How To Get To Heaven When You Die

[PMJackson21 0]

Because aliens are for the most part a recent phenomona started oh so coincedantally during the time in our life when flying airplanes were breaking all conventional wisdom and reaching speeds never before dreamed of, under secret cloaks from our military.

According to the Zulu creation story:However, a God-like race called the Chitauli eventually arrived from the sky in terrible flying machines shaped like bowls and that made a great sound and looked like a great fire in the sky. These Gods were humanoid in form, but were very tall, and had lizard-like skin and tails. Their eyes were yellow, and some of them had a third eye in the middle of their forehead.---I had been doing some studying on the Zulu people for something unrelated, and the quoted part of your post made me think of this. It struck me as odd that the Zulu would have such an obvious 'alien' description in their creation story, but to be honest I can't verify that it's not revisionist so to speak. The only source I can find with preliminary research was the 'official historian' of the Zulu people, Shaman Credo Mutwa. Whether this was something that had been passed down for ages, or something Mutwa created recently to be controversial, I don't know.

[Loismustdie 0]

According to the Zulu creation story:However, a God-like race called the Chitauli eventually arrived from the sky in terrible flying machines shaped like bowls and that made a great sound and looked like a great fire in the sky. These Gods were humanoid in form, but were very tall, and had lizard-like skin and tails. Their eyes were yellow, and some of them had a third eye in the middle of their forehead.---I had been doing some studying on the Zulu people for something unrelated, and the quoted part of your post made me think of this. It struck me as odd that the Zulu would have such an obvious 'alien' description in their creation story, but to be honest I can't verify that it's not revisionist so to speak. The only source I can find with preliminary research was the 'official historian' of the Zulu people, Shaman Credo Mutwa. Whether this was something that had been passed down for ages, or something Mutwa created recently to be controversial, I don't know.

This is so close to what I believe it's ****ing unreal. I need to look into these Zulu folk.

[PMJackson21 0]

This is so close to what I believe it's ****ing unreal. I need to look into these Zulu folk.

That got an actual LOL out of me at work.

[xfrodobagginsx 0]

Why not beieve the bible?

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Why not beieve the bible?

Why not believe the Koran?

[ShakeZuma 585]

Why not beieve the bible?

the unbelievable laziness of this argument almost makes me want to become a christian."why not believe in the bible?""uh, eh, sure why not."

[brvheart 1,753]

the unbelievable laziness of this argument almost makes me want to become a christian."why not believe in the bible?""uh, eh, sure why not."

Come on in Shake, the water's fine.**EDIT obscure Chris Walken quote that not many people would get**

[xfrodobagginsx 0]

Why not believe the Koran?

...because the koran not only contradicts it's self, it contradicts history and the bible. Mohummad took the bible and twisted it up to fit what he wanted it to say.

[speedz99 145]

...

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

...because the koran not only contradicts it's self, it contradicts history and the bible. Mohummad took the bible and twisted it up to fit what he wanted it to say.

you are describing precisely what the new testament did to the old testament.

[crowTrobot 2]

...because the koran not only contradicts it's self, it contradicts history and the bible. Mohummad took the bible and twisted it up to fit what he wanted it to say.

Mohummad? it's self?

[Southern Buddhist 1]

you are describing precisely what the new testament did to the old testament.

QFT, and said much more succinctly than I ever could.

[xfrodobagginsx 0]

Jesus Christ fulfilled the law. In doing so, He placed us under God's grace. What you see predominantly in the OT is God's law, under the NT we see God's grace.

[Spademan 94]

