Bearded in Absentia

Yes. This was funny. I was just embarrassed that it was so easy.So I just got back from the bar. I was at the bar with Maggie. Maggie and me. I let her beat me at pool. [deleted]

I am clean-shaven and sad about it.

Here is his card for the last two nights:SNF:Giants-3.5 @ Bears (-110) 500Giants/Bears OVER 44 (-115) 500Parlay: Giants, OVER (+255) 500Teaser: Giants+2.5, OVER 38 (-110) 500MNF:Patriots @ Dolphins-1 (-105) 500Patriots/Dolphins OVER 48 (-110) 500Parlay: Dolphins/OVER (+260) 500Teaser: Dolphins+5, Over 41 (-110) 500

The biggest reason? If you play online or with a casino, you have to pay for everything up front. My clients don't have to keep a positive balance, which allows them to keep significantly more money freed up as opposed to hanging out at Bodog or The Greek. A) Yes. Many of my players would have no idea how to go about getting posted up online.B) Older players, sure.C) Also yes.D) Playing with a local has to be waaaaay less convenient, excepting the points I've already made.E) No. Answer: More than 105,000. Yeah...

Higher So far this year, my NFL/NCAAF combined margins are 7.15%. I'm running above expectation, but probably not more than .5% or so.

Yeah, I confirmed it this weekend with Big. Last year, I gave Big a handful of different pricing schemes. Basically, I had him divy his clients up into a few basic groups, a kind of player profiling, if you will. Different clients get different lines, based on their profiles. The Kid, given his unpredictable selection of sides, was in the Game Theoretically Unbeatable Lines group. "Take the Pinnacle line, add 6 cents to the price, and go." In theory, only a legitimate sharp would be able to beat the lines Big was dealing to his unexploitable clients. The Pinny prices are almost always p

Now I'm depressed.

When his internship was over, he got a job offer, but on advice from his consigliere, who found out they were lowballing him, he turned them down and told them to call back when they wish to get competitive. They... will probably not be calling back, which makes me the worst consigliere ever. And, yeah, he spent about 5 hours a week at the Macadoodles. He sent me a picture last week of himself frowning in front of the liquor store near his place in East Lansing titled: "I Miss One Thing About Arkansas."

Honestly, I've always just assumed that some day -- probably around 2015, when my first marriage falls apart -- that I would take a year of personal time, move to Arkansas, and spend my days doing odd jobs for you -- maybe some bookkeeping, helping out around the office, answering phones, or more likely working as a chauffeur and picking people up from jail -- in order to finance twice-weekly nights on the town so I can finally live the Hunter S. Thompson Gonzo Dream.

Earlier today, right after the Ravens covered, I was kicked out of Hooters and asked never to return. While paying my tab, I discovered I was, to everyone's recollection, the first person to be perma-banned without drinking or harassing a waitress. At one point, there was this exchange:Wang: "Inappropriate language? This is a bar."Manager: "It's a Sunday afternoon. There are children here."Wang: "You're kicking me out because this guy" [points to a nearby white-trash dad with two kids under the age of 13 at his table] "wants to ogle girls half his age?"Manager: "Sir, I'm just asking you-"Wa

I... cannot believe I missed this. I am going to spend the rest of the day trying to get my employees to call me "Skulltown." I think I can get that to catch on if I really try. "Yo what up Skulltown?"

I hate everything about you.

Please give us a list of other names you do not wish to be called. It should be comprehensive, and sorted in descending order of: likelihood of pissing you off.In a totally different vein, what happens when you get pissed off? Do you say mean things? Like really mean stuff about people that is even meaner than the stuff they said about you? I'm just wondering what follows the implied "or else..." in your warning/threat. I am Bearded in Absentia. My real name is Erik, but I prefer to be called Bia.

Are these "in addition to" or "instead of?" Perhaps, if I buy new curtains, I can leave out Simpsons DVDs? Maybe just Season 6?

