Jump to content

Recommended Posts

You all know me, no need to go into the backstory, but as I was driving home from work this morning I started thinking about myself and God and my relationship with him and the fact that at this point I perceive a great gulf to be there, a disconnect of sorts, brought about of course by my own sin, and my thoughts went in the direction of what if today was the last day? For me, or for humanity as a whole. I do not believe I would go to heaven, and I thought how my daughter WOULD and it absolutely kills me that I would not spend eternity with her. I die a little inside when I think about things like that, so this is my prayer: "God, just give me time. That's it. I know I am a mess- I know that there is so much of myself that I have not given up, I know that my life is not what you want it to be, but you know that I am struggling with me, and have been for awhile, I just need time. I don't know how much time. I really don't. I have no clue. Maybe a year. Maybe a month. Maybe 3 years. I do know that I think about you alot, I study about you and I find new truths everyday, I just need time to BE what it is that you need. So, whatever this malaise is, whatever it is that I need to get worked out of my system, help me do it if you would or just grant me the time to work it out on my own. It will take time, I am sure of that, but if you can give me that I WILL come through this,and stronger for it. I will be a greater version of me, someday, if you can grant me the time and allow it to happen." Just thought some of you might like to hear where I am coming from. Have a great day guys.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 58
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

You all know me, no need to go into the backstory, but as I was driving home from work this morning I started thinking about myself and God and my relationship with him and the fact that at this point I perceive a great gulf to be there, a disconnect of sorts, brought about of course by my own sin, and my thoughts went in the direction of what if today was the last day? For me, or for humanity as a whole. I do not believe I would go to heaven, and I thought how my daughter WOULD and it absolutely kills me that I would not spend eternity with her. I die a little inside when I think about things like that, so this is my prayer: "God, just give me time. That's it. I know I am a mess- I know that there is so much of myself that I have not given up, I know that my life is not what you want it to be, but you know that I am struggling with me, and have been for awhile, I just need time. I don't know how much time. I really don't. I have no clue. Maybe a year. Maybe a month. Maybe 3 years. I do know that I think about you alot, I study about you and I find new truths everyday, I just need time to BE what it is that you need. So, whatever this malaise is, whatever it is that I need to get worked out of my system, help me do it if you would or just grant me the time to work it out on my own. It will take time, I am sure of that, but if you can give me that I WILL come through this,and stronger for it. I will be a greater version of me, someday, if you can grant me the time and allow it to happen." Just thought some of you might like to hear where I am coming from. Have a great day guys.
I really don't want to do any preaching here since that's really not my style most of the time. But I believe that your prayer is precisely what God is looking for. A person who knows he's struggling and has the desire to grow closer to God. Only thing left though is that surrender. To admit that you can't fix this, only God can. You're still in the mindset that somehow you can fix yourself up well enough to be acceptable to God. That's really not the way it works. You'll eventually come to (and I'm convinced you will) the point where you say to God, I give up. I can't do it. Please help me. That's when you'll find the strength you are seeking. But as long as you keep pulling away, figuring that you have to fix it first, it won't happen. I really don't generally do this because I figure God is perfectly capable of leading someone to what He wants them to know but I am adding a couple scriptures that hopefully will bring you comfort. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; Phil 1:6that if you confesws with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you wll be saved. For with the heart on believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.For the Scrupture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame" Romans 10:9-11P.S. I don't know your backstory but it is up to you what you want to reveal in a public forum. Just do know that you are in my prayers.
Link to post
Share on other sites

as a point/counter point, Lois, this was just about exactly the kind of prayer I was praying.. oh.. about 2 years or so before I admitted to myself that I really didn't believe in God and Jesus.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I really don't want to do any preaching here since that's really not my style most of the time. But I believe that your prayer is precisely what God is looking for. A person who knows he's struggling and has the desire to grow closer to God. Only thing left though is that surrender. To admit that you can't fix this, only God can. You're still in the mindset that somehow you can fix yourself up well enough to be acceptable to God. That's really not the way it works. You'll eventually come to (and I'm convinced you will) the point where you say to God, I give up. I can't do it. Please help me. That's when you'll find the strength you are seeking. But as long as you keep pulling away, figuring that you have to fix it first, it won't happen. I really don't generally do this because I figure God is perfectly capable of leading someone to what He wants them to know but I am adding a couple scriptures that hopefully will bring you comfort. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; Phil 1:6that if you confesws with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you wll be saved. For with the heart on believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.For the Scrupture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame" Romans 10:9-11P.S. I don't know your backstory but it is up to you what you want to reveal in a public forum. Just do know that you are in my prayers.
