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A Brief Autobiography


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Machine Gun Sammy wasn’t a machine gun enthusiast. Or at least as most people understand the word ‘enthusiast’. He was enthusiastic, that’s for damn sure. But when people would ask him about this or that machine gun, he would just stare dumbly at them, then eventually point his gun at them until they walked away. He didn’t love machine guns in general. He loved his machine gun. What you’re going to come to learn is that this story has very little to do with machine guns, and whole lot to do with the human spirit, and its capacity for love. Can’t wait!It always bothered him that people made the assumption that he knew a lot about machine guns. He looked at Automobile Andy, and Andy (aka Automobile Andy) was always talking about cars. Not just his car, but all kinds of cars. Red cars, blue cars, all kinds. Machine Gun Sammy would just shake his head and then brandish his machine gun. His natural tendency to become overly vexed had a lot to do with the particular configuration of neurons inside his skull, but also because Machine Gun Sammy’s girlfriend didn’t like him as much as she used to. She never said it out loud, but she had a t-shirt that said it. Here’s a picture of what Machine Gun Sammy imagined would happen if Machine Gun Sammy and Automobile Andy got into a duel. mgsad2.jpg Message for the youngsters: Always put your safety on after shooting your machine gun.Message for Set Theorists: I have a joke coming up just for you!Machine Gun Sammy used knives to butter his bread.Machine Gun Sammy considered life to be an accident of nature. He carried anti-theist books around and would sometimes drop them in the paths of oncoming strangers, but nobody really asked him about them. One time he ran into a pastor at a video store (LOL) but was too shy to say anything. He still had a healthy respect for authority, even if the authority was largely unjustified. His internal dialogue sometimes used the same word twice in the same sentence, but usually only if it was a good word or a common word.Time for a Venn Diagrammgs2vi2.jpg Machine Gun Sammy, in his third decade of life, and after a particularly bad job interview, had decided it was a good time to reconsider his nickname.

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Message for Set Theorists: I have a joke coming up just for you!Machine Gun Sammy used knives to butter his bread.
My favorite lines.So fantastic. The whole thing.
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So, I am seriously considering trying out to be a part time writer for Second City. Like, not just talking about it or dreaming about it. Actually doing it; taking the primer courses, showing what I got and giving it a bonafide, from-the-guts shot. I have great ideas, I tend to think my comedy stuff in terms of pictures and imagery rather than words and dialog, which translates very well to the sketch medium. Maybe I'm a little hedgehog'ish with the ethnic/fart/disability genere, but whatever. Every artist has a favorite color (and if you were a nigger artist, that color would almost certainlly be unnatural, garrish and bright surrounded by lots and lots of gold leaf) Wish me luck.(the reason I posted this in here is because posts like this give me faith and confidence)

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second city is amazing.
Few people recognize it as anything other than a SnL farm team, but yeah, they've set the bar pretty high in recent years.When they're hitting on all cylinders, they destroy SnL.
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I don't get it, lol. When I make an introduction post in general poker everyone RIps on me and calls me an idiot. Then someone makes one that doesn't makE ANY sense in GEnral and no one says anything.anyway, Sammy, welcome to the forum. Stay away from Actuary, he's kind of a hot-head.