Since nobody wants to know, it is probably appropriate that I tell you.I'm coming down INTO THE FUCKING WEEDS to tell you this, blockheads.You don't exist in any of the ways you think you do, because you are not your brain or your body or anything outside of your brain and body. You are what happens when your brain meets anything outside your brain. That thing between.Furthermore, since this little tidbit is A PRIORI, LITERALLY MEANING "FROM THE FORMER", that is to say "BEING WITHOUT EXAMINATION OR ANALYSIS" or "SPRUNG FROM SELF-EVIDENT PROPOSITIONS" or worst of all, "BEFORE THOUGHT"... furthermore IT WILL DO NOTHING TO HELP YOU IN ANY WAY. See, you need thought to understand thought. "Self" is a thought. Since you are not the thought, nor the thinker, but rather a reaction that spawns thoughts and thinkers, you cannot ever, ever, ever actually grasp "you". GOD DAMMIT.Listen to me you stupid rat bastards, when your brain meets experience "you" happen. You are nothing more that the lubricant between the two. You think of yourself as this little enclave of emotions and spirits and other stupid shit. You think that the "myriad things" all around are something outside of you. YOU DON'T EXIST EXCEPT FOR THOSE THINGS. WITHOUT THINGS THERE IS VOID AND WITH VOID THERE IS EMPTINESS AND WITH EMPTINESS THERE IS NO SELF OR OTHER. When a needle touches a record music plays. The needle is experience, the record is your brain and the music is you. You are neither the record nor the needle. You are neither your brain nor experience. YOU HAPPEN WHEN THEY MEET, and you are fleeting and transient and not in control of anything and don't exist without something else therefore ARE that something else and are the chair that you see and the voice that you hear and these letters that you're reading and stars and shit and love and the number 3. Idiots.I lose all standing with the ancients and come down into the world to spew this tripe. I hope you're happy.If you are lucky you'll die the Great Death and realize that everything I am saying is absolutely true and ridiculously false and absurd. So you are free to laugh or cry or ignore it as the situation dictates, performing perfect function in total accord with the moment. There is unequivocally nothing whatsoever one must accomplish to grasp clarity. There is nothing one must learn, nowhere one must go, no state to achieve, no god to appease, no non-god to defeat, no understanding to glean, no truth to behold, no single thing that applies. It.Is.Just.This.If you think I'm talking like a psycho, good. If you think this post is interesting, get a life. If you think I'm wise and you agree with me, shut your fucking mouth. If you're that one guy who will inevitably think I am some sort of guru and want to study at my feet, I will kick you in your temple if I ever see you in person.

[Loismustdie 0]

Since nobody wants to know, it is probably appropriate that I tell you.I'm coming down INTO THE FUCKING WEEDS to tell you this, blockheads.You don't exist in any of the ways you think you do, because you are not your brain or your body or anything outside of your brain and body. You are what happens when your brain meets anything outside your brain. That thing between.Furthermore, since this little tidbit is A PRIORI, LITERALLY MEANING "FROM THE FORMER", that is to say "BEING WITHOUT EXAMINATION OR ANALYSIS" or "SPRUNG FROM SELF-EVIDENT PROPOSITIONS" or worst of all, "BEFORE THOUGHT"... furthermore IT WILL DO NOTHING TO HELP YOU IN ANY WAY. See, you need thought to understand thought. "Self" is a thought. Since you are not the thought, nor the thinker, but rather a reaction that spawns thoughts and thinkers, you cannot ever, ever, ever actually grasp "you". GOD DAMMIT.Listen to me you stupid rat bastards, when your brain meets experience "you" happen. You are nothing more that the lubricant between the two. You think of yourself as this little enclave of emotions and spirits and other stupid shit. You think that the "myriad things" all around are something outside of you. YOU DON'T EXIST EXCEPT FOR THOSE THINGS. WITHOUT THINGS THERE IS VOID AND WITH VOID THERE IS EMPTINESS AND WITH EMPTINESS THERE IS NO SELF OR OTHER. When a needle touches a record music plays. The needle is experience, the record is your brain and the music is you. You are neither the record nor the needle. You are neither your brain nor experience. YOU HAPPEN WHEN THEY MEET, and you are fleeting and transient and not in control of anything and don't exist without something else therefore ARE that something else and are the chair that you see and the voice that you hear and these letters that you're reading and stars and shit and love and the number 3. Idiots.I lose all standing with the ancients and come down into the world to spew this tripe. I hope you're happy.If you are lucky you'll die the Great Death and realize that everything I am saying is absolutely true and ridiculously false and absurd. So you are free to laugh or cry or ignore it as the situation dictates, performing perfect function in total accord with the moment. There is unequivocally nothing whatsoever one must accomplish to grasp clarity. There is nothing one must learn, nowhere one must go, no state to achieve, no god to appease, no non-god to defeat, no understanding to glean, no truth to behold, no single thing that applies. It.Is.Just.This.If you think I'm talking like a psycho, good. If you think this post is interesting, get a life. If you think I'm wise and you agree with me, shut your fucking mouth. If you're that one guy who will inevitably think I am some sort of guru and want to study at my feet, I will kick you in your temple if I ever see you in person.

