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What Are Your Bets About What Daniel's "dramatic" Next Blog Is About?


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The word you're looking for is prenuptial. No "m" in there.People say pre-nup, not pre-num.Dane was just being intentionally obtuse.If you ain't no punk holla we want prenupWE WANT PRENUP! YeahIt's something that you need to have'Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
Just she ain't messin with a broke nagger
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Hi. I’ve been a blog reader for about a year now, but am brand new to the forums. This last blog gave me a lot to think about … it led me to question my own marriage, and just seeing the headline still gives me a little ache. Here’s my two cents.It’s hard as hell to split up with a friend. It may be less of a battle and less of a pain in the ass, but at least with an enemy, you’re glad to see them go. A baseball player described a rut as “like a soft couch – easy to get into but hard to get out of.” Splitting up with a friend is the same way. It’s not that things are bad, because they aren’t. It’s just that they could be better. And you go around and around with that, maybe for years. Is “it could be better” my fault? Could it be fixed with more work? Counseling? Is that enough of a reason to break up? Could it really be better at all, or am I being unrealistic? We all imagine the perfect relationship in our minds, and the only person who could live up to that exists only in your mind. You can chase that ideal forever, but real life is about compromise and committing yourself to someone who’s no closer to perfect than you are.My husband and I have been married for eight years and together for nineteen (since I was 18, so we’ve now been together for more than half my life). He is smart, funny, kind, gentle, and my best friend in the world. There is no one I’d rather spend time with, and when we have to drive six hours to his folks’ for holidays, we never bring music for the trip because we always spend it talking (in fact, he said once that he looks forward to those drives for the conversation).What makes our marriage the same kind of friendly emptiness that DN says his marriage was is that my husband has Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s a form of autism (yes, seeing the blog about autism was a little startling). Nearly everything you see nowadays about autism is about kids with autism. People forget that these kids become adults. Most people with autism or Asperger’s (guys, since it’s 96% a male disease) never marry. They don’t interact well enough with other people to be able to, really. But Aspies have really high IQs and often a quirky sense of humor, and although groups are hell, in one-on-one interaction, they’re honest and thoughtful and amazing. I fell in love with him immediately, almost at first sight.Another trait of Asperger’s is that it often coincides with one or more mental illnesses. In fact, when a psychologist sees a patient with a couple of illnesses, especially if they don’t seem connected or to “match up” with each other, he should consider Asperger’s a real possibility. [What I mean by “match up” is that obsessive-compulsive disorder can be a coping method for anxiety, so to see OCD and anxiety together makes some sense. But it does not help lift depression nor does it alter bipolar mood swings, so OCD and depression or bipolar disorder in the same person, especially a guy, may mean that the real underlying issue is Asperger’s.] When my husband was in his late 20s, he became bipolar. Years of misdiagnosis, lost jobs, deep depressions, manic highs, and – no kidding – dozens of different drugs, with all their side effects, followed. One doctor even suggested electroshock. Slowly, I took over all the bills, making sure he ate, all the chores like cleaning and laundry, monitoring his moods, etc. I was more a caretaker than a lover, for a very long time.So here we are, twenty years later. He’s better medicated, and doing well. We’re still best friends. He’s still a wonderful person. But he can only focus on one thing at a time, and whatever that is, he’s absorbed in it for hours, to the point of not wanting to eat or even say hello when I come home from work. Right now it’s virtual world Second Life. Before that it was bulletin boards (not this one). He’s always found dealing with people online far easier than dealing with them in person. Online, he’s open about being an Aspie, even leading forums about it, but no one except his family and I know about it in his real world.Sex is nearly impossible for Aspies. Like people with autism (Asperger’s is just shy of full-blown autism, so it’s considered to be “shadow autism” or on the autism spectrum just below the diagnosis of full autism), Aspies often can’t stand being touched. Sex is extremely difficult for them – not because of any physical problems, but because it’s an overwhelming amount of noise in their head and sensation on their skin. So we don’t have sex. And since he can only be either utterly focused or not at all, most evenings we say barely ten words to each other – we’re not angry or alienated, just living in friendly separateness. We’re like housemates. I am pretty driven – right now I’m writing one book with a follow-up on the way behind it, after having been heard by an editor doing an NPR commentary that I did early this year. I have plans to raise money for a PBS production and some other stuff. The most heartbreaking thing is that he sometimes says, “I know I’m holding you back. You could go so far if you didn’t have me to take care of.”What Daniel said about knowing there’s something missing and living single lives as friends was what struck so close to home. I could probably have passionate love. I could work on my projects and dream up new ones. Maybe I could even be the one taken care of sometimes. But Daniel and Lori are both healthy people who can live on their own. How could I ever put my happiness above my husband’s very ability to cope with day-to-day existence? I can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.But at the same time, I question whether maybe I just don’t have the courage to say, “I know there’s better out there for me, and I want it,” like DN did. Maybe I’m here because I know he needs me, but also because I don’t have the courage (or the spirit of a gambler) to be elsewhere, to reach out for something better and find that it isn’t out there.That’s where I’ve been for years, although I’m usually able to not think about it too much. Seeing the blog really brought it front and center for me, for days on end. From where I’m at, I think they made the right decision for them, and I wish them both all the best. When you find that true, soulmate love, you’ll know it was the right decision. And lastly, a bit of advice: I have always believed that true love is when you are with someone and you think of a word … it isn’t “passion,” it isn’t “sex,” it isn’t even “love” or “forever.” True love is “home.” It’s when you know that a part of you that you never knew was missing has found its way home.

