Transformers 2

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Ebert's 1 star review.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.The plot is incomprehensible. The dialog of the Autobots, Deceptibots and Otherbots is meaningless word flap. Their accents are Brooklyese, British and hip-hop, as befits a race from the distant stars. Their appearance looks like junkyard throw-up. They are dumb as a rock. They share the film with human characters who are much more interesting, and that is very faint praise indeed.The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed "The Rock" in 1996. Now he has made "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Faust made a better deal. This isn't a film so much as a toy tie-in. Children holding a Transformer toy in their hand can invest it with wonder and magic, imagining it doing brave deeds and remaining always their friend. I knew a little boy once who lost his blue toy truck at the movies, and cried as if his heart would break. Such a child might regard "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" with fear and dismay.The human actors are in a witless sitcom part of the time, and lot of the rest of their time is spent running in slo-mo away from explosions, although--hello!--you can't outrun an explosion. They also make speeches like this one by John Turturro: "Oh, no! The machine is buried in the pyramid! If they turn it on, it will destroy the sun! Not on my watch!" The humans, including lots of U.S. troops, shoot at the Transformers a lot, although never in the history of science fiction has an alien been harmed by gunfire.There are many great-looking babes in the film, who are made up to a flawless perfection and look just like real women, if you are a junior fanboy whose experience of the gender is limited to lad magazines. The two most inexplicable characters are Ron and Judy Witwicky (Kevin Dunn and Julie White), who are the parents of Shia LaBeouf, who Mephistopheles threw in to sweeten the deal. They take their son away to Princeton, apparently a party school, where Judy eats some pot and goes berserk. Later they swoop down out of the sky on Egypt, for reasons the movie doesn't make crystal clear, so they also can run in slo-mo from explosions.The battle scenes are bewildering. A Bot makes no visual sense anyway, but two or three tangled up together create an incomprehensible confusion. I find it amusing that creatures that can unfold out of a Camaro and stand four stories high do most of their fighting with...fists. Like I say, dumber than a box of staples. They have tiny little heads, except for Starscream®, who is so ancient he has an aluminum beard.Aware that this movie opened in England seven hours before Chicago time and the morning papers would be on the streets, after writing the above I looked up the first reviews as a reality check. I was reassured: "Like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan!" (Bradshaw, Guardian); "Sums up everything that is most tedious, crass and despicable about modern Hollywood!" (Tookey, Daily Mail); "A giant, lumbering idiot of a movie!" (Edwards, Daily Mirror). The first American review, Todd Gilchrist of Cinematical, reported that Bay's "ambition runs a mile long and an inch deep," but, in a spirited defense, says "this must be the most movie I have ever experienced." He is bullish on the box office: it "feels destined to be the biggest movie of all time." It’s certainly the biggest something of all time.

[FARGOpokerND 22]

Entertained me for 2 hrs.Megan Fox running in slow-mo is an added bonus

[timwakefield 68]

The Boston Globe did not enjoy this film. Excerpt:

Fast, deafening, and dumb, the movie is total nonsense and will make a fortune. But it’s a Michael Bay project, and the man does have the lack of shame to go with his deficiency in basic storytelling skills.

They’re Jar Jar Binks times two and the first known example of robot blackface.

Wow, I guess they didn't hate it as much as Ebert though. ""Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a horrible experience of unbearable length." Not a good start to a review, if it's your movie.

[fitzinabox 0]

Just got back from the movie and honestly it was not that good. Decently entertaining few hours yes, but just not a great movie overall.

[ajs510 122]

I'm inclined to just not see it and pretend a sequel was never made. I really liked the first movie and was absolutely certain it would be terrible.

[El Guapo 8]

It's a robot alien movie based on a childrens cartoon that had a bunch of cool toys in the 80's. WTF were they expecting?I for one re-watched The Original Transformers the Movie recently, I highly recommend you Netflixing that one.

[brvheart 1,752]

I just got back from it with the two oldest sons. They liked it. I remember thinking at about the 1 1/2 hour mark... "You have got to be kidding. They are starting a brand new plot!?!? This movie is going to last forever." It did.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

i cant believe that people are complaining about the movie being long. more shia time baby.

