nhlfan 0 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thought this would be an interesting topic. Here's a back story first...A freind of mine's ex brother-in-law (can you keep that straight) used to travel a lot for work. He would find these escorts on the web from one certain website (PM if you want it, it is great). Anyway, he got divorced because he used his credit card for one and his wife caught him. Anywho, we were out drinking (after his divorce)and he was hammered and told us this story...He was going to Chicago on business and was looking for an escort. He always does "incalls", where you go to her place, so he finds one and gives her a call. She has a condo on Lake Shore Drive, 42nd floor, overlooking Lake Michigan. So he sets it up and gets to her building, she buzzes him in and he goes on up. Knocks on the door and she says that it's open, come on in. So he walks in and she's standing there totally naked in front of the window, her hot body, nice fake breasts, background of Lake Michigan, it got him all ready to go. So they hop in bed and mess around a bit, and as he gets ready he gets in her and only goes in like 2 inches. At first he's like, what the heck, maybe she's just dry or tilted wierd or something, so he tries again to no avail. Finally he says, f-it, and goes in the backdoor. So he finished up and takes off. Well, on his way home, he gets to thinking about it and it starts to bother him. So he get's on the internet and does some checking around; and finds out the number one problem with a sex change operation is the depth of the artifical vagina! They just take your junk and turn it inside out, so the length of your flaccid member is going to be the depth of your love tunnel.So, that being said, here are my pros and cons of using an escort....Pro: If you are careful, it's completely annonymous.Con: You could end up paying $300 just to bang some dude in his a$$. Link to post Share on other sites
fryer98 30 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Con: You could end up paying $300 just to bang some dude in his a$$.How is this a con? Link to post Share on other sites
Ouch-8s 4 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thought this would be an interesting topic. Here's a back story first...A freind of mine's ex brother-in-law (can you keep that straight) used to travel a lot for work. He would find these escorts on the web from one certain website (PM if you want it, it is great). Anyway, he got divorced because he used his credit card for one and his wife caught him. Anywho, we were out drinking (after his divorce)and he was hammered and told us this story...He was going to Chicago on business and was looking for an escort. He always does "incalls", where you go to her place, so he finds one and gives her a call. She has a condo on Lake Shore Drive, 42nd floor, overlooking Lake Michigan. So he sets it up and gets to her building, she buzzes him in and he goes on up. Knocks on the door and she says that it's open, come on in. So he walks in and she's standing there totally naked in front of the window, her hot body, nice fake breasts, background of Lake Michigan, it got him all ready to go. So they hop in bed and mess around a bit, and as he gets ready he gets in her and only goes in like 2 inches. At first he's like, what the heck, maybe she's just dry or tilted wierd or something, so he tries again to no avail. Finally he says, f-it, and goes in the backdoor. So he finished up and takes off. Well, on his way home, he gets to thinking about it and it starts to bother him. So he get's on the internet and does some checking around; and finds out the number one problem with a sex change operation is the depth of the artifical vagina! They just take your junk and turn it inside out, so the length of your flaccid member is going to be the depth of your love tunnel.So, that being said, here are my pros and cons of using an escort....Pro: If you are careful, it's completely annonymous.Con: You could end up paying $300 just to bang some dude in his a$.I do not think that word means what you think it means. Link to post Share on other sites
dna4ever 2 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 How is this a con? I do not think that word means what you think it means.DAMMIT!guess i wont be the 3rd person to make this joke Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I'm so sensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
nhlfan 0 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 I do not think that word means what you think it means.I know what it means for me, and THAT'S a HUGE con :-) Link to post Share on other sites
El Guapo 8 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 How is this a con? I do not think that word means what you think it means.I hate you two, but only for beating me to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ouch-8s 4 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I know what it means for me, and THAT'S a HUGE con :-)Don't worry, the shame of paying for it goes away with time.Or so I hear. Link to post Share on other sites
HollywoodAFD 0 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 How is this a con? OK...I laughed so hard I threw up...thanks.Anyone got a free keyboard I can get? Link to post Share on other sites
navybuttons 15 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 sigh...i've already been slammed hard today for bragging.about a year ago after me and my ex broke up, i was sitting and work and somehow ended up searching craigslist for hookers. they have links for pages where guys rate the looks, experience, etc. i found one that seemed to be sweet. i called her up and made an appointment for after i got off work. she was staying in a really shady motel in a bad part of town. she lived with cats and the room was dingy. she was short and heavyset, but was probably like 24 or 25 and if she wasn't a junkie prostitute we'd probably have a lot in common. we had the same sort of style and all that.after the first go of oral, we started talking and she was really sweet. after the second go she was really pleasant and didn't put any pressure on me to leave or pay her extra or anything. we talked about her drug problem and about me and my girlfriend just breaking up. i tipped her extra and we said our goodbyes.pulling out of the parking lot, i thought for sure i was going to feel like shit, but half-way down the street a huge euphoria came over me and i realized it was just what i needed. i haven't regretted it once.pros: sex when you want it. no hang-ups or dance.cons: costs money. possible risk of teh super aids. Link to post Share on other sites
Dogpatch 2 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 You know the best part about man-ass? It feels just like woman-ass.(strike that and reverse it for the sickies)Seriously though, at least he didn't get thrown into a pit and told to put some lotion on. Or get the "Vulgar" treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
HollywoodAFD 0 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 You know the best part about man-ass? It feels just like woman-ass.(strike that and reverse it for the sickies)Seriously though, at least he didn't get thrown into a pit and told to put some lotion on. Or get the "Vulgar" treatment.Oh dear God... Link to post Share on other sites