So much for that whole trodden underfoot the son of God thing. Sigh..... I wish all the scriptures didn't matter, I really do. Unfortunately, I know better, hence my reality based thinking. Thanks though.
Link to post
Share on other sites
as a point/counter point, Lois, this was just about exactly the kind of prayer I was praying.. oh.. about 2 years or so before I admitted to myself that I really didn't believe in God and Jesus.
I love you. I really do. I just don't think that's what this is about.
Link to post
Share on other sites
I love you. I really do. I just don't think that's what this is about.
that's because you want to believe. Really, really badly. I'm just saying what I said, because it was true. Im not sure the exact moment that I admitted to myself that I wasn't a christain, but lets say 2001, it was sometime in there. The previous 2-3 years prior to that, I just tried not to think about it... the maybe 5 years or so before that, was a long, slow progression away from belief. I wanted not just to believe, but to serve god. To truly walk with christ. I said many prayers just like yours. I felt this giant gulf between me and god. It's not just that I didn't live how I thought god wanted me to live, it's that I felt no connection to god at all, not like I had when I first was "saved". I also engaged in many ridiculous arguments with atheist friends of mine, throwing out occam's razors and ultimately electing not to talk to them, because it was a faith thing, and I couldn't explain it to them. But what I was really doing was getting destroyed by them in debates, and in no logical or rational way being able to defend my opinion. Eventually, I came to see that the gulf between me and god was there because god wasn't . I had just wanted, when I was a kid, to believe in something bigger than me, something magical, some purpose for my life, really, really, really badly. And that's what my faith was.. this wish thinking. But the older I got, the weaker and weaker this wish thinking became. I became more and more exposed to other religions, and other ways of thinking, and I had no way to logically argue that my beliefs were superior to theres, other than my own extremely subjective experience. There was exactly zero objective proof that what I believe was real or true. "Faith" wasn't enough, not enough to keep me in the church. Wishing it was true isn't the same as something actually being true. And that's what I think faith is, wishing. I didn't say that to be an ass, Lois. I'm just saying it because I find your story about your struggle with God and serving god to be very familiar. And I'm telling you a possible time line for a possible future ahead of you. I'm the ghost of Christmas yet to come. But there's still time to change your ways, scrouge.
Link to post
Share on other sites
that's because you want to believe. Really, really badly. I'm just saying what I said, because it was true. Im not sure the exact moment that I admitted to myself that I wasn't a christain, but lets say 2001, it was sometime in there. The previous 2-3 years prior to that, I just tried not to think about it... the maybe 5 years or so before that, was a long, slow progression away from belief. I wanted not just to believe, but to serve god. To truly walk with christ. I said many prayers just like yours. I felt this giant gulf between me and god. It's not just that I didn't live how I thought god wanted me to live, it's that I felt no connection to god at all, not like I had when I first was "saved". I also engaged in many ridiculous arguments with atheist friends of mine, throwing out occam's razors and ultimately electing not to talk to them, because it was a faith thing, and I couldn't explain it to them. But what I was really doing was getting destroyed by them in debates, and in no logical or rational way being able to defend my opinion. Eventually, I came to see that the gulf between me and god was there because god wasn't . I had just wanted, when I was a kid, to believe in something bigger than me, something magical, some purpose for my life, really, really, really badly. And that's what my faith was.. this wish thinking. But the older I got, the weaker and weaker this wish thinking became. I became more and more exposed to other religions, and other ways of thinking, and I had no way to logically argue that my beliefs were superior to theres, other than my own extremely subjective experience. There was exactly zero objective proof that what I believe was real or true. "Faith" wasn't enough, not enough to keep me in the church. Wishing it was true isn't the same as something actually being true. And that's what I think faith is, wishing. I didn't say that to be an ass, Lois. I'm just saying it because I find your story about your struggle with God and serving god to be very familiar. And I'm telling you a possible time line for a possible future ahead of you. I'm the ghost of Christmas yet to come. But there's still time to change your ways, scrouge.