Of course, there is no way he can actually know this, no way he will ever know this, with any sort of semblance of certainty. So, yada yada yada, I am the great Spademan, I blather on about this and that while travelling the world on the governments dime, I make obscure references that make me on par with Dennis Miller, and am a hoot but little more than just that, a hoot. Truthfully as far as a personality he is A+ but as a spiritual advisor he is fly to your swatter.

[Spademan 94]

Of course, there is no way he can actually know this, no way he will ever know this, with any sort of semblance of certainty. So, yada yada yada, I am the great Spademan, I blather on about this and that while travelling the world on the governments dime, I make obscure references that make me on par with Dennis Miller, and am a hoot but little more than just that, a hoot. Truthfully as far as a personality he is A+ but as a spiritual advisor he is fly to your swatter.

All of this is almost exactly right. Especially the not knowing part. I know nothing, and I know it intimately.The only thing that is really off is the fly to the swatter part. In your analogy, experience has shown, I am much more the swatter to the fly in that analogy.I make spirit go splat.Oh, and the just a hoot thing. I am also a holler. And awesome. A hoot and a holler and awesome. And sexy. A sexy, hoot and holler'in good time of awesome. And deadly. And kind of a modern-style anti-hero. You know, the ruggedly handsome guy who does the right thing but does it with mean and witty comments and does it because some part of himself hates makes him do it rather than out of some pansy-smansy sense of compassion, knowing that compassion is just selfishness in disguise. Ya, that's all I would add. "Just a ruggedly handsome guy who happens to be an awesome, deadly, modern anti-hero that one could otherwise describe as a hoot and holler'in sexy good time. If your attachment were a light-switch I'd turn it out.

[Loismustdie 0]

All of this is almost exactly right. Especially the not knowing part. I know nothing, and I know it intimately.The only thing that is really off is the fly to the swatter part. In your analogy, experience has shown, I am much more the swatter to the fly in that analogy.I make spirit go splat.Oh, and the just a hoot thing. I am also a holler. And awesome. A hoot and a holler and awesome. And sexy. A sexy, hoot and holler'in good time of awesome. And deadly. And kind of a modern-style anti-hero. You know, the ruggedly handsome guy who does the right thing but does it with mean and witty comments and does it because some part of himself hates makes him do it rather than out of some pansy-smansy sense of compassion, knowing that compassion is just selfishness in disguise. Ya, that's all I would add. "Just a ruggedly handsome guy who happens to be an awesome, deadly, modern anti-hero that one could otherwise describe as a hoot and holler'in sexy good time. If your attachment were a light-switch I'd turn it out.

I will give him the holler and the sexy. This is true.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

<----------------------- Will make babies for Spademan.It was the needle/record/music analogy that did it.

[vbnautilus 48]

spademan == nisagardatta maharaj

[xfrodobagginsx 0]

Please take the time to read this first post and pray that prayer to God at the bottom of it if you haven't yet.

[Sal Paradise 57]

Please take the time to read this first post and pray that prayer to God at the bottom of it if you haven't yet.

oh shit man, thanks. I almost forgot.

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

spademan == mr zimmerline

FYP

[BigDMcGee 3,352]

Very nice...but the haters and NB's are gonna rip into you. Don't take it personally...there's a few really hateful and sad people on this site that get pleasure out of being mean.

I love that Hollywoods reaction to this insane OP was "Very nice" lol.

[Randy Reed 0]

FYP

[Randy Reed 0]

I am waiting for the math that proves how unlikely God is.The math on the improbabilty of sponteneous life forming from nothing was pretty high. What with the hundred of amino acids, proteins, and other cool things needed. Randomly formed and mixed at room temperature with a lighting bolt for energy. Oh and timed to coincide with a hospitable environment with oxygen (that kills many of the needed parts)I look forward to the equation placed on God's probability.I'm sure it will be based on deep science and hard values, with no bias, just pure science.

How about a billion to one? Is that long enough odds? If it is, considering there are a billion billion planets then there is likely life on a billion other planets.