Denny Crane 0 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 that genius Ron_Mexico posted the stages you go through when getting a hooker in the sick thread. That Ron_Mexico, he's teh nuts Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyJoJo 18 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Fine. if you've never had a hooker, I'll run you through the emotions.Stage 1 - sober, hitting the town to find a lady, for free. All geeked up about it, positive, thinking the world can't stop you tonight. Vagina will be yours, oh yes, it will be yoursStage 2 - after your third blow off from hot/cute chicks, you lower the standards a bit. Another blow off from a mediocre looking chick. Now you're upset, thinking "I just bought that slob a drink and she won't do me? ME? SKANK. What you don't realize until later is that you were pressing, desperate. So, you hit stage 3.Stage 3 - find another mediocre chick. Play it totally cool, she's digging you. Now, here comes the dilemma. You've played it cool, but are having a hard time making the smooth transition to asking for the sex because this pig thinks you are really into her, and she might be offended by your ham handed segue to sex. Of course, being the horny slob you are, you blow it and realize you just bought that whore two drinks and a shot. Now, you're down at $100 bucks on the night. Rationalization starts entering the picture, especially if you're a jew.Stage 4 - heading to the strip club. "Somebody will blow me in a strip club, those girls are easy." So, you enter the strip club, but at this point, you're pretty well bombed and can't control the stupid stuff that comes out of your mouth, so the first girl in a g string that approaches you, you ask her how much a blow job in the back room is. She informs you that she isn't that type of girl. In actuality, she is, but since she's still stripping, in her head, she hasn't made the full transition to whore, therefore, has no urge to be talked to like one. Stage 5 - the drive home. In South Fl, on my drive home, there are at least 5 whack shacks. Now, I'm not sure if you have them where you live, but we do. They advertise in the sports page as "massage parlors" or "lingerie shows" or whatever the pretext de jour might be. In reality, you walk in, they do a line up, you pick the girl, she takes in into a relatively private room, no door, just a curtain, to prevent rape, or something, and $40 goes to the house, and $120 for a beej and $160 for full service. So, like I said, you're on your way home, still horny, and you pass one of these places. You say screw it, I'll just goof around and see a lineup and go home. It'll be funny, you say to yourself. So, you see the lineup and one of these girls happens to be cute. You're surprised and still horny. You pick her, but you say it's just to talk, negotiate her down to $50 bucks and if she agrees, do it, if not, leave with a good story. Now, she gets in the room with you, touches you a little and before she says another word, you give her your debit card and say "charge the full service package please thank you". One thing leads to another, you are at the front desk signing for your $200 bucks, happy as hell that you're about to bang this girl and get head, no muss no fuss.Stage 6 - you have really bad sex because the beej is with a condom and the sex is silly because you are just trying to get off and don't care about this girl, and she's making all the sounds like she's enjoying it. Now, you know she's faking them just so you'll get off quicker, but since you're so analytical, that kind of ruins the experience, because nobody plays you for a fool, NOBODY. Also, you're kind of drunk and your johnson is partially numb from beer pecker. Anyway, you cum, get dressed, happily walk out without any needless chit chat.Stage 7 - go home, get an enjoyable night sleep, mission accomplished, basically. Now, you wake up the next morning, shake off the cobwebs, get a text from a buddy to get breakfast. Walk over, grab your wallet and see the $200 credit card receipt, and the exact thought that comes to mind at that exact minute will be "Why didn't I just go home and jerk off?"Stage 8 - then, if money isn't an object, you'll eventually be like your friends and stop going out to chase the vag, and either go straight to the jerk joint, or become a Craigslist regular. Or so I hear. Link to post Share on other sites
HangukMiguk 8 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 or you can be like me and have strippers bite you. gets your jollies off pretty quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
El Guapo 8 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 So do all ron's sexcapade stories entail beer dick? Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki_N 17 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 She informs you that she isn't that type of girl. In actuality, she is, but since she's still stripping, in her head, she hasn't made the full transition to whore, therefore, has no urge to be talked to like one.This was my favorite part! I never made the full transition to whore. I could have made a lot more money. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki_N 17 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 or you can be like me and have strippers bite you. gets your jollies off pretty quickly.Are you a member of the premature ejaculators club? You people should wear some form of identification. Link to post Share on other sites
hank213 1,823 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Are you a member of the premature ejaculators club? You people should wear some form of identification.Yes we they do: crusty pants. Link to post Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico 4,219 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 This was my favorite part! I never made the full transition to whore. I could have made a lot more money.I wasn't trying to imply that all strippers turn into whores, but as you are well aware, most stip clubs have one girl working that "does the right thing" Link to post Share on other sites
chrozzo 19 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 So do all ron's sexcapade stories entail beer dick?all the good stories do...nad his are all goodThis was my favorite part! I never made the full transition to whore. I could have made a lot more money.well, as they say....its never too late to start Link to post Share on other sites
HangukMiguk 8 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Are you a member of the premature ejaculators club? You people should wear some form of identification.My pocket protector wasn't a foreshadowing?(NOTE: Mine usually occured at the end.) Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I'm so sensitive.and shallow, apparently Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki_N 17 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I wasn't trying to imply that all strippers turn into whores, but as you are well aware, most stip clubs have one girl working that "does the right thing"Oh, you didn't offend me at all, sir. Yes, most clubs have at least one girl that puts out for money outright or on the sly. all the good stories do...nad his are all goodwell, as they say....its never too late to startI'm thinking I won't resort to a career in whoring unless my other prospects are pretty dim. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to command a price that satisfies me. My pocket protector wasn't a foreshadowing?(NOTE: Mine usually occured at the end.)So are you saying you got off from the bj in the club or the lap dance? Link to post Share on other sites
SuitedAces21 2,722 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Dont call my escorts whores. Are you a member of the premature ejaculators club? You people should wear some form of identification.Thats profiling, dammit. We have feelings to, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
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