TheIceman05

I forgot my MightyLouse password ("Your account has been locked due to excessive password guessing and shiiit and will be unlocked blah blah in 12 minutes!") but I successfully guessed this one before the evil board admin got me.He wanted me to tell everyone he is ok on the off chance anyone was worried. (That seems like a lie. He knew people were worried.) He asked me mention some guys who contacted him but when it became obvious I was acting as his secretary hejust said to say "**** that they know who they are." He is alive and healthy and when I last spoke with him he mentioned how much h

I wanted to make sure I got as many votes in as I could.

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I didn't even quote the entire text of the email. I'm very nonfunctional today. Hey D,I was tooling around today and tried to check your blog and instead wound up at that profile you have online at that poker place. I read this:(insert mean thing I said)(insert rest of body of email)

I can't believe I care, or that I'm defending myself:Text of email received from ex:I am assuming that no other girl friends of yours that happen to be exes have hung out with Jeter, and that you must have been referring to me. I really thought that you were my friend, and considered me to be one of yours, however I can't imagine ever describing someone that I care about as "not being a very terrible person." I'm assuming that since you wrote this in reference to me you really don't give a shit how it made me feel, but I just wanted to let you know that it really hurt and confused me to read t

I bet none of you know who MY joke account is.

Not to mention the racial slurs....Did I mention that he's a violent racist? Just terrible. You should hear him talk about anyone darker-skinned than Powder, not to mention anyone foreign. Seriously, it's gotten pretty bad. He's inventing new racial slurs just to keep up with the sickening amount of venom in his heart. A while back I heard him call a Jewish deli owner an "alfalfa-hoarding sturgeon-lover." I mean, that doesn't even make sense. Then he called Jacques Chirac "Pierre Turgeon's Gay Lover."Intervention time?Ice

I don't think you read the bolded part in the OP. We could chalk this up to a number of things, but based on your decision not to swear ("cock, balls"), I'm going to just assume it's "combination learning disorder and legal blindness."But don't worry. Derek's got a mild learning disorder, and he even lives by himself, now! Back on topic, please?Ice

Seriously. He told me he's decided on "Todd" or "McKenzie."Anybody else have anything mean to say about Derek? It doesn't even have to be true. Example:Once, Derek called me all excited and declared, "A while back I fucked a steer; I tell ya it weren't half bad!"I happen to know he's at the bar (it's 6PM on a Friday), so he won't see this until later tonight, when he comes home splotchy drunk. With a skuuuuzz.Ice

Dude, you're such a Darryl. Do you really brag about how much booze you drink on a poker forum? And LIE about it? I'd lay 3-1 you drank 3/4 of a fifth by midnight, threw up, and had 3 natural lights before passing out. I bet that Gorilla Skuzz Bucket I saw you with on MySpace can drink you under the table.... and then have her hairy freakishly-high-volume way with you. Ice

If that was supposed to be some kinda pun, I'm not happy.Derek can take it, he's a big boy. In classic "Derek List Form" here are a few other things about him that blowa) he talks about his facial hair obsessively. seriously, you don't have to mention that you have a beard every other sentence. congratulations on your shitty mustache. here. eat your cookie in the corner and shut up.B) he hasn't answered his cell phone in like 3 years. if he sees a number he doesn't recognize, he'll never answer because there's like a 90% chance he's drunk, and he's worried some skuzzy girl from last week

These are my favorite...Wang: "Yeah, I dropped a bit of the caish last night. I took a few terrible beats. I got all my money in and had a straight, but he caught a runner-runner boat."What really happened? He called a huge overbet preflop all-in with JJ for some dumbass reason or another when the tightest player at the table moved in from UTG+2, and got buzzed by AA.The flop came down KQT. He spiked the bad third of his six outer on the turn when an Ace slid off, but the board paired on the river, so Wang's hand didn't hold up."Yeah, terrible beat. Ass. You got all your money in bad, hit

"Wait wait wait... people actually listen to Shimmering Wang's poker advice?"Local Monkey sees Lexington Steeele vidclip for first time

I was there. I like how he neglects to point out we were with 2 football players, and Graham Brown was with 3 douchebags, and he STILL almost managed to get his head pounded in by one of the randoms. He was so drunk he couldn't keep his fucking filthy mouth shut, and just kept making the situation worse while the real men (not me) handled the situation. You should have heard him tell the story later that week..."So I grabbed Graham by the collar and I says, I says, you listen up, Graham... if you ever touch her again, I'll make you wish you'd never been born. You hear me? Punk??! Yeah...

"$5.65? A pack?!"

Sucks, you dick.Best part is you probably posted it to show off or something. Worst part is, I'm reasonably certain I know who you're writing that paper for, and that chach isn't going to pay you when it comes back with Bee Minus written in red ink across the top. And if you do manage to squeak out a flat B, he'll suggest paying you with a fifth, and drink half of it himself.Dorkus."Ice"

For the love of CHRIST Kathy Bates: put your top back on.Ice

I am actually very disappointed in my "member No." I feel like I let myself down, somehow. 262 is kinda lame. Then again, I think I'd most definitely be considered a member of the Old Guard. I wish I could just transfer my join-date member no. status to my new improved account. (sigh) Oh well. Now where's Azreal?Ice

Just one. Now when I say, "I know somebody else who... " or "I got a buddy who..." it isn't entirely self-referential (except when it's something about a fat chick and I'm ashamed).I am trying to get pumped for a transition to a new name to avoid all cnofusion, but TheIceman has such a stellar reputation (by "stellar" I mean "horribly embarrassing and unstellar") in the off topic forums that the prospect of starting over is daunting.If someone with <100 posts starts showing up making ridiculous claims and telling stupid stories in every post and utilizing fake-dialogue to the point of dist

I bet you all think Stewie is the funniest character on Family Guy, too.Nutball geezers. The Simpsons was actually funny within a structure. Family Guy relies completely on non sequiturs. It's a funny show, but they take pretty lame routes to get some of their jokes in. Ice

FIFTY? You lads couldn't drink 6 beers in less than 30 minutes in a contested atmosphere? Am I a sicko or something? We had a 5 team contest a while back, and my team took 3rd and finished in 25.... The winners hammered down 6apiece in something like 12-15 minutesThis is the girliest forum I've ever seen... or my Australian friends really ruined me.Ice

GL man,I have done this albeit 10 years ago but throwing in a bottle of water every couple of hours helps alot. BTW for your next trick try a shot of beer every minute for an hour. I've never seen anyone make it. Sounds easy 60 ounces= 5 beers in an hour one shot at a time. I've never made it past 30 min.You must have hung out with pussies. My record is 122, and I didn't even try that hard. Know a kid who made it to 155. We used to do "power hour" before we went out when we were freshman, and "century club" on the weekendsThe real game is to do a shot of beer every minute for an hour, but

I think it's played just fine. I leap at the chance to make it 2-cold back to the SB, and live with the consequences if the MP player 3-bets me with QT or 44. They seem to be the only hands I'm often behind. This is a perfect turn for you, so the raise is good.If the 3h comes off on the turn, it becomes a bit tougher to play. You're not necessarily against a heart draw on the flop, though it's not unlikely in the least. If the action went the same on the turn, I think I'd raise and be able to fold to a 3-bet from SB or MP 3.If they both come along, playing the river could be mighty tough.

His hand rates to be worse than ours, methinks, and we'd like to contest this hand in the HU realm. I think the raise is pretty standard/fineIce

You guys are missing the big one.The play of the season is Oregon -3 vs. Oklahoma. Iceman guaranteeth an Oregon blowout. Trust Iceman on this one.Ice