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Thing is, even when the BigD goes soft, he still comes harder than 9 out of 10 men.

No, ceiling cat is a cat.

Dear HangukMiguk,I have this friend, ok? In fact, he's not really a friend, more like my sister's boyfriend's sister's boyfriend. Anyway, this guy has a problem. He loves milkshakes. Vanilla especially, but he'll drink the Chocolate one's from time to time. Anyway, this guy hates his girlfriend, and I don't blame him. She's a total bitch and loves getting herself off by using her bedpost a la Vagina Monologues. The problem is, he's getting sex on a constant basis (like 2-3 times a night), and she even lets herself be doused in milkshakes for him to drink up, so he's willing to over look the bitchiness. However, she's got him on a short leash, and he can't do anything about it if he wants nookie 2-3 times a night. That being said, my question to you is:Is there anyway he can get a discount on condoms? It's gotten to the point where snorting coke would be cheaper.Thanks,gkunit20.

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Dear HangukMiguk,I have this friend, ok? In fact, he's not really a friend, more like my sister's boyfriend's sister's boyfriend. Anyway, this guy has a problem. He loves milkshakes. Vanilla especially, but he'll drink the Chocolate one's from time to time. Anyway, this guy hates his girlfriend, and I don't blame him. She's a total bitch and loves getting herself off by using her bedpost a la Vagina Monologues. The problem is, he's getting sex on a constant basis (like 2-3 times a night), and she even lets herself be doused in milkshakes for him to drink up, so he's willing to over look the bitchiness. However, she's got him on a short leash, and he can't do anything about it if he wants nookie 2-3 times a night. That being said, my question to you is:Is there anyway he can get a discount on condoms? It's gotten to the point where snorting coke would be cheaper.Thanks,gkunit20.
Dear GK,Forget discounted condoms (He can get them for free online, btw). He needs to learn that milkshakes DON'T bring all the boys to yard. I'd teach him this, but I'd have to charge. Also, he probably needs to have a prostate exam. That's just me though.Leave the chick, hook up with a girl who works at Dairy Queen.Hope this helps.
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Dear GK,Forget discounted condoms (He can get them for free online, btw). He needs to learn that milkshakes DON'T bring all the boys to yard. I'd teach him this, but I'd have to charge. Also, he probably needs to have a prostate exam. That's just me though.Leave the chick, hook up with a girl who works at Dairy Queen.Hope this helps.
I lol'ed.
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Dear GK,Forget discounted condoms (He can get them for free online, btw). He needs to learn that milkshakes DON'T bring all the boys to yard. I'd teach him this, but I'd have to charge. Also, he probably needs to have a prostate exam. That's just me though.Leave the chick, hook up with a girl who works at Dairy Queen.Hope this helps.
Thank you so much. I'll be sure to let him know.
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Dear Troy,I think you should do a re-enactment, and put it on Youtube.This nothing to be embarrassed about. You are just preparing the lovely couple for the bounds of matrimony. If they can't handle someone farting at their wedding, they're pussies and shouldn't get married to each other.If the wedding was called off, you did a great civil service, and virgins shall be offered up to you.If the wedding wasn't called off, then obviously they are supposed to be together, and virgins shall still be offered up to you.Either way, you win.
Dear Hang,I'm still waiting for the virgins. Where are they?
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Dear Hang,I'm still waiting for the virgins. Where are they?
Dear Troy,Funny you should mention that. After I sent you that response, DanielNegreanu sent me a PM stating that he wanted to include a copy of his newest book along with the virgins. We are still waiting for the shipment of books in order to ship your order for 13 virgins. They should arrive shortly sometime before you die.EDIT: I am being held at gunpoint by some guy wearing pantyhose on his head with a bad combover saying to announce that you will receive them shortly. Be patient. Daniel has also promised that this book will be signed by him using a mixture of his blood and semen.For your troubles, we will also send you a mini-replica of Kurt's couch, with a mold of Kurt's middle finger made out of Play-Doh for size reference.
Dear Hang,I have a two part questionWould you have a threesome with Daniel Day Lewis and Javier Bardem (if you were gay or straight)?Would you be the Salami?-gkunit20
Dear gkunit,I cannot be the salami, as I am salami-intolerant. Yes, that's really a medical condition. No, you can't look it up on WebMD.If I have to partake in this, I will be the kaiser.If not, I will hold the camera.
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Dear Hang, If you were gay and single, would you marry me? If you aren't gay, would you do it anyway?If still no, would you go to prom with me?[ ] Yes[ ] No[ ] MaybePlaying with self while waiting for answer

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Dear Hang, If you were gay and single, would you marry me? If you aren't gay, would you do it anyway?If still no, would you go to prom with me?[ ] Yes[ ] No[ ] MaybePlaying with self while waiting for answer
Dear Buckeye,*Examines timestamp on your post*You must be spent right now, right?My work here is done.Anyway, only if I had a sex change...and you paid. I'm cheap like that.But as for prom, there was really only one person I wanted to go to prom with, and I did, so sorry......no it wasn't my mom. Or my dad. Or Suited. Either Suited. Or my sister. Or Flushgarden's mannish sister-in-law.I hope I derailed every possible attack on the above statement.
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Dear Buckeye,*Examines timestamp on your post*You must be spent right now, right?My work here is done.Anyway, only if I had a sex change...and you paid. I'm cheap like that.But as for prom, there was really only one person I wanted to go to prom with, and I did, so sorry......no it wasn't my mom. Or my dad. Or Suited. Either Suited. Or my sister. Or Flushgarden's mannish sister-in-law.I hope I derailed every possible attack on the above statement.
Dear Hang, Prom was great!XOXOXOSee you soon,Troyo
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Dear Hang, I have a problem. I seem to be allergic to alcohol. Whenever I drink, I breakout. Most of the time I breakout teeth and windows. It happens quite often but I seem to enjoy it a lot. What is your solution? Shall I continue to drink beer or move up to straight Jack?Thanks in advance,Buddah

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  • 1 month later...
Dear Hang, Prom was great!XOXOXOSee you soon,Troyo
Dear Troy,I had a good time too. But next time, don't get so grabby when you're going for the garter.Smooches
Dear Hang, I have a problem. I seem to be allergic to alcohol. Whenever I drink, I breakout. Most of the time I breakout teeth and windows. It happens quite often but I seem to enjoy it a lot. What is your solution? Shall I continue to drink beer or move up to straight Jack?Thanks in advance,Buddah
Dear Buddah,I suggest you continue to drink heavily, but instead of being near windows and teeth, be near hookers.They're more easily replaced.
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  • 6 years later...
  • 1 month later...

Dear Corey, why do I have this intense attraction to my bowl of noodles?

 

Dear Adrian,

 

You may think this is where I tell you that you have yellow fever. On the contrary, this is where I tell you that you are gay and dreaming of filling your mouth with limp noodles.

 

The only advice I can give for you is to stop listening to Cher. This may cause these feelings to diminish within a week or two. After that, I will demand that you stop watching Dancing With The Stars. Carlton can't save you.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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