I know you're not being an ass. It would be tough to quantify how much I actually do believe and how much I love this life as well. No man can serve two masters, that is what it comes down to for me, although he can acknowledged the masters existence. I think that you are right, though, in that I don't see how anyone could continue on the path I- or you- were on and just not say at some point, "I don't believe" even if you did. What God requires is not easy to accept, it just isn't. It does require the giving up of ones own self. I have tried- I just can't seem to do it, although I would like to reiterate that these past few years I have learned more about ME than I ever did, and I think a certain amount of that comes from just letting go of the fear and the angst and just experiencing some things that God would not have me to. I think there might be value in that- what if learned, knowledgeable people in the church were all perfect goody two shoes who had never EXPERIENCED the spices of this life? I think that what they delivered would have less depth, less understanding, because they literally had never been there. Nobody can tell you why you should not be an alcoholic more than an alcoholic if you get what I am saying. I do believe that I serve a purpose in Gods plan, that I matter to him, hopefully for a reason that works out for my soul. What if my purpose is one of tragedy? So much knowledge, so much belief, and yet, like Agrippa, almost. That is a very real possibility, yet I must believe that one day I will be that much more powerful spiritually having tested myself the way that I have these past few years, and when I say tested myself I mean headfirst into sinsville.
Link to post
Share on other sites
I know you're not being an ass. It would be tough to quantify how much I actually do believe and how much I love this life as well. No man can serve two masters, that is what it comes down to for me, although he can acknowledged the masters existence. I think that you are right, though, in that I don't see how anyone could continue on the path I- or you- were on and just not say at some point, "I don't believe" even if you did. What God requires is not easy to accept, it just isn't. It does require the giving up of ones own self. I have tried- I just can't seem to do it, although I would like to reiterate that these past few years I have learned more about ME than I ever did, and I think a certain amount of that comes from just letting go of the fear and the angst and just experiencing some things that God would not have me to. I think there might be value in that- what if learned, knowledgeable people in the church were all perfect goody two shoes who had never EXPERIENCED the spices of this life? I think that what they delivered would have less depth, less understanding, because they literally had never been there. Nobody can tell you why you should not be an alcoholic more than an alcoholic if you get what I am saying. I do believe that I serve a purpose in Gods plan, that I matter to him, hopefully for a reason that works out for my soul. What if my purpose is one of tragedy? So much knowledge, so much belief, and yet, like Agrippa, almost. That is a very real possibility, yet I must believe that one day I will be that much more powerful spiritually having tested myself the way that I have these past few years, and when I say tested myself I mean headfirst into sinsville.
Okay, been there, done that actually. I think I've known God was there from very early childhood. Even had a miracle happen to me. But during that time, I got all confused with my folks being Mormon and for some reason I knew in my heart that Mormonism wasn't what God wanted. Anyway, once I made the break from the Mormon Church, I thought a great deal like that LMD. I was going to hell anyway do I might as well have a good time along the way. And I definitely did. I doubt you've done anything that I haven't done but I suppose it's possible. Let's just say that I really sweated out AIDs testing. Anyway, I always knew God was there, just waiting for me if I'd only turn to Him. But I thought turning to Him meant going back to Mormonism (really screwed up but if that's all you know then that's what you think) so I said "NO WAY IN HELL!". I already told you my conversion experience but truly I believe that I was a believer before that. Who knows? Maybe I became a believer in childhood so far back I don't remember it. My parents weren't always Mormons after all. But from that experience I know that God is patient. He might even eventually bring you back McGee who knows? I do think He'll wait you out LMD until you've got all of that crap out of your system. Maybe it'll have to come to a point where the sins seem pointless, I don't know.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Unless he brings me back into a sweet mormon sex cult, I'll pass.
Lol you would want that. You're a guy. But seriously how do you know what the future will bring or how you'll feel in say 20 years? I know for sure that I didn't. :club:
Link to post
Share on other sites

Lois...I think that's great. It sounds like you admit that you are a sinner and are working to be a better person through the teachings of Christ. That's all God asks of you. Keep the faith brother... you'll spend eternity with your daughter. As Paul said to Timothy when he was in jail... (this was actually what we discussed in bible study today)11Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; 12if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; 13if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.Keep the faith bro!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lol you would want that. You're a guy. But seriously how do you know what the future will bring or how you'll feel in say 20 years? I know for sure that I didn't. :club:
Well, if in 20 years i'm the leader of a mormon sex cult, I'd probably be a very happen man... here's hoping.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Well, if in 20 years i'm the leader of a mormon sex cult, I'd probably be a very happen man... here's hoping.
No you wouldn't. Ever see that commercial with the guy fantasizing about having 2 wives?Double nagging isn't worth all the poon-tang in the world.You'd end up killing one of them...going to prison and becomming someones bitch.Now all that was just a joke.... so no need to call me names.
Link to post
Share on other sites
No you wouldn't. Ever see that commercial with the guy fantasizing about having 2 wives?Double nagging isn't worth all the poon-tang in the world.You'd end up killing one of them...going to prison and becomming someones bitch.Now all that was just a joke.... so no need to call me names.
