My Story Of An Addiction To Poker (very Long)

[rdtedm 0]

gl OP.I mostly wanted to chime in because of all the wife bashing. IMO if your wife doesn't want you to do something, then you shouldn't want to do it. I'm guessing the OP's wife has moral problems with gambling and thus disapproves of him playing. He picked his wife, he should be willing to work around any issues she has.Everyone says your wife should support whatever you want to do. I say, you should love your wife enough to not do stuff that makes her unhappy.Desire to keep wife happy even if she's being silly > desire to gambleIMO.MarkAlso IMO, if you always choose to put your wife first, and she always chooses to put you first, you basically never run into these issues.

Hate to be cynical, but how would that work in this scenario? I agree that family should come first, but there has to be some room for flexibility on both sides.

[NoSup4U 0]

Hate to be cynical, but how would that work in this scenario? I agree that family should come first, but there has to be some room for flexibility on both sides.

If this principle was in effect for this situation, here is how it would play out:Husband would say he's going to play poker.Wife would suck it up and say ok honey, thats fine I'm just a little uneasy with it so please be carefulHusband plays pokerHusband senses wife is having a hard time with him playing but is trying to let him do his thingHusband tells wife that he can tell she is having a hard time with things and that he's not going to play anymore since it seems to be hard on herWife trusts husband even more now because he's clearly willing to give up something he likes for her.And at this point wife either feels way more comfortable with him playing poker because he's clearly putting her first and isn't going to lie to her or risk losing all their money, so she now becomes ok with him playing. Or she just can't get past the moral issues she has and will never be comfortable with it, but rewards husband with unwavering trust always.I don't even think there has to be some flexibility on both sides, its all about 100% flexibility on both sides. Sometimes your spouse is just going to have some stupid issue with something that they just can't get past no matter how much they want to. But if they've shown their desire to put you first always, then I've just never seen it be a problem for someone to be like, ok I'll quit XXXXwhatever because its my spouses one hangup so I can deal with it.Mark

[Jupiter 0]

I think it's good that you're getting help.At least you realized the problem before it was too late. You still have your family, and the money you lost (if any) is not a large figure.Find other hobbies/activities, as you mentioned; it might do wonders.I have been a (non-professional obv) musician for 7 years and it's been great. It has kept me mentally healthy more than anything. That and writing, which I've been taking fairly seriously for about 4 years. It obviously helps that I started doing those things before I got into poker, but still.You might not get the rush of gambling from other activities, but you also won't feel sick.I believe that as you start getting involved in other things, and especially more involved with your family, you'll start thinking less about the game. I've taken fairly long breaks from poker on occasion, and maybe it's just me, but the longer the break, the least I felt like playing.Poker is a great game, but it requires time; it's easy to feel obsessed to a certain degree. That's why I feel like, for an amateur and recreatioal player like myself, it's important to have other interests and set the priorities.Best of luck to you.

[barrec 0]

Hate to be cynical, but how would that work in this scenario? I agree that family should come first, but there has to be some room for flexibility on both sides.

I think Mark's comment allows for flexibility. To me his statement suggests one partner should look out for the other's best interest and you should trust your partner to do so. Obviously we can be blind to many pitfalls in life and a partner can help you navigate through them. If your wife has a problem with gambling in general, and you love and respect her, that might be a sacrifice you are willing to make if you want to keep her as your partner. As Mark put it, wife's happiness>poker. More broadly, wife's happiness>my happiness. Hard to do for sure. If it works, it works. In this instance, gambling may be a problem for a partner for various reasons - either she thinks gambling is immoral for all, or is just worried about supporting her family. Either way you should listen.

[NoSup4U 0]

I think Mark's comment allows for flexibility. To me his statement suggests one partner should look out for the other's best interest and you should trust your partner to do so. Obviously we can be blind to many pitfalls in life and a partner can help you navigate through them. If your wife has a problem with gambling in general, and you love and respect her, that might be a sacrifice you are willing to make if you want to keep her as your partner. As Mark put it, wife's happiness>poker. More broadly, wife's happiness>my happiness. Hard to do for sure. If it works, it works. In this instance, gambling may be a problem for a partner for various reasons - either she thinks gambling is immoral for all, or is just worried about supporting her family. Either way you should listen.

Yeah for sure. I probably came off sounding like its easy peasy. It only takes one of the two partners to start focusing on themselves and their needs first for the whole thing to break down. Its definitely hard to just trust unconditionally your spouse to always have your best interests in mind. Thats why marriage is hard for sure...Mark

[CBass1724 1]

Tell her poker is a game of skill and how you need to practice to improve your skills.

[antistuff 0]

having gotten over an addiction to heroin, i have no sympathy for anybody with any addiction of any kind. empathy yes, sympathy no. if you don't want to do it anymore than just stop. its the easiest and the hardest thing in the world to do, but its really that simple.

[Dratj 0]

I hope you recover because I'm still addicted to gambling.

[Yoda 1]

I understand what you meant, and thanks for your support. Really, my problem might be more common then some people on here want to admit. I don't have many friends, I don't really get out much because i'm married, so i think poker has become something to keep me occupied and in that time i have become obsessed with it.I'm going to start replacing poker with more creative things to do in my life, such as writing, softball, heck i have even thought about playing baseball again recently.

I'm sorry but I have to say it again. YOU HAVE THE WRONG WIFE!!!!!!!!!Did you hear me!? Why the hell did you marry someone that is so oppressive? Of course now you went and had a kid, so you are probably screwed anyway. Too late. But it's obvious where the problems REALLY stem from (and it isn't a small stakes poker hobby).

[Yoda 1]

I hope you recover because I'm still addicted to gambling.

haha yyyyea you are. Did you sell or hold PON.V? I saw it was ugly today.

[barrec 0]

Yeah for sure. I probably came off sounding like its easy peasy. It only takes one of the two partners to start focusing on themselves and their needs first for the whole thing to break down. Its definitely hard to just trust unconditionally your spouse to always have your best interests in mind. Thats why marriage is hard for sure...Mark

Totally. And it doesn't come across as easy to me at all. I plan on getting married, too, and realize (and continually am realizing) the importance of work in a relationship. Relationships require daily work and sacrifice. And to the OP's credit, he's working hard now, and can be a good lesson as to why relationships require that work.

[Dratj 0]

haha yyyyea you are. Did you sell or hold PON.V? I saw it was ugly today.

yep, so ugly, shoulda sold yesterday. The sickness of it all is that I bought some more this morning. I'm hoping it will pop up tomorrow.