Galactic Ray Jetworn
-
Content Count
16 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Calendar
Posts posted by Galactic Ray Jetworn
-
-
Hmm...
-
-
Bad Movie IdeaThe location is a small nameless country. We are shown people making the worst decision possible at every point of the day. The movie could start with a montage of such moments. A man comes to a crosswalk and sees the red light with speeding traffic in each direction. He, of course, crosses the street miraculously unharmed. A stunningly beautiful woman gives her phone number to a disgusting, poor slob. The slob throws it away. Just people making horrible decisions all the time. Then we meet our hero. He is at work and stumbles upon a fund of $30 million that he could easily claim as his own with nobody knowing. He tells his boss that the money rightfully belongs to the company since he found it in the office. His boss fires him. With security watching him, he takes the money. Security lets him go.Now, his way of life dictates that he go blow that money as needlessly as possible, but he has an epiphany. He wonders why he must live this way and he starts stuffing envelopes full of money into everyone’s mailboxes. The people, of course, do not accept the money and leave it sitting there. The police get wind of his doings and set out to arrest him.Meanwhile, the rightful owners of the money (a criminal organization obviously) enter the country in an attempt to get their money back. Here is where a chase scene would go where the criminals are constantly thwarted because they expect the police to make logical choices, but they do not.Through some extraordinarily insightful plot device, the hero and the criminals end up in a court of law and the judge must decide who should get the money.The judge gives a thoughtful monologue about the choices we make and the consequences we must live with and he talks about the founding father of the country, Mr. Epherzakian, or “E” for short. He was a great man who challenged people’s perceptions and forced them out of their bad habits. He was a good man, a man of the people. “Good ol’ Murph” people would say; there’s a real leader. “And that,” the judge says, “is why we follow the law he established for us….Murph E.’s Law.”
-
I’ve been touring the country for years, entertaining people like nobody’s business. It’s been a long, arduous journey, but I’ve learned things along the way, things which I think it’s time I shared. Wanna see what I got, OK? Haha, right, let’s do this then.Usually I start my set with a killer joke, the following never fails to disappoint.“I think I’d like to be a nomad! Hahhaaha, why? That way I’d never be mad again. Llooll!!! Hey, Galactic Ray the nomad, are you mad?? I’m NO MAD! Haha”Then I follow up with my egg joke. I re-enact a typical scene in a grocery store. I play both the consumer and the guy working at the grocery store. Consumer: “Hmm, eggs, I wonder if white eggs taste different from brown eggs?”Guy working at grocery store, looking at audience super exasperated: “Not this question again!”Hahaha, if the audience isn’t laughing it’s because they’re a group of mentally retarded people from the home down the street.Once you have the crowd warmed up, you can try some “risky” material. One of my favorite inappropriate jokes is the one about a fat person.Hey, look there’s a fat guy sitting at the back of the roomWait for everybody to turn around.JUST JOKING!Hahahaah. Made them look.Now, if you’re in a city, there’s bound to be a lot of traffic on the highways. So, a standard joke you can make is “Hey, I’ve noticed here in Detroit, there are only two seasons, winter, and construction season!” That joke is so old though, I like to add my own special twist.“Hey, Detroit, I’ve noticed you have two seasons. Construction season and *ahem*, CONSTRUCTION SEASON! LOOOOOLLO. So much construction, that’s all it ever is!” Edgy I know, but sometimes a comedian has to hold up a mirror to the world, and if the world doesn’t like what it sees, hey, not my problem. I’m just telling it like it is.When I have them rolling in the aisles, I usually like to do something I call the “invite a lady up on stage and cop a feel” bit. That’s where I invite a lady up on stage and , you guessed it, totally cop a feel. HIGH FIVE!
