Stranger: So, you are a guy?You: You are really hung up on this gender thing, why is it so important?Stranger: I was just making small talk, not important I guess.You: Have you done a lot of these chats?Stranger: quite a few I guess, how about you?You: My first oneStranger: NICE! So I popped your cherry! LOLZ! :)You: Yeah, I guess so, you haven't quite lived up to my expectations.Stranger: Why? What were you expecting? I could slide those pants off of you for starters if you want ....

[StrippersNBlow 0]

Bloodninja = classic

I've only read the first 3, and I have tears in my eyes.Edit: Finished, short of breath, better than I can imagine any cyber ever being. lmfao. HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[Cappy37 0]

I've only read the first 3, and I have tears in my eyes.Edit: Finished, short of breath, better than I can imagine any cyber ever being. lmfao. HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

lol, anytime someone bumps this, i know i'm about to waste the next 15 minutes of my life all over again.Him examining her bra trying to figure out how she unsnapped it is, like, the funniest thing ever, and the "HARRRRR!!!" always seals the deal. So A++++++Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about tocharge your ass.

[1nausp1c1ous 0]

Wellhung and Sweetheart conversation literally had me crying from laughter, very nice work!

[Thriceknurd 0]

For you Mitch Hedberg fans.Connecting to server...You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!Stranger: Have you ever done anything sexual with a family member?You: GreetsStranger: Salutations.You: Our family gets along but not that well.You: We always fight for the front seat when we travel.You: Last time I called shotgun, we had rented a limo... so I ****ed up.You: Although we get together sometimes for BBQ'sYou: I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on 'em. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque, and throw down on some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on... "you better flip that Frito dad, you know how I like it."You: What about your family?Stranger: Yeah, they're alright.Stranger: Not ****ed up really or anything like that.You: I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument. Cause then I tried to walk out, and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up really quick?Stranger: Great joke, Dane Cook.Stranger: I'm laughing so hard.Stranger: What's your deepest, darkest secret?You: My deepest secret?You: hmmmYou: Well, I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store and you stand in front of the lunchmeat section for too long, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see, like, turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna... somebody needs to tell the turkeys, "man, just be yourself!"You: Tell me yoursStranger: I'm not amused.You: Well.. also...You: I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.Stranger: That's my secret. Don't tell anyone that you're not amusing me.You: I smoke cigars occasionally, I don't know a lot about cigars. Like I'm at the cigar store, the man behind the counter says "what kind of cigars do you like?" "Uhh... Itsaboys"Stranger: You're like a totally worthless human being, you provide nothing worthwhile.Stranger: Then again, it can easily be argued that everything is equally pointless, so it doesn't really matter then, does it?You: I agreeStranger: Have you considered killing yourself?You: I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them laterYou: So I feel worthlessYou: I think about things that would make me feel better about myselfYou: Sometimes I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before...You: Or golfingYou: I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...You: I did consider taking the easy way out once.You: But then a miracle happened...You: I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on buddy, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on topYou: Grape flavorYou: I'll never forget the momentYou: Yourself?Stranger: Yes, I've considered it.Stranger: I think I'm considering it right now.Stranger: What's the meaning of your life to you?You: I'm just trying to get by to be honest with youYou: I had to move several timesYou: History of bad neighborsYou: I used to live in Los Angeles... and I had an apartment, and I had a neighbor. And whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down. And that made me angry, cause I like loud music. So when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "go around! I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side, but over here there's nothing... it's just flat"You: Life throws you lemons, make lemonadeStranger: Life gives you AIDs make lemonAIDsYou: I've had the AIDS test four times. And that shit is scary, doesn't matter what you've been doing. So I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore, I get the roundabout AIDS test. I call up my friend Brian and say "Brian, do you know anyone that has AIDS? No? Cool... cause you know me."You: You go out often?Stranger: Nope.You: Same here...You: Although I went to the Home Depot the other day, which was unnecessary... I need to go to the Apartment Depot, which is just a big warehouse with people standing around saying "hey, we ain't gotta fix shit!"You: So I stay at my apartment most of the time.You: I get a lot of packages through FedExYou: I like the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer, and he don't even know it...You: AND he's always on time.You: You should order something and get it delievered via FedExStranger: I'm just being a martyr for other omeglers so they don't have to put up with you.Stranger: You're really pathetic though, you have no personality.You: I'm telling you very personal things.You: I've never been good at any of my jobs.You: I always take the easy way out.You: I had a paper route when I was a kid, I was a paper boy. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses... or 2 dumpstersYou: I do have a dream jobYou: I wanna be a race car passenger... just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."\You: What is your dream job?Stranger: To be better than Hitler at camping.You: I see.You: I'm basically doing temp jobs right now.You: Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.Stranger: And acting like an overall ****tard. You're cool.You: I'm baffled at your hatred towards me.You: I would protest against you if I could...You: but I'm against picketing, and I don't know how to show itYou: You ever consider the military?Stranger: No. Never.You: I never joined the military because "at ease" never seemed that easy to me. It seemed rather uptight, still. I do not relax by putting my arms behind my back and parting my legs slightly, that does not equal ease to me. At ease is not being in the military. I'm eased bro, cause I'm not in the military.Stranger: Your lame jokes aren't mildly entertaining.You: This is a conversation called HIT AND MISSStranger: Hmm, conversation?Stranger: You mean you copy pasting jokes about nothing relevant in a pathetic attempt at being funny?Stranger: I'm past trying to have a conversation, I'm being a martyr so other omeglers aren't subjected to your worthless existence.You: All right, all right. That joke’s better than you acted. Perhaps it’s not. Maybe it’s dumb. It could be. I hear you, man. I’m not a ****in’ genius for Christ’s sakes. You know. I’m just tryin’ to tell some jokes.You: Yeah, this comedy is all a part of my “Get Rich Slow” scheme and it’s working.You: It's not like I can read your mindYou: Well, even if I I could read minds, it's pointless cause I'm illiterate. I'd know what you were thinking, if I could read..

[Thriceknurd 0]

More Mitch Hedberg fun.Connecting to server...You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!You: GreetsStranger: hiStranger: can i share this cappuccino with you? You: I don't understand.You: Are you in a relationship?Stranger: yaStranger: u?You: I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that...Stranger: maybe your mama is a little be overprotectiveYou: Not at allStranger: hey wt the hell do u do?You: I got into an argument with my girlfriend inside of a tent. That`s a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slammed the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick?You: I mean, what else could I do?You: I was SO angry.Stranger: wellStranger: to me no matter how angry i was....Stranger: i won't just escapeYou: You can't even imagine some of the dumb shit we argue over.Stranger: i would let her understand my pointsYou: My girlfriend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said `No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah' and she yelled at me!Stranger: after that i would give time for the both of us to calm downYou: Good advice.You: I left the tent and went into the house.You: We were in our backyard.Stranger: wt do u do?Stranger: y she's mad at u?Stranger: even if u want a regular bananaYou: And my girlfriend gets upset at me for her failures.You: My girlfriend wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She`s an actress, she`s just never called to the set...Stranger: u should show some support to herYou: How is your relationship?Stranger: it's not easy at all to be an actressStranger: well.. we went to camp ytdStranger: near the beachStranger: everything's fineStranger: but i guess my gf is a little bit more reasonable than yrs xdYou: I agreeStranger: wt's yr job man?You: An angry donkey would be more reasonable than that whore. Excuse my french.Stranger: but why was her angryYou: I'm out of work right nowStranger: for refusing her offer?You: I've been thinking of doing some travelling.Stranger: icYou: I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down...You: And you?Stranger: college studentStranger: how old are u?You: 27Stranger: i'm 22You: You're still young. Give it 5 years.Stranger: why do u thk yr gf is angry at u?You: My girlfriend was helping me find some new clothes for possible interviews.You: I angered her in a clothing shop today. She asked me what size I was and I said actual, because I am not to scale.Stranger: but she wasn't wrongStranger: g2g

[StrippersNBlow 0]

More Mitch Hedberg fun.