:club::ts:D:D I always thought that about having more than one husband. In fact, I've already told my kids I will NOT ever get married again. Not that I don't love my husband and not that it's not been worth it all BUT I'd never go through it all again for any other guy.
Link to post
Share on other sites
:club::ts:D:D I always thought that about having more than one husband. In fact, I've already told my kids I will NOT ever get married again. Not that I don't love my husband and not that it's not been worth it all BUT I'd never go through it all again for any other guy.
Wait a tick.....You're a chick?
Link to post
Share on other sites
I always thought that about having more than one husband. In fact, I've already told my kids I will NOT ever get married again. Not that I don't love my husband and not that it's not been worth it all BUT I'd never go through it all again for any other guy.
Well that's not weird.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Scene - I-10, Phoenix Arizona, late afternoon - Lois is peacefully driving home from some place of debauchery when the spirit moves him to pray:Lois: Hello Lord.God: ...Lois: Ya, uhm, listen, I need more time to sin and stuff because I don't really believe you're up there but really like to pretend I do.God: ...Lois: I mean, it's not just pretending. I'd really like to believe in you because then I could go to heaven and stuff and wouldn't have to give up this hope you give me.God: ...Lois: So, hey, I read about you and things like that, and honestly thoughts about you form much of my world-view foundation. I tell people about you and defend my belief against non-believers. I hope all of this gives me some brownie points.God: ...Lois: Anyway, thanks for listening to me. I should probably wait till I get home to start praying next time, it's dangerous to pray and drive at the same time. LOL LOL! God: ... Lois: LOL!Lois' daughter: Shut the fuck up!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lois' daughter: Shut the fuck up!
That crossed the line. It's people like you that made me stop posting here in the first place. We all know you don't agree with anything related to God, but there is no reason to make it personal and involve a man's daughter in your attempt to be funny and impress your e-friends. Grow up.Lois . . . I haven't posted on here in a while because of exactly this type of thing (Spademan). However, I know you have struggled with yourself (so to speak) for a while, and wanted to comment. You know this is common because we are not made to be perfect. In fact, you know, that we are all sinners. To me, you have accepted this which is hard for most to do. Don't sell yourself so short. You are probably more of an example of a christian than you think. The only difference is that you show your heart on your sleeve. You do not pretend to be perfect like so many Christians tend to do. You say things like they are and I admire that in you. You are not afraid to say, "hey I believe but I am struggling with sin". We are all sinners Lois, but you know better than most that the bible tells us that if we ask for forgiveness, it will be given. God does not hold these things over our head so to speak. He is a God of fogiveness. Yes he requires a lot of us and expects more from us. BUT, he also knows we are sinners by nature, which is exactly the reason Jesus died for our sins. You know that the punishment for sin is death. Well, you also know that Jesus paid that price for us. God does not expect you to be perfect Lois. All Christians still sin (including me). God knows this. But, to me, you are a lot closer to what God wants from us than you give yourself credit for. You want a relationship with him. You study his word. You repent when you screw up. THAT is what God expects from you. Don't continue to beat yourself down and think that you are not there. Being perfect in God's eyes is not attainable. But being the best Lois you can be is. If I had to guess, I would say that you are a light to a lot of people. More than you probably think. In fact, I am impressed that you are still on here "arguing" with the cynical non-believers on this site. For me personally, I gave up long ago. I go tired of the same arguments with the same jerks on here. (Jumping of my soap box) . . . I think you are a good example of what being a real Christian is. You believe, you study, you try to improve yourself, you sin, you repent, you pray, you care what God thinks of you, etc. etc. You will never achieve perfection, and it seems like sometimes you are striving for that. I think your prayer is a very good prayer. However, it seems that the time you want is to try and become perfect in God's eyes which will never happen. If anything, I think God is happy with you just as you are right now. You have accepted him and that is what matters to him. Everything else in your life (sin) is just a work in progress.
Link to post
Share on other sites
That crossed the line. It's people like you that made me stop posting here in the first place. We all know you don't agree with anything related to God, but there is no reason to make it personal and involve a man's daughter in your attempt to be funny and impress your e-friends. Grow up.Lois . . . I haven't posted on here in a while because of exactly this type of thing (Spademan).
I rarely make audible laughter when reading the net.You've done it here, for this is incredibly awesome.Listen up Cain, unlike you Lois knows how to take a joke.Watch his response when there is one, I'm pretty sure he will take it as light-heartedly as it was meant. Might even chuckle.Impress my e-friends? God you're a hoot.Crawl back in your hole you spineless hypocrite.Stick to churches where everyone will pretend to love you; it seems the interweb is too volatile for your delicate sensibilities.