-
Sometimes it can't be helped.18. Never publicly dangle a participle or misplace a modifier: WRITE: "Showing unmistakable signs of stupidity, the student did not persuade his professor;" NOT: "The student did not persuade his professor, showing unmistakable signs of stupidity." -
Zounds! The Dangling Modifiers are afoot!you ate your inlaws? that explains the "used to have" part, i guess. -
OSU can't spell in national title games? What an odd affliction.Could this be another case of the Dangling Modifiers?Kind of like your spelling, or OSU's in national title games. -
The Dangling Modifiers strike again!because he has lots of time to read it all? -
When you can modify people's thoughts, hiding in plain sight is not a problem. Take this last scene for example. When the villains and gangsters search the warehouse they will see the Dangling Modifiers, but how will they alert their bosses? Why they would call out to them, of course. But here is how it would go:Mob thug: "After searching the warehouse for enemies, the Dangling Modifiers hang from the ceiling."Mob Boss: "I know they hang from the ceiling when they wish to wreck our plans! Do you see them now?"Mob thug: "Having considered the Dangling Modifiers' position, fleeing is the best course of action."Mob Boss: "You're saying they left? They must've seen these piles of weapons we brought."Then they proceed to go about their business, not realizing that the Mob thug was actually trying to warn them. Those tricky Modifiers!If that doesn't work, then I'll just use CGI to write myself out of that corner. I'm picturing something like in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indiana thinks there is no bridge across the gaping chasm, but in fact there is a bridge! It was just an optical illusion! But instead of a rock bridge it will be the Dangling Modifiers that blend in with their surroundings.I haven't figured out how that works yet, but CGI is getting better and better these days.Are the Dangling Modifiers pigeons, or good at hiding? -
Dangling Modifiers Mania is sweeping the nation! Thank you for all the kind words. At least, I think they were kind words.
As a reward for your overwhelming support, here is another scene from the movie. Or the next SNL skit, if that is the direction that will give me the most fame and fortune. And paparazzi. I don't really like paparazzi, but I do like the idea of running over some toes. That seems like fun.And away we go...Setting: An abandoned warehouse.Three large men with large guns take a step into the warehouse. They quickly survey the area and then their gaze slowly moves upwards. The camera pans up, until at last it is revealed: this warehouse has a ceiling! Their eyes dart to and fro, but nothing is seen but some old hanging lights and the occasional pigeon. Their minds put at ease, they wave the others in.Two large groups of men enter the warehouse, the leader of each group carrying a briefcase and surrounded by men with guns. The two leaders set their cases down on a table.Super Villain: “Shall we get down to business?”Mob Boss: “Please. I have been carrying around this merchandise all day and it is very hot.”Super Villain (quickly pulling his gun out): “What did you just say?”Mob Boss: “What? What did I say?”Thug Villain: “Were you saying that you were hot due to this unseasonably warm weather or were you saying the product itself is “hot,” which we all understand to be a euphemism for illegal?”Mob Boss: “I am hot and the product is hot! In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not in some high-rise office building with leggy secretaries and stuffy lawyers writing ten pages of disclaimers. We know the business we are in!”Super Villain: “Please forgive us. Having been thwarted one too many times, the Dangling Modifiers are not to be taken lightly.”Mob Boss: “Certainly you can thwart them one more time if they show up.”Super Villain: “What? No, that’s not what I mean…”(Aside)Mob Thug: “You guys are very serious about you’re grammar.”Thug Villain: “Your grammar.”Mob Thug: “What?”Thug Villain: “You clearly said “you’re grammar,” which would be like saying “you guys are very serious about you are grammar.” That just doesn’t make any sense. It should be, “you guys are very serious about your grammar.” Thug Villain 2: “To be fair, its not anyone’s grammar. Grammar belongs to everyone.”Thug Villain: “It’s not anyone’s grammar.”Mob Thug: “Bloody hell.”Everyone lowers their guns.Super Villain: “Now that everything is lowered, let’s see the product.”Mob Boss: “We agreed on ten million dollars for all of the Sinister Canisters! That is non-negotiable! These canisters contain enough deadly toxins to put the entire city under your control. If you don’t like it, there are plenty others who will gladly take your place!”Super Villain: “Nobody said otherwise, old man. Come on, let’s see it.”Mob Boss: “My apologies, I misunderstood. Having been kept in the dark for so long, these Sinister Canisters have been a source of much stress.”Super Villain: “You keep it in the dark? Does that preserve the