I wish you had boobs.

[Canuckickstan 2]

Live convo last night at the Stampede Casino where Mike Matasow, Layne Flak , Phil H and a bunch of pros are hanging out during the $5k heads up matches:Mike was walking by after getting a drink.My friend: I really want my picture taken with Mikey.Me: Hey Mike, My buddy would like a picture with you.Mike: Tell your friend to go fuck himself.Awkward pauseMike: Haha, just joking I'll be right back.Us: Ha, he's funny.He never came back.

[Jam-Fly 8]

You: hiStranger: i love pootrue story

[uncooper 1]

I wish I could take credit for this, but it is a repost from another forum:Connecting to server...You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!You: this is how we do itYou: Its friday night, and I feel all rightStranger: is it really?You: The party is here on the west sideYou: So I reach for my 40 and I turn it upYou: Designated driver take the keys to my truckYou: Hit the shore cause Im fadedYou: Honeys in the street say, monty, yo we made it!You: It feels so good in my hood tonightYou: The summertime skirts and the guys in kaniStranger: All the gang bangers forgot about the drive-byYou: You gotta get your groove on, before you go get paidStranger: So tip up your cup and throw your hands upYou: And let me hear the party sayStranger: Im kinda buzzed and its all becauseYou: (this is how we do it)Stranger: South central does it like nobody doesYou: (this is how we do it)Stranger: To all my neighbors you got much flavorYou: (this is how we do it)Stranger: Lets flip the track, bring the old school backYou: (this is how we do it)Stranger: This is how we do it, all hands are in the airYou: And wave them from here to thereStranger: If youre an o.g. mack or a wanna-be playerYou: You see the hoods been good to meStranger: Ever since I was a lower-case gYou: But now Im a big g. the girls see I got the moneyStranger: A hundred-dollar bills yallYou: If you were from where Im from then you would knowStranger: That I gotta get mine in a big black truckYou: You can get yours in a 64Stranger: Whatever it is, the partys underwayYou: So tip up your cup and throw your hands upYour conversational partner has disconnected.

[Jam-Fly 8]