Link to post
Share on other sites
That crossed the line. It's people like you that made me stop posting here in the first place. We all know you don't agree with anything related to God, but there is no reason to make it personal and involve a man's daughter in your attempt to be funny and impress your e-friends. Grow up.
First of all, i know that being a Xian completely amputated your sense of humor, but that was funny, and you are a humorless douche. I also guarantee lois thought it was funny, and isn't insulted in the slightest
Link to post
Share on other sites

You guys are fine examples of what is wrong with the world today. And no I'm not talking about anything related to God. I'm talking about having civilized discussions or debates and being a decent person. All you know how to do is insult. To be honest, I thought your post was quite clever and funny until the last line where you drug his daughter into the mix. If he says it's fine and has no problem with it, then I will be the first to apologize to you. But your only response to me are insults. Did I insult you and call you a name? No. I called you on the carpet for what I thought was an inappropriate response. Like I said, if Lois doesn't have a problem with it, then I apologize. But the mere fact that you (and you too BigDMcgee) label me by calling me "Cain", or a "spinelss hypocrite", or a "douche" shows your true level of maturity. What exactly made me a "spineless hypocrite" anyway? How was I a hypocrtie? Since I am a Christian, do you think that I am not allowed to speak my mind? Do you think that I sit around reading my bible all day and praying and never talk to anyone? It kills me what you guys actually think of any Christian that speaks his mind. Automatically you call me a hypocrite, for what? Do you honestly believe, that real Christians think they are better than everyone? I have said it here dozens of times before, true Christians are exactly the opposite. In fact, if you consider yourself a real Christian, you have respect for everyone not just other Christians. The only real difference I see between you two and I is that I treat people (all people) with a little respect even if I disagree with them. I wasn't disrespectful to you in the least. I told you it crossed the line and said "grow up". That is a far cry from "spineless hypocrite" or "douche". I can almost feel your hate for me coming through this screen and that to me is sad. It's sad that you two can only comment when it involves sarcasm, insults or flat out hate responses. Just like I said, you (and you too BigDMcgee) need to grow up. Go ahead and call me more names if you wish it will only prove my point more.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You guys are fine examples of what is wrong with the world today. And no I'm not talking about anything related to God. I'm talking about having civilized discussions or debates and being a decent person. All you know how to do is insult.
I'm insulting you because you are a humorless douche, this post only re-enforces my point. You're what's wrong with the world today, someone who takes himself and others way, way to seriously and injects themselves into conversations that have fuck all to do with them. If you'd like to wager on if lois is insulted by that post, I'd gladly take any action you want to give. If you're not willing to bet on if lois is insulted, then please shut the fuck up.
Link to post
Share on other sites

speaking of growing up.. I'd love for you to guess where the man you're insulting and condescending is and what he is doing right now, foose. Not me, I probably do need to grow up. I'm talking about Spademan. His life is a little more grown up than you could possibly imagine, and just further proves you just talk straight out of your ass. please save your condescending bullshit for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
speaking of growing up.. I'd love for you to guess where the man you're insulting and condescending is and what he is doing right now, foose. Not me, I probably do need to grow up. I'm talking about Spademan. His life is a little more grown up than you could possibly imagine, and just further proves you just talk straight out of your ass. please save your condescending bullshit for me.
What does this have to do with anything? I could care less what he does or how "grown up" his life is. How exactly was I insulting him anway? Answer me that. I in no way have I insulted him at all. It doesn't matter if he works for Nasa or is a brain surgeon. I'm talking about the way you treat people and talk to people. And you my friend have a big problem with that. Your a big talker online. I guess I could be too if I chose to. I could tell you to "f" off as well if I wanted to online. I could be a real "bada__" online if I wanted to. But, I choose to be a little more respectful. I'd be willing to bet my paycheck that you wouldn't talk to me like that if we were face to face, right? I guarantee you, that if we were debating this very same thing in person you would show me a little more respect than what your showing me right now with your "tough" talk. If you say you would, then your lying. I GUARANTEE you wouldn't talk to me like this in person.Oh yeah, I think this is the funniest point of your post. You said, and I quote, "I'm insulting you because you are a humorless douche, this post only re-enforces my point. You're what's wrong with the world today, someone who takes himself and others way, way to seriously and injects themselves into conversations that have **** all to do with them. Ha ha ha. If I remember correctly, I was talking to Spademan and YOU jumped in the conversation. Who is the hypocrite now?
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Announcements


×
×
  • Create New...