purity of the product?”Mob Boss: “Always with the sarcasm, I do not appreciate this funny business.”Super Villain: “Are you accusing me of funny business?! Listen, old man, we had a deal and if you start with the insults again, we’ll end it.”Mob Boss: “Thank you for ending the insults. Apology accepted.”Super Villain: “Nobody is apologizing to you; it is you who should be apologizing to me!”Mob Boss: “Everybody calm down. These deals have a way of escalating out of control and I do not wish any blood on these fine clothes, yours or mine.”Super Villain: “You’re right. And thank you, I try to dress well.”Mob Boss: “I was talking about your blood, not your clothes.”Super Villain: “Nobody will be spilling my blood tonight!”Super Villain pulls out his gun. Both groups follow suit and pull out their guns.Mob Boss: “Wait! Just wait! It’s the Dangling Modifiers! Their controlling our thoughts and turning us against each other!” Thug Villain: “They’re controlling our thoughts.”Mob Thug: “Enough!”Mob Thug fires at Thug Villain. After the first shot goes off, everyone else opens fire and all but Super Villain die in a hail of gun fire. Super Villain is mortally wounded, however, and as he attempts to crawl out of the warehouse, the Dangling Modifiers drop from the ceiling. The sound of sirens grows louder. The Dangling Modifier Leader stands next to the fallen Super Villain and looks down at him.Dangling Modifier Leader: “After being shot seven times, the ambulance will be of no use to you by the time it arrives.”End scene -
Please try to keep up. You see, the Dangling Modifiers can modify people's thoughts (but only while dangling). By controlling Spinoza's mind, they have wreaked havoc on the gangsters' conversation, turning them against each other.Confusion is their weapon!Unless Fratelli is secretly a member of the Dangling Modifiers, I don't get it.Wait...spoiler alert? -
The buzz around the country is palpable! People need more Dangling Modifiers!Thank you, FCP, for showing such restraint in your excitement. I worried that the anticipation might prove too much resulting in calamitous catastrophes. You might think that’s redundant, but no, I assure you the danger is very real. Since you have proven yourselves capable of such exhilaration, I will now share with you a scene from the Dangling Modifiers movie.The scene opens in a darkened, misty alley. The only illumination is from streetlights at the ends of the alley. Two men in overcoats enter the alleyway simultaneously from opposite ends, and meet in the middle. They're both wearing fedoras, looking like typical gangster caricatures.Gangster 1: "Mr. Spinoza."Gangster 2: (tips cap) "Mr. Fratelli."Fratelli: "Any news?"Spinoza: "None. Let's make this quick. Having eaten an early dinner, my couch and television are waiting for me at home."Fratelli: "You're... feeding your television? Dammit Spinoza!"Spinoza: "I'm doing no such thing. I'm simply mentioning that after eating a wonderful meal prepared by my wife, my television is waiting for me to unwind, on ESPN."Fratelli: "Your wife is feeding your television? And what are you doing on ESPN, Spinoza? I thought I emphasized the need for DISCRETION in this matter? DAMMIT SPINOZA!"Spinoza: "...."Fratelli: "Well, at least answer me this: were you followed?"Spinoza: "Upon leaving my house and walking 4 blocks, our... mutual enemies... were nowhere to be found."Fratelli: "Good Lord, Spinoza. The Dangling Modifiers!"Spinoza: "More grammar lessons, Fratelli? Having tired of your ceaseless chatter, our enemies are not here. Be assured."Fratelli: "No, Spinoza. Tell me: What were the Dangling Modifiers doing in your home? I fear the confusion and havoc they wreak when we meet in public, but are the Modifiers Dangling in your home, as well? How do they know ANYTHING of my chatter? Answer me Spinoza, and be very, very careful how you respond."Spinoza: "While considering your words and thinly veiled threats, law enforcement is nowhere nearby."Fratelli: "Spinoza, you rat! Now you tell me the Fuzz is listening in? Someone's wearing a WIRE?! YOU?!"Spinoza: "A wire? Given this new information, our enemies are sure to capitalize."Fratelli: (unholsters his gun in a rage, cocks the hammer, and holds it to Spinoza's forehead) "And you're handing it over to our enemies, you traitor? Give me one reason I shouldn't blow your brains out here and now!"Spinoza: (eyes bulging, sweat dripping down his forehead, jaw set with determination) (speaks slowly, and with obvious difficulty and effort) "Considering our current situation, the Dangling Modifiers must be-"(Fratelli, in a rage, pulls the trigger. Spinoza slumps to the ground. Fratelli wipes the prints from his gun, drops it, and quickly leaves the scene of the crime.)(Moments later, two men drop from the light posts at opposite ends of the alley, and converge over Spinoza's motionless corpse)Dangling Modifier: "Having finished our day's work, a delicious sea bass is our reward."Dangling Modifier 2: "Plump, juicy, and tasting less fishy than most, our wives will surely be glad to see us."