You: hiStranger: hi from?You: u first?Stranger: chinaYou: no wayYou: your the second asian I've spoken to You: Beijing 08 was classYou: thanks alotYou: except in the light-heavyweight boxingYou: did u see that?Stranger: um...where are you from?You: IrelandYou: do you remember the light-heavyweight boxing in the Beijing Olympics?Stranger: ah...i'm not watch boxing game!Stranger: what happen?You: Kenny Egan lost to the China man in ChinaYou: shudda wonStranger: would you speak in chinese?You: I can speak a little MandarinYou: I'm fluent in Japanese and Korean thoughYou: I worked at the 2002 World CupStranger: wow!!Stranger: admire!You: I also speak English, Gaeilge (Irish), French and SpanishStranger: but would you communication in chinese...my english very poor!Stranger: ok... chinese..- -|| i want chineseYou: ok, we can try to talk in chineseStranger: 你现在人在哪呢！You: 我来自爱尔兰You: 我知道汉语的一点!You: 但是我努力我的Stranger: 恩，，，看来你精通各国语言阿Stranger: 很佩服你呢。Stranger: 你似乎很喜欢中国？You: 是，我流利地讲六种语言Stranger: 你几岁啦？You: 是我喜欢中国，一个好国家... 我是32岁Stranger: 恩，，，还有那段你讲的拳击我有点不太理解，可以用中文解释下吗You: 在奥林匹克， Kenny Egan，爱尔兰拳击手，他在决赛丢失给中国拳击手You: 它是一个不合理的结果Stranger: 最终是中国拳击选手获胜，但是裁判不合理。。这样？You: 是Stranger: 这样阿，感觉很遗憾，不过既然判定都过去了。也没办法的事，如果有实力，相信kenny egan可以得到冠军下次。。You: 我不了解所有那。 但是，有希望地Kenny Egan将赢取下次Stranger: 恩恩，，不过，，，中国选手能获胜也并非都是运气啦，中国选手还是很有实力的Stranger: 你现在做什么工作的You: 是，中国是一个巨大体育国家，但是我们应该有那次战斗You: 我当前打生活的扑克。 我以前挣了很多金钱，我现在放松Stranger: 打生活得扑克？赌博吗？You: 它不赌博，它是一个技巧，象棋。 我没有充分地解释的词汇量，但是它是技巧Stranger: 职业在下象棋的。。。？这样。。？You: 是Stranger: 看来是位聪明的人。你会的东西还不少呢！Stranger: 你经常来中国吗You: 我工作了在夏天期间2008年。 从那以后没有。 我也许移动那里几年完善语言Stranger: 你似乎很热衷于学习。。。。Stranger: 在你会的6种语言中是中国最不流利的吧You: 没有，我讲英语，爱尔兰语，并且法国人很好…汉语是好的Stranger: 额，汉语一定学得很辛苦，汉语不好学You: 没有，我发现了汉语最难学会。英语也是坚硬的作为一种外语，但是我感激地学会了那作为婴孩Stranger: 你对你现在的生活满意吗You: 你被雇用？Stranger: 不是，我只是一名高中生。You: 我也是学生Stranger: 博士。？You: 是,我是完成在经济的大师和外交关系Stranger: 请问你现在已经获得了几项学位了？You: 是，在高中以后，我做了HPSS -历史、政治和社会学。 我然后做了毕业后在法律并且成为了律师。 现在我想要完成经济和外交关系Stranger: 你结婚了吗？You: 没有，女朋友2年Stranger: 呵，，蛮佩服你的。。。Stranger: 好累，，，我先睡觉了，我们现在这边很晚了Stranger: 晚安了。。definitely my most interesting convo

[chrozzo 19]

