Tactical Bear

5 Important Childhood Archetypes the Movies Overlooked (Robert Brockway, 31) August 2011I identify personally with each one of these. The Alien, the Enemy, and the Psychopath, specifically, flashed me back to childhood intensely. I actually WAS The Enemy in most social groups. I remember the first time I met The Psychopath, saw his collection of knives, and thought: "Oh dear God he uses those to CUT LIVING THINGS." And the Alien, that friend with no television, a weirdly religious mother, and no supervision.Anyway, I could write this list with my friends substituted for Brockway's, and the

A while back, JoeyJoJo linked to a Cracked.com article somewhere. I read it, laughed, and felt guilty, because, you see, I had actually purchased an issue of Cracked Magazine in my youth. It was awful. The Cracked.com article, however, was awesome. It was a list! I love lists! How fun!! How silly!!Eventually I realized that Cracked.com bears almost no relation to the defunct magazine, and have been consistently losing hours-long chunks of time since. I recently created a thread in which I hope to call attention to the EpicFail that is Grantland, so I figured I'd balance the negativity by

Dear Bill Simmons:You must learn to say "no."Exhibit 1:Wedded Blitz! Breaking down the August wedding season and the New York TimesQED

Can I ask why you like Grantland? I've done very little in the way of explaining why Grantland sucks, but I promise I'll get to it eventually. (That's what this thread is for.) A lot of people really, really love Grantland, and I think it is, for the most part, a steaming pile, and I really don't get what people love. I am totally willing to admit that I could be missing something, so I'd like someone to show me what I'm potentially missing, or explain why I'm being unfairly critical. Which brings me to......the second line, above, which is a perfect, four-word summary of exactly why Simmons

Baseball is my favorite sport, and I have had Deezy on my fantasy team since 2009. In terms of subject matter, I actually care a great deal about the rationale behind the decision to leave Desmond Jennings in AAA for so long.Even so: I find the exchange to be useless and retardedEDIT: Also: gay

Bill Simmons: I think he sucks.http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...howtopic=145549

I'm on record as being a bit of a Simmons hater, and extremely anti-Grantland. I was just about to post something in the only Music thread I read ("What Music Are Guys Listening To?"), and decided to move it here, instead. Because, you know: more appropriate.I really, really hate Grantland. Most of it is useless or poorly-written; all of it could use a real editor. Here's an example from today:http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle...esmond-jenningsThis is an email exchange between Jonah Keri and Bill Simmons, posted on ESPN.com's front page. Somebody, anybody, argue thata) Simmons ma

I had a dream last night that was basically just a piece of sketch comedy:The U Fantasy Camp. I have been laughing all day

For some reason, that just fucking slayed me. Explaining why would take several hours, a painfully self-aware deconstruction of the relationship between humor and absurdity, two different British accents, and would be, almost certainly, pointless entirely.EDIT: I'm not sure how this affects my commitment to be the Higgs boson for Halloween this year. Help me out a little, Yorke?

False. I key-jammed and knee-scooted my way through that first hurdle, and all the way to 104 meters.

Argh. Got it.

So I have decided to be the Higgs boson for Halloween. Yorke? Any tips?

Yeah, the "fall on your knees and move .1M at a time by jamming the keys" method?I was so proud...

The first is one of the more underrated pitchers in baseball history, and one of my personal favorites.I thought I knew the Giants, but the guy I'm thinking of played for the New York Giants. For the life of me I can't think of a guy who could have done that for San Francisco.

LOL GOOGLE

I've been thinking about it, and the reason I dislike Simmons -- and I don't hate him nearly as much as I implied a few days ago -- is the same as the reason I hate almost all sports writers (with a few very notable exceptions). Remember his yearly NFL Playoff Betting Manifesto? I don't think I've ever been able to get over that. "YOU BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE. HOW CAN THAT BE?!"

"Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way." (Note: I now wish I'd studied poetry or English in college, because that quote is trochee as a motherfucker.)*****British people are cold. Americans are friendly. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? When Random British PLO player went out to smoke a cigarette, I followed him. After he finished riffing on hold'em players playing PLO, he told me how much he liked America. Wang: "Ironically?"Brit: "No. Really. My wife and I love it here. Everyone, here included, is just... you're so welcoming."Wang: "I don't get it. What's the joke?"Brit: "I hate ever

Brave:You're familiar with Camus, right? You know what he was....? Right?Also: Ron Swanson is, very probably, one of the 10 greatest characters of all time ever in history.

He's a great writer, I think. He's just... he's not a great sportswriter. I had a JoePosnanski vs. BillSimmons argument a few months ago, and when my super-smart, super-awesome best-friend argued that Simmons was better than Poz I lost it. I lost it. Simmons is good. He writes good stuff. He is hilarious. I've been subtly ripping him off for a decade. He's just... he's kind of a slut. He might have journalistic integrity, but it's impossible to see from a distance. I think he's a fantastic writer -- really, like Pulitzer prize quality prose type shit -- but I think he writes really, rea

1) Because, for a long time, I've been annoyed by Bill Simmons. He is kind of... I dunno, he's kinda gay about shit. He's just... don't you ever think, "Stop it, Bill Simmons. Just... just fucking stop it, you slut?" 2) Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy.

No. I'm kind of... I kind of fucking hate Grantland. Summarize it for me?

No. But it's Fugazi and The Wu-Tang Clan? I would have called it something like FU, Tang! or made a pun on Red Medicine (that I'm too lazy to come up with now but I could totally do it). Anyway, should I really listen to this? #2 on my "Should not have slept on me niggggaaaaaa" list was A Rush of Blood to the Head. Parachutes was fantastic, and -- fuck all you guys -- so was A Rush of Blood to the Head. You know what was sweet? "Clocks." You know what else was sweet? The video for "The Scientist." Coldplay rules. It was! I left the Beatles off my list purposefully. I love the Beatles. I

Deadspin: Youth-Baseball Umpire In Missouri Claims Pitcher, Catcher Conspired To Hit Him With A PitchFirst off, the usual caveats with respect to my not posting here anymore, etc.Secondly: We used to do this all the time in Kansas City. My best friend in middle school was originally from Lee's Summit -- where this story takes place -- but he never played baseball. Meanwhile, every school-sponsored team I've ever played on -- starting about 20 minutes from Lee's Summit -- used this play. We were better at it than those guys, sure, but we used it at least once a year. I've been in every one o

I took Paw for Paw's day when he played Comerica Park. It was: shockingly awesome.

Somebody asked me two questions a month ago, and one of them I'm close to answering. The other will haunt me until my death. In no particular order:1) If a genie walked up to you and said, to you, "I can give you a ticket (+1) to see three bands at the peak of their powers. You can pick no famous specific concerts, nor can anyone know you were there. Your answer must be, simply, the name of a band. Who do you pick? If you give me an answer that resembles 'X band in ZZZZ year' you will die of stomach cancer. Pick. Now."2) What album do you most regret sleeping?*****1) Led Zeppelin. The Who. X