-
Lawyer: "Objection!"Judge: "On what grounds?"Lawyer: "A case of Brown v. U.S. would set precedence."Judge: "A case like that might set precedence, but we deal with specific cases in this court room."Lawyer (to his assistant): "Go to an office and get a book about patents."Assistant (returning with eight different books about patents): "You weren't clear about which book!"now write me one for indefinite articles. possibly a law drama. -
Thank you for your condolences. In fact, the journey was both more arduous and more effortless than you understand. For you see, I visited many a forum, not solely this one, to share my story. (Remember, this is a marketing campaign.) But while traveling to forums far and wide I was actually able to do so from the comfort of my own home. There is this magical invention called the "world wide web" in which I can visit all of these places in no time at all!You came all the way to a off topic forum on a poker website to post that?Wow.Sorry to hear that.
Indeed now is the time to strike!By strike, I mean, of course, to strike at the hearts and minds of Hollywood with this phenomenal idea and to hit them with it while they are still vulnerable.Opportunity is knocking and I intend to answer and answer with vigor.A true Hollywood writer would be boycotting all forms of writing to honor the strike -
Hello everyone. I go by the nom de plume of Galactic Ray Jetworn. I love science fiction and superheroes and my dream is to make it in Hollywood writing movie scripts. I believe I have some truly unique ideas for the genre and I’d like to know what you think.My first script will probably be a superhero movie where the heroes have this ability to hang upside down from ceilings or trees. Many a time throughout this film we will see a shot of two or more people discussing their plans for evil. They will either be a.) in a room with a ceiling, or b.) in a forest (with trees). Then, as the camera zooms out a fantastic surprise awaits the viewer! For you see, the superheroes that I previously mentioned were hanging there the whole time, upside down, and at a height slightly above eye level, but still well within earshot of the conversation. Now, this would be a boring movie if it weren't for the fact that these three "dangling" heroes have the ability to alter people’s thoughts. Or, ahem, to "modify" their thoughts? Yes. But only whilst dangling. They are the Dangling Modifiers. This is so funny and exciting simultaneously.Now, I have a couple of scenes written already, but following movie tradition, I will not share these with you yet. First, I will share with you a preview of the movie. After sufficient buzz has been created, the first scene will be leaked. Then, as the audience clamors for more, a second scene will make its way to the public eye. I believe this is called a viral marketing campaign. Ok, without further ado, The Dangling Modifiers teaser trailer…The following preview has been approved for all audiences.Narrator: “In a world where crime is order…”Scene: Montage of various gangsters and villains ruthlessly controlling the streets. Guns firing, a strange toxin being created, innocent people on the streets powerless to do anything as they watch in fear.“Three men will attempt to turn the establishment…”Scene: Shot of the three superheroes in uniform, standing next to each, arms folded defiantly across their chests. The music and sound then goes silent.“Upside down.”Scene: The shot of the three superheroes standing begins to rotate clockwise while the camera slowly pulls out revealing they weren’t standing at all, they were hanging by their feet from the ceiling. Fast paced music kicks in at the final reveal.“This Friday, let three superheroes modify…”Scene: Various shots of the villains being thrown into a state of confusion, their eyes looking everywhere, guns being pointed at each other interspersed with various shots of the superheroes hanging from different locales.“The way you think about how things should be…”Scene: Various shots of the superheroes in action, taking advantage of the villains' bewilderment.“And let confusion be the new order.”Scene: Shot of the three superheroes in their base. One says, “The Dangling Modifiers will end the ways of the crime syndicate.” Another replies, “Violent, unjust, and destroying the world, we are the answer.” The third superhero looks at them both and raises one eyebrow.“Opens this Friday at a theater near you.”Scene: Shot of title screen: The Dangling Modifiers.Thank you in advance.
Fpp's
in General
Posted