You: hiStranger: hi from?You: u first?Stranger: chinaYou: no wayYou: your the second asian I've spoken to You: Beijing 08 was classYou: thanks alotYou: except in the light-heavyweight boxingYou: did u see that?Stranger: um...where are you from?You: IrelandYou: do you remember the light-heavyweight boxing in the Beijing Olympics?Stranger: ah...i'm not watch boxing game!Stranger: what happen?You: Kenny Egan lost to the China man in ChinaYou: shudda wonStranger: would you speak in chinese?You: I can speak a little MandarinYou: I'm fluent in Japanese and Korean thoughYou: I worked at the 2002 World CupStranger: wow!!Stranger: admire!You: I also speak English, Gaeilge (Irish), French and SpanishStranger: but would you communication in chinese...my english very poor!Stranger: ok... chinese..- -|| i want chineseYou: ok, we can try to talk in chineseStranger: 你现在人在哪呢！You: 我来自爱尔兰You: 我知道汉语的一点!You: 但是我努力我的Stranger: 恩，，，看来你精通各国语言阿Stranger: 很佩服你呢。Stranger: 你似乎很喜欢中国？You: 是，我流利地讲六种语言Stranger: 你几岁啦？You: 是我喜欢中国，一个好国家... 我是32岁Stranger: 恩，，，还有那段你讲的拳击我有点不太理解，可以用中文解释下吗You: 在奥林匹克， Kenny Egan，爱尔兰拳击手，他在决赛丢失给中国拳击手You: 它是一个不合理的结果Stranger: 最终是中国拳击选手获胜，但是裁判不合理。。这样？You: 是Stranger: 这样阿，感觉很遗憾，不过既然判定都过去了。也没办法的事，如果有实力，相信kenny egan可以得到冠军下次。。You: 我不了解所有那。 但是，有希望地Kenny Egan将赢取下次Stranger: 恩恩，，不过，，，中国选手能获胜也并非都是运气啦，中国选手还是很有实力的Stranger: 你现在做什么工作的You: 是，中国是一个巨大体育国家，但是我们应该有那次战斗You: 我当前打生活的扑克。 我以前挣了很多金钱，我现在放松Stranger: 打生活得扑克？赌博吗？You: 它不赌博，它是一个技巧，象棋。 我没有充分地解释的词汇量，但是它是技巧Stranger: 职业在下象棋的。。。？这样。。？You: 是Stranger: 看来是位聪明的人。你会的东西还不少呢！Stranger: 你经常来中国吗You: 我工作了在夏天期间2008年。 从那以后没有。 我也许移动那里几年完善语言Stranger: 你似乎很热衷于学习。。。。Stranger: 在你会的6种语言中是中国最不流利的吧You: 没有，我讲英语，爱尔兰语，并且法国人很好…汉语是好的Stranger: 额，汉语一定学得很辛苦，汉语不好学You: 没有，我发现了汉语最难学会。英语也是坚硬的作为一种外语，但是我感激地学会了那作为婴孩Stranger: 你对你现在的生活满意吗You: 你被雇用？Stranger: 不是，我只是一名高中生。You: 我也是学生Stranger: 博士。？You: 是,我是完成在经济的大师和外交关系Stranger: 请问你现在已经获得了几项学位了？You: 是，在高中以后，我做了HPSS -历史、政治和社会学。 我然后做了毕业后在法律并且成为了律师。 现在我想要完成经济和外交关系Stranger: 你结婚了吗？You: 没有，女朋友2年Stranger: 呵，，蛮佩服你的。。。Stranger: 好累，，，我先睡觉了，我们现在这边很晚了Stranger: 晚安了。。definitely my most interesting convo

nope

[solderz 0]

That bloodninja stuff is classic. Thats like the 5th time i've read it, and I still laugh out loud.These aren't online chat, it's courtroom testimony, but also entertaining:From a little book called Disorder in the Court.They're things people actually said in court, word for word.Q: What is your date of birth?A: July fifteen.Q: What year?A: Every year.�����������������Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.�����������������Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?A: Yes.Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?A: I forget.Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you�ve forgotten?�����������������Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can�t remember which.Q: How long has he lived with you?A: Forty-five years.�����������������Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?A: He said, �Where am I, Cathy?�Q: And why did that upset you?A: My name is Susan.�����������������Q: And where was the location of the accident?A: Approximately milepost 499.Q: And where is milepost 499?A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.�����������������Q: Sir, what is your IQ?A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.�����������������Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?A: After the accident?Q: Before the accident.A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.�����������������Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?A: Yes.Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?A: Yes, sir.Q: What did she say?A: What disco am I at?�����������������Q: Now doctor, isn�t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn�t know aboutit until the next morning?�����������������Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?�����������������Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?�����������������Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?�����������������Q: Did he kill you?�����������������Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?�����������������Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?�����������������Q: How many times have you committed suicide?�����������������Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?A: Yes.Q: And what were you doing at that time?�����������������Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes.Q: How many were boys?A: None.Q: Were there any girls?�����������������Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?A: Yes.Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?�����������������Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn�t you?A: I went to Europe, Sir.Q: And you took your new wife?�����������������Q: How was your first marriage terminated?A: By death.Q: And by whose death was it terminated?�����������������Q: Can you describe the individual?A: He was about medium height and had a beard.Q: Was this a male, or a female?�����������������Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition noticewhich I sent to your attorney?A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.�����������������Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.�����������������Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?A: Oral.�����������������Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing anautopsy.�����������������Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?�����������������Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?A: No.Q: Did you check for blood pressure?A: No.Q: Did you check for breathing?A: No.Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you beganthe autopsy?A: No.Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.�����������������Q: You were not shot in the fracas?A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.