Like... what stuff? What other kind of stuff is there? I know liquor. I know ribbed "for her" condoms. I know to make sure Simpsons DVDs are put away. Stuff?

1) I contend that the women I date are simply less photogenic than their totally banging looks would otherwise imply. I contend that so hard.2) It's not so much that she hasn't mentioned it to me, but that she made a point of telling Jenny. That is... troubling. 3) I spent about 30 seconds trying to figure out if I could avoid highlighting the typo. When I didn't like those options, I then considered just fixing it, but that seemed somehow tawdry. Testing. Testing for sure. Testing is normal, I think, and will give me a full supply of righteously indignant political capital that I can use

1) You know, the more I look at her, the less hot she appears. Though this is pretty much totally irrelevant, since she's attractive and I like her. 2) "Fixated" is a strong word. We're friends, and we have a pretty good relationship, albeit with some confusing undertones. It's not that weird that I'm not great at being friends with an ex-girlfriend, is it? Or that I want to be friends with my ex-girlfriend?3) I... had not thought of this. Thank you for ruining the next 24-48 hours of my life.

Two quick follow-ups:1) I asked Jenny to make me a CD of her favorite songs. I just popped it into my computer, and most of it was predictable, except the final track, which was the Talking Heads "Once in a Lifetime." That's an odd choice, right? 2) There was also this little nugget that I couldn't work into the original dialogue, as "stuff" was such a solid stopping point. Jenny: "Sucks about Maggie's boyfriend, huh?"Wang: "Yeah. Sure. Wait, what?"Jenny: "What do you think? Is she going to move with him? I think she's going to move with him."Wang: "Yeah. Wait, what?"So apparently Maggi

Conversation:Wang: "Miss, if you give the check to her, I'm just going to wrestle it away, and then tip you two dollars less than I otherwise would have. So give it here, please."[confused waitress gives Wang check]Wang: [to waitress] "I thank you."Wang: [to Jenny] "**** you. I win. Eat it."Jenny: "Oh whaaaaatever. Fine. Maggie and I talked about this..."Wang: [rattled] "Uhhhhh" [recovers] "About how awesome I am? At winning? And thoroughly dominating?"Jenny: "She said in two years she has still never gotten away with paying for anything. She told me about the Irish Car Bomb incident."

I think the only other time somebody from here has talked to a woman-friend of mine was years ago, when Lolli, for whatever fucking reason, sent me an IM and got a girl I was kind of hooking up with, instead. I just remembered that. Weird.

1) I have heard the "Forget You" version. I don't think it hurts the chorus that much at all. They even handle the "Oh shit she's a gold digga/Just thought you should know, nigga" part really well. The only thing about the radio-edit that bothers me is the "ain't that some shit" line turns into "ain't that some shhhh," and I think it sounds lame. Apart from that, it translates just fine.2) I was having a bad day, so when I told Jenny to come over that night, I said there was only one thing that could cheer me up. She arrived with a bottle of wine and some kind of absurdly tight shirt, ass

Last night around 1:30 I was hanging out with Jenny, watching TV. Of course, since I'm always on my computer, I was on my computer. I saw Guapamole and sent him a link to , Cee-Lo's "Fuck You." I figured he would appreciate, because he is black. We began swapping links from our youth -- I believe I started it with a C+C Music Factory song -- and the last link I sent him before running to the corner store to buy a pack of Parliament Lights was . The only reason I thought of that song in the first place was because I made Jenny watch Transformers with me a little while back. (This is becau

We forget, sometimes, that we might not be able to say tomorrow what we can say today. It's intricately human, this inability to recognize our limitations, to see ourselves as indefatigable, immortal. It's a stroke of good fortune to be struck from nowhere, lucid for just a moment, even if it means we are forced to stare down the fleeting, fragile framework on which we stand. An inspiration is what you are to meInspiration, look: see:Thanks to you it will be doneFor you to me are the only oneHappiness: no more be sad Happiness: I'm gladIf the sun refused to shine...

Sure. And because it was a mind puzzle. An awesome mind puzzle!