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In a completely different vein from my last post, I was greatly amused by the gay direction this discussion took. Judging by the jiggling boobs and Sasha Cohen sig files, I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that most of you are male. Since women have better gaydar than men (we like guys, so we know when someone else likes guys), I’ll give you a couple of pointers.First, it’s easy to say this in hindsight, but I did have divorce figured as the blog topic before it was posted. The obvious clue was in the vlogs. The wedding ring was on, then it was off, then on, then off for several months, then on again consistently for the last few weeks. That last “on again” means one of two things: either that there’s a total reconciliation and all problems are in the past; or that there’s been a final decision to split and that problems are in the past because the marriage itself is. Wearing the ring is a way to process the last feelings of nostalgia, remembering the good times, dealing with the regret. When the teaser said “good news / bad news,” that clinched it.But on to the far more important topic: homosexuality!Why didn’t anyone post the big one?Listening to Enya = oh so gayActually, my gay friends don’t listen to Enya, so that’s a whole ‘nother orientation worth of pathetic.Now, I have this theory about liberal guys and sexuality. Culture has crudely caught up to me with the concept of the metrosexual, but that’s too limited. Metros are the far end of overly meticulous guys. But between metros and the hard-drinkin’, hard-fartin’ good old boys in pickups, there’s a wide range. My theory is that politically liberal guys are the ultimate horndogs. Sly about it, but way more successful than conservative guys. So guys who seem a little “gay” are probably the ones getting the most action, and if you want a little lovin’, you need to bust out the earrings and the animal-rights talk, too. Here are some examples:Fat kid in band while growing up = gayEmotional and quick to hold hands with anyone with a sob story = gayAgrees with feminism = gayPlays a non-drum musical instrument = gayDoesn’t play sports or follow them = gayMarried to a strong woman = gayBill Clinton = liberal Horndog-in-ChiefAnother example:Only sports liked were polo, tennis, and swimming = gayMarried to a strong woman who might have been a closet lesbian = gayAgreed to a sexless marriage with above-mentioned wife = gayRich but deeply sympathetic to the working class = gaySocialist leanings = gayFDR = under-the-radar liberal horndog [four mistresses that we know of, and probably a few more we don’t – for a guy in a wheelchair, that’s doing all right]A really good one:Radically liberal = gayFrench food and wine snob = gayEurophile = gaySpoke several languages such as French, Latin, and Greek = gayDesigned and decorated his own home = gayRead and wrote books extensively = gayWidowed young and never re-married = gayUnrequited love for a married woman = gayThomas Jefferson = the ultimate liberal horndog for banging Sally HemingsAnd here’s an example from the other side:Shoots guns = machoConservative = machoIf you’re poor, it’s your own damn fault = machoFrom Wyoming = machoTells a sitting Senator to go f*** himself = machoMilitary contractor = machoClaims to love the military (but never actually served in it) = muy machoDick Cheney = hasn’t gotten into Lynne’s tighty-whities since he spawned that gay daughter-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Listen, this is going to be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterward, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left!"--Futurama

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I promise not to be so yappety-yap in the future. Really.
After the first post, I thought this person is really pouring their heart out, or this is one of the funniest joke accounts ever.After the 2nd post, I would say "one of the funniest joke accounts ever" nh.By the way, I would say this personal info on your profile is classic:InterestsBuddhism, NASCAR, Shakespeare, _Futurama_, and poker. No kidding. Someday I plan to corner the market on freaky unrelated interests, and then I'll take over the world.
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Nope, it's all legitimately, weirdly me. In fact, in NPR's website archives you can find the commentary I did, which covers many of my interests. It was called "Earnhardt: For One Fan, the Teacher Appears." That alludes to a Buddhist saying: "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." [i had called the essay "How Dale Earnhardt Made Me a Better Buddhist."] At the very end, when they do what they call the "back-announce," or giving my name and a little information about me, they note that I work for a Shakespeare theatre. There you have it. In the first post, I was pouring my heart out. In the second one, I was joking. I can bounce back and forth pretty quickly.

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Nope, it's all legitimately, weirdly me. In fact, in NPR's website archives you can find the commentary I did, which covers many of my interests. It was called "Earnhardt: For One Fan, the Teacher Appears." That alludes to a Buddhist saying: "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." [i had called the essay "How Dale Earnhardt Made Me a Better Buddhist."] At the very end, when they do what they call the "back-announce," or giving my name and a little information about me, they note that I work for a Shakespeare theatre. There you have it. In the first post, I was pouring my heart out. In the second one, I was joking. I can bounce back and forth pretty quickly.
:club: ....... me too.
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You know, all that was missing from your story, and I am giving it only a 9.9 for this, and not a perfect 10, is if you had said that your husband had been recently caught buying someone elses account late in an online tourney.OMG though, I am literally sitting on the biffy Laughing OUT loud at your wit. My wife and kids think I am deranged now with the sounds coming from the bathroom.

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You know, all that was missing from your story, and I am giving it only a 9.9 for this, and not a perfect 10, is if you had said that your husband had been recently caught buying someone elses account late in an online tourney.OMG though, I am literally sitting on the biffy Laughing OUT loud at your wit. My wife and kids think I am deranged now with the sounds coming from the bathroom.
Laughing at the second one, I hope. The first one's no joke ... he is on the autism spectrum, and it's a struggle. I don't talk about it much at all, but I guess some things had just been weighing on me for a while, and I needed to say them out loud.If it's the second you're laughing at, cool, but from one over-sharer to another, the mental image you offered was just a tad more than I needed!Just tell them you were looking at porn. I neglected to mention in my interests lists that I love porn shops. The gay friends I mentioned and I have a contest: we go into porn shops and try to find the most outrageous video title we can. If you want to win a contest like this, you gotta go straight to the fetish section. My friend Andrew has the current champion: Midget Madness 17....Because 16 just wasn't enough?
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Well you got me to read this thread Speedzo which is an half hour of my life I'll never get back. But still was pretty informative overall. I hadn't really gotten into the divorce thing. I am a Christian and I believe that every Christian who divorces knows what the Bible says about it. Just like every Christian who lies, cheats, steals, envies, desires his/her's neighbor's spouse etc knows what the Bible says about that. We're not perfect people, just forgiven and saved by grace. The more conservative members of the Christian faith need to remember that. And they also need to know that a person's personal relationship with God is just that, personal. And you don't need to listen in.

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Well you got me to read this thread Speedzo which is an half hour of my life I'll never get back. But still was pretty informative overall. I hadn't really gotten into the divorce thing. I am a Christian and I believe that every Christian who divorces knows what the Bible says about it. Just like every Christian who lies, cheats, steals, envies, desires his/her's neighbor's spouse etc knows what the Bible says about that. We're not perfect people, just forgiven and saved by grace. The more conservative members of the Christian faith need to remember that. And they also need to know that a person's personal relationship with God is just that, personal. And you don't need to listen in.
I think Bible thumping Christians are the ones that are less like Christ than they realize. Although ultimately I don't really see the point in Christianity beyond keeping people under control and making them only do a fraction of the bad stuff they normally would because of that pesky Christian conscience thing. DN's that kind of Christian, the kind that claims God and praises his name, but gambles, drinks, gets diverced in the blink of an eye, & doesn't go to church regularly. Nothing wrong with that in my book. He's not a saint, but he's not the devil either. Maybe if he didn't have those beliefs he'd be a self-destructive Stu Ungar type. I'm interested to see what happens with his Christian beliefs. He is the most successful poker player of all time after all, maybe he'll go on a radical Christian bent like the (arguably) best bhess player of all time, Bobby Fischer, lol. Hopefully not though.
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