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Autobiography
Intentional comedy.
I don't get it, lol. When I make an introduction post in general poker everyone RIps on me and calls me an idiot. Then someone makes one that doesn't makE ANY sense in GEnral and no one says anything.anyway, Sammy, welcome to the forum. Stay away from Actuary, he's kind of a hot-head.
Unintentional comedy.
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I don't get it, lol. When I make an introduction post in general poker everyone RIps on me and calls me an idiot. Then someone makes one that doesn't makE ANY sense in GEnral and no one says anything.
Did you include a graph? I may have isolated your problem.
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you can't make this stuff up
Apparently you can, but I have no idea how ideas like this pop into someones head. It has to be drugs right? I've never done them, but I can't imagine thinking of this without it.
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Apparently you can, but I have no idea how ideas like this pop into someones head. It has to be drugs right? I've never done them, but I can't imagine thinking of this without it.
I can isolate every sketch on Conan O'Brien that was written while the writers were smoking weed and the ones that weren't. Anyone who smokes regularly can usually identify the ideas that were conjured up while baked. There was a stretch there in the early 00's where the writers office must've smelled like the cheap seats at a Snoop Dog show.
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I can isolate every sketch on Conan O'Brien that was written while the writers were smoking weed and the ones that weren't. Anyone who smokes regularly can usually identify the ideas that were conjured up while baked. There was a stretch there in the early 00's where the writers office must've smelled like the cheap seats at a Snoop Dog show.
Wait ... wouldn't you mean the expensive seats. As far as I know the weed is smoked right up front. Well it is generally all the seats that are lighting up so far as I've seen. Of course if you meant that it didn't smell at all like MJ then I get the connection. But you would think that the cheap seats would be further away and thus more likely to have the security guards within easy detection, so there might not be as much smoking in those seats.Maybe there could be a graph showing the amount of weed smoked as X and the price of the seats Y.
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So, I am seriously considering trying out to be a part time writer for Second City. Like, not just talking about it or dreaming about it. Actually doing it; taking the primer courses, showing what I got and giving it a bonafide, from-the-guts shot. I have great ideas, I tend to think my comedy stuff in terms of pictures and imagery rather than words and dialog, which translates very well to the sketch medium. Maybe I'm a little hedgehog'ish with the ethnic/fart/disability genere, but whatever. Every artist has a favorite color (and if you were a nigger artist, that color would almost certainlly be unnatural, garrish and bright surrounded by lots and lots of gold leaf) Wish me luck.(the reason I posted this in here is because posts like this give me faith and confidence)
You should start a web comic.
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  • 13 years later...
  • 5 months later...
On 1/21/2009 at 3:03 AM, Machine Gun Sammy said:

Machine Gun Sammy wasn’t a machine gun enthusiast. Or at least as most people understand the word ‘enthusiast’. He was enthusiastic, that’s for damn sure. But when people would ask him about this or that machine gun, he would just stare dumbly at them, then eventually point his gun at them until they walked away. He didn’t love machine guns in general. He loved his machine gun. What you’re going to come to learn is that this story has very little to do with machine guns, and whole lot to do with the human spirit, and its capacity for love. Can’t wait!It always bothered him that people made the assumption that he knew a lot about machine guns. He looked at Automobile Andy, and Andy (aka Automobile Andy) was always talking about cars. Not just his car, but all kinds of cars. Red cars, blue cars, all kinds. Machine Gun Sammy would just shake his head and then brandish his machine gun. His natural tendency to become overly vexed had a lot to do with the particular configuration of neurons inside his skull, but also because Machine Gun Sammy’s girlfriend didn’t like him as much as she used to. She never said it out loud, but she had a t-shirt that said it. Here’s a picture of what Machine Gun Sammy imagined would happen if Machine Gun Sammy and Automobile Andy got into a duel. http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/2486/mgsad2.jpg Message for the youngsters: Always put your safety on after shooting your machine gun.Message for Set Theorists: I have a joke coming up just for you!Machine Gun Sammy used knives to butter his bread.Machine Gun Sammy considered life to be an accident of nature. He carried anti-theist books around and would sometimes drop them in the paths of oncoming strangers, but nobody really asked him about them. One time he ran into a pastor at a video store (LOL) but was too shy to say anything. He still had a healthy respect for authority, even if the authority was largely unjustified. His internal dialogue sometimes used the same word twice in the same sentence, but usually only if it was a good word or a common word.Time for a Venn Diagramhttp://img405.imageshack.us/img405/2543/mgs2vi2.jpg  Machine Gun Sammy, in his third decade of life, and after a particularly bad job interview, had decided it was a good time to reconsider his nickname. Now he's called  https://gritrsports.com/shooting/firearms/rifles/ak-47-rifles/ AK 47 Arthur. He still wonders if his nickname gonna net him a job.

15 years later, it's still the best story out there.
There is Machine Gun Sammy in all of us.

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