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Shimmering Wang

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Everything posted by Shimmering Wang

  1. Is there anybody who thinks, or could ever think, it's not? It's about as classically satirical as it gets. I mean, the article titles? And the voice the writers use is just so hilarious and perfect.
  2. I was trolling around a few other articles on that site, and they are absolute gold. I found this quote (from Leviticus!) in an article about Dirty Girls:"You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord.” I have decided, just now, that I am going to follow as many sentences as possible today with identity-confirming proclamations. "You shall not bring chips forward into the pot and then not wager them, unless you first make a verbal declaration of your intentions: I am the Floor.""You shall not dress like that and expect not to get ogled or eventuall
  3. May I suggest clicking the link I posted above?
  4. I'm not sure if I ever posted this, but this is a video taken at my old poker room. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfURGo-TjDI Old black people.
  5. I like the phrase "casket-boner."MK: I'll take a look tonight and get something to you by Sunday afternoon at the latest
  6. Yah but I feel like that pretty much always. If I get a job in an office, I'll just, you know, put in for a transfer. "I know you hired me as an accountant, but I would like to be transferred to, let's say marketing." You have... no idea how much I've missed you. I am giving you a big, no homo man hug right now.
  7. I'm going to be honest about something: I'm no longer terrible with women. If I walk into a social situation, a pretty good percentage of the female population will be interested in me after a few hours. I'm no longer hideously ugly, which helps, but the big thing is: I've got charisma. I've been denying this for a while, and finally, a few weeks ago, I realized that I've been basically lying. The simple truth is, I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself as attractive. Many women think I'm kind of good looking, and they think I'm charming, and they think I'm funny, and, basically, the
  8. I pretty much read everything from late July to present, and this is all I felt like quoting. In my experience, steamroom sex is even more uncomfortable than regular, air-conditioned bedroom sex. I met a girl, Bryn, a few weekends ago at work. I got her number. The next day, my mother sent me a text message asking if I know Bryn. I have been taking circuitous routes, doubling back, running red lights, and changing outfits 5 times a day for the last fortnight. I figure if Shake brought the original back, I might as well, too. Also: I have been learning a little bit about DOS
  9. Mother:Happy Birthday. I am everything I am because of you.*****A generic comment I have heard a million times:“You are so much like your father.”My reaction:{Outward} Haha, yeah. You don’t know how many partial telephone conversations I’ve had that end with ‘Oh, shit, I thought this was your dad.’{Inward} I am smiling because I know that I am my mother’s son’s best impression of his father.*****When we talked last week, you said, “You love me, but you don’t like me, not really.”Well, first of all, of course I love you, mother. No matter how often I say it, I say it too rarely, and I someti
  10. I actually didn't know Garnett wasn't playing when I wrote that. Still seems slightly retarded, but I can understand the line intellectually, now. Celtics are getting just hammered, so even though I'd rather be betting ON the team with the injured star, I'll still probably play the Sixers. With all the money-line action the Spurs are getting, the book probably have a really big position on the Nuggets tonight, so I'm going to be on that game for sure. Again, I'd rather be playing the team on short-rest, but I'm not sure how much the average fan considers the West Coast OT game, followed by
  11. Yeah, I saw that about 4 months ago. They offer consensus data that I use pretty regularly.
  12. Trahan v. Holmes winnerWatson v. Holmes (almost assuredly a) winnerOgilvy v. Weir (almost assuredly a) winnerAll my outrights are dead (Schwartzel, Stewie, Trahan), and I don't think I'm going to have any top-5 sweats unless something crazy happens, so this was a pleasant start to golf-season. My fades blew up early and missed the cut, so my matchups all cash early, and my outrights can't tease me. Huzzah!WangPS- FYI, Holmes -- who I said has been downright dreadful this year -- went off for a 70 and a 76, the latter of which was among the very worst rounds of the tournament
  13. Wait until you guys start playing golf... it's deadly.I'm starting to up my golf action a little bit (mostly because of the opening price on Stewie Cink this week at the FBR Open, which was absurd) for the first time since this Martin Kaymer disaster on the last two holes of the tournament was followed a few hours later by a Sage Rosenfels sighting that led to the following:- A rage/shock induced blackout at work, which forced one of my more empathetic dealers to lead me to the breakroom so he could watch the floor for about an hour while I cried/vomitted.- A 5x tilt session at a NLHE table i
  14. http://www.insidethebook.com/ee/index.php/...obama/#comments(See comment no. