Britain Is Repossessing The Usa

[Andr4w 0]

To: The citizens of the United States of AmericaIn light of your failure to nominate competent candidates forPresident of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby givenotice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical dutiesover all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, whichshe does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appointa governor for America without the need for further elections. Congressand the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulatednext year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in thetransition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules areintroduced with immediate effect: You should look up 'revocation' inthe Oxford English Dictionary.1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You willbe amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' withoutskipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by thesuffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabularyto acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noisessuch as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient formof communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will letMicrosoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will beadjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and theelimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem,God Save The Queen.4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers andtherapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Gunsshould only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sortthings out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you'renot grown up enough to handle a gun.6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anythingmore dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required ifyou wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is foryour own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what wemean. Harley Davisons will still be allowed.8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you willstart driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, youwill go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit ofconversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help youunderstand the British sense of humour.9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have beenwrongly calling gasoline)-roughly $9/US gallon. Get used to it!We'll come back to the gallon measure later!10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call Frenchfries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potatochips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, friedin animal fat, and dressed not with "ketshup", but with vinegar.You will henceforth stop serving everything in polystyrene containers. It isextremely bad for the environment. Newspapers have proved to completelyacceptable for both their thermal properties and recycling qualities.11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actuallybeer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred toas beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will bereferred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they area reasonable sporting Nation (having just managed to scrape the World Cup)and it can only be due to the beer.They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.American brands will be referred to hereafter as NFGU.Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk offurther confusion.12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors asgood guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors toplay English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt Englishdialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin tohaving one's ears removed with a cheese grater.13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind ofproper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, intime, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to Americanfootball, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty secondsor wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of girls). Don't tryRugby - the Southern hemisphere teams will thrash you, believe it or not,they sometimes beat us!14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable tohost an event called the World Series for a game which is not playedoutside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is aworld beyond your borders, your error is understandable You will learncricket, and we will let you face the South Africans, Indians and Pakistani's (look them up in the Atlas provided or Google Earth) first to takethe sting out of their deliveries.15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty'sGovernment will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of allmonies due (backdated to 1769).17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, nevermugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries inseason. Dinner should be served after 6 in the evening. The midday meal is called lunch!God save the Queen..By Royal ProclamationJohn Cleese, Governor designate for the North American Dependency,(formerly known as the USA)

[chrozzo 19]

damn

[chgocubs99 0]

hey chrozzo

[ajs510 122]

hi

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

13. You will cease playing American football. 14. Further, you will stop playing baseball.

I could have gone along until these two.

[chrozzo 19]

To: The citizens of the United States of AmericaIn light of your failure to nominate competent candidates forPresident of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby givenotice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical dutiesover all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, whichshe does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appointa governor for America without the need for further elections. Congressand the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulatednext year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in thetransition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules areintroduced with immediate effect: You should look up 'revocation' inthe Oxford English Dictionary.Well your first successor had big ugly ears1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You willbe amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.fuck you....pronounce that2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' withoutskipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by thesuffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabularyto acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').only if youre a homosexualnot that theres anything wrong with that3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noisessuch as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient formof communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will letMicrosoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will beadjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and theelimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem,God Save The Queen.at least we dont call our POCKET a SKYROCKET4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.you're just jealous5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers andtherapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Gunsshould only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sortthings out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you'renot grown up enough to handle a gun.i agree...so ill jst say hi6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anythingmore dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required ifyou wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.you all should eat more vegetables...your teeth need the nutrition7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is foryour own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what wemean. Harley Davisons will still be allowed.you spelled it wrong, donk8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you willstart driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, youwill go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit ofconversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help youunderstand the British sense of humour.brits are funny?hmmmmm never noticed9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have beenwrongly calling gasoline)-roughly $9/US gallon. Get used to it!We'll come back to the gallon measure later!bc you suck10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call Frenchfries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potatochips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, friedin animal fat, and dressed not with "ketshup", but with vinegar.You will henceforth stop serving everything in polystyrene containers. It isextremely bad for the environment. Newspapers have proved to completelyacceptable for both their thermal properties and recycling qualities.11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actuallybeer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred toas beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will bereferred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they area reasonable sporting Nation (having just managed to scrape the World Cup)and it can only be due to the beer.They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.American brands will be referred to hereafter as NFGU.Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk offurther confusion.come try some PA microswait...no dont...stay there12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors asgood guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors toplay English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt Englishdialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin tohaving one's ears removed with a cheese grater.and you would know how?13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind ofproper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, intime, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to Americanfootball, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty secondsor wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of girls). Don't tryRugby - the Southern hemisphere teams will thrash you, believe it or not,they sometimes beat us!BRAZIL FTW!!14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable tohost an event called the World Series for a game which is not playedoutside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is aworld beyond your borders, your error is understandable You will learncricket, and we will let you face the South Africans, Indians and Pakistani's (look them up in the Atlas provided or Google Earth) first to takethe sting out of their deliveries.do you even play baseball?15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.its secret..so stfu16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty'sGovernment will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of allmonies due (backdated to 1769).her majesty can kiss my ass17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, nevermugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries inseason. Dinner should be served after 6 in the evening. The midday meal is called lunch!pussyGod save the Queen..By Royal ProclamationJohn Cleese, Governor designate for the North American Dependency,(formerly known as the USA)

[chrozzo 19]

hey chrozzo

hi

[Yoda 1]

Come try to enforce this stuff so we can kick your sorry brit asses all over again

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

Come try to enforce this stuff so we can kick your sorry brit asses all over again

Just like we did in dubya dubya TWO!I actually like British culture. And the ladies. So classy.

[ajs510 122]

Just like we did in dubya dubya TWO!

You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are.

Shove off! I'm gonna put the skitters in your Alan Whickers, you plonker!

[ajs510 122]

Shove off! I'm gonna put the skitters in your Alan Whickers, you plonker!

It's fwustwaiting.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

It's fwustwaiting.

I'll show you how to chug a beer, mothafucka!

[ajs510 122]

I'll show you how to chug a beer, mothafucka!

You got chutzpah Fuckelstein.

[speedz99 145]

It's fwustwaiting.

<3

[terradawg 0]

you forgot to mention that, as all things will be british, there will no longer be a need for dentists.

[ShakeZuma 585]

[SlapStick 0]

John Cleese,

duh

[Andr4w 0]

duh

Wondered how long it would take lol

[Gimmee your chip 0]

You last tried this back in 1812, and if I recall correctly we kicked your ass and sent you sailing back across the pond crying to your queen.

[ajs510 122]

You last tried this back in 1812, and if I recall correctly we kicked your ass and sent you sailing back across the pond crying to your queen.

Yeah...we actually kinda picked that fight to be perfectly accurate.

[chrozzo 19]

Shove off! I'm gonna put the skitters in your Alan Whickers, you plonker!

winner

[chrozzo 19]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=s2ZXThC1X74

[chrozzo 19]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=s2ZXThC1X74

new winner

[Jeepster80125 0]

new winner

Way to quote yourself, pretty sneaky.