[timwakefield 68]

i cant believe that people are complaining about the movie being long. more shia time baby.

I'm so happy for you that you're finally embracing and accepting yourself for who you are. That was a gay joke.

[brvheart 1,752]

One more thing that will not be a popular opinion. I don't think Megan Fox is very pretty. In fact, her face annoys me a lot. I am fully aware that her body is amazing, but her face is just bizarrely unattractive to me. She is like a poor man's Jolie.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

One more thing that will not be a popular opinion. I don't think Megan Fox is very pretty. In fact, her face annoys me a lot. I am fully aware that her body is amazing, but her face is just bizarrely unattractive to me. She is like a poor man's Jolie.

lol wat?PERFECTION.

[brvheart 1,752]

lol wat?PERFECTION.

Photographs don't count. They are almost always doctored.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

One more thing that will not be a popular opinion. I don't think Megan Fox is very pretty. In fact, her face annoys me a lot. I am fully aware that her body is amazing, but her face is just bizarrely unattractive to me. She is like a poor man's Jolie.

What the **** is wrong with Jolie? A poor man's jolie is still pretty ****ing hot. Jolie in her prime, that is, Jolie at Fox's age. Today's Jolie is fighting a losing battle against time.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

It's a robot alien movie based on a childrens cartoon that had a bunch of cool toys in the 80's. WTF were they expecting?I for one re-watched The Original Transformers the Movie recently, I highly recommend you Netflixing that one.

this

[Suited_Up 2]

i cant believe that people are complaining about the movie being long. more shia time baby.

Speaking of Shia...http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/31543435#31543435

[dolfan 0]

I really don't care one way or the other whether this is a great movie or an entertaining piece of shit summer blockbuster/Chevy commercial, but I'm finding it hilarious how much it's being trashed by most critics. The new, racial stereotype bots should be fun, though.

[brvheart 1,752]

BIG $27M THURSDAY! RECORD-SMASHING WEDNESDAY! 2ND BIGGEST SINGLE DAY BEHIND 'DARK KNIGHT'! $178+M Five-Day Estimated Total, 2nd Best Behind BatmanTHURSDAY 10:30 PM: Sources tell me that Paramount's Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen logged a $27M Thursday. That's $2M more than the studio expected. The pic is on its way to a $178+M five-day total. To beat the record, it would have to equal The Dark Knight's $203.8M. (Impossible?) But the robot sequel is certain to post the 2nd best 5-day total.THURSDAY AM UPDATE: It's now officially a rock-'em, sock-'em summer! Paramount's Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen shattered the Wednesday opening record set by Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (#5) in 2007: $60.6M vs $44.2M. Even better for the studio, Transformers 2 came in 2nd only to 2008 box office phenomenon The Dark Knight for biggest opening day ever: $60.6M vs $67.1M. So now 2007 Spider-Man 3's $59.8M single day take drops down to #3. The robot sequel grosses from 4,234 North American theaters are $16M more than Paramount expected. That puts the sci-fi actioner on track for a $175M five-day opening despite overwhelmingly lousy reviews. But Paramount boasted how exit polling showed that 91% of the audience said "they liked this movie as much or better than the first". So this Decepticons vs Autobots battle is reviewer-proof. WEDNESDAY AM: Let's be clear: Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen did not break the overall post-midnight preview record of $18.4 million (from 3,040 theaters) set by The Dark Knight on a Friday last summer, but is now 3rd of all time behind Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith's $16.9M (in 2,915 plays in 2005). But the Paramount sequel playing 12:01 AM shows in 3,000+ venues sure came closer than anyone thought possible. Rival studios had expected only between $10M-$12M in midnight shows. So the $16M for Transformers 2 smashed that and more. It broke the previous post-midnight Wednesday record of $12M set by the most recent Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix in 2007. Naturally, Paramount has a sure-shot to shatter that pic's $44M Wednesday record opening as well as the biggest Wednesday 5-day opener of all time Spider-Man 2's grosses of $152.4M in 2004. The studio's estimated 5-day breakdown for Transformers 2 as it expands into a huge release of 4,226 runs now stands at $45M for Wednesday, $25M for Thursday, and $90M for Friday-Sunday. That's in line with Paramount's estimate of $160M which I reported a month ago. But rival studios are pegging the 5-day estimated total at $165M-$175M. "Reviews have been venomous, and I get that it's review proof. But it won't be the zeitgeist movie that last summer's Dark Knight was," one competitor told me. "It's a big-ass opening movie that will fall precipitously." (*These numbers aren't adjusted for inflation or ticket prices.)$60.6 million on just Wednesday. UN...real.

[king_tanner 84]

$60.6 million on just Wednesday. UN...real.

Leave it to Transformers for taking us out of the recession.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

god americans are ****ing muppets.

[fleung22 1]

there's nothing anybody could possibly say to stop me from seeing this movie. hope it comes out in the Far East soon.

[brvheart 1,752]

there's nothing anybody could possibly say to stop me from seeing this movie. hope it comes out in the Far East soon.

It really really sucks. Bad.

[fleung22 1]

It really really sucks. Bad.

well if I go in with the lowest of expectations then I guess I'll be ok. it's like the Terminator or Xmen crap. I'm STILL going to watch them...I'm wayyy too committed after all these years.I think the only popular series I almost gave up on was James Bond and trust me...I LOVVVVVED 007 for a looong time. But I remember falling asleep during one of the Pierce Brosnan ones and said "I think I'm really done with this". Of course a new Bond came on board and I'm back on the bus. Wow, I just wasted a bunch of words to say nothing....I may be alone on this but I can't really get into the Harry Potter series. I want to love it but can't.

[brvheart 1,752]

well if I go in with the lowest of expectations then I guess I'll be ok. it's like the Terminator or Xmen crap. I'm STILL going to watch them...I'm wayyy too committed after all these years.I think the only popular series I almost gave up on was James Bond and trust me...I LOVVVVVED 007 for a looong time. But I remember falling asleep during one of the Pierce Brosnan ones and said "I think I'm really done with this". Of course a new Bond came on board and I'm back on the bus. Wow, I just wasted a bunch of words to say nothing....I may be alone on this but I can't really get into the Harry Potter series. I want to love it but can't.

Actually, I thought the new Terminator movie was 10x the movie that the Transformers was.

[El Guapo 8]

I saw something on Yahoo about the 10 plot holes in this movie, I did not read them because I haven't seen it yet, but I have some thoughts:I love everything Transformers, they were my favorite toy as a kid, favorite cartoon, etc. I just want to see Transformers doing cool stuff, I really don't care about a story or plot. This may change if it is so distracting that the cool stuff is overshadowed by the lack of plot to the nth degree. It is a Michael Bay movie, we expect cool graphics, lots of explosions and actors yelling a lot. I am guessing from the previews there is a lot of that in here. If i want depth and moving characters I will watch a Cohen brothers movie.At the same time, I can see the disappointment of being able to take something that was so great from a lot of our childhoods, and ruining it.I just really hope they do a good job with G.I. Joe, that one will be much easier to make into a realistic feature film.

[donk4life 34]

I saw something on Yahoo about the 10 plot holes in this movie, I did not read them because I haven't seen it yet, but I have some thoughts:I love everything Transformers, they were my favorite toy as a kid, favorite cartoon, etc. I just want to see Transformers doing cool stuff, I really don't care about a story or plot. This may change if it is so distracting that the cool stuff is overshadowed by the lack of plot to the nth degree. It is a Michael Bay movie, we expect cool graphics, lots of explosions and actors yelling a lot. I am guessing from the previews there is a lot of that in here. If i want depth and moving characters I will watch a Cohen brothers movie.At the same time, I can see the disappointment of being able to take something that was so great from a lot of our childhoods, and ruining it.I just really hope they do a good job with G.I. Joe, that one will be much easier to make into a realistic feature film.

G.I. Joe looks incredibly stupid, the whole "When others fail, we don't" or w/e Dennis Quaid says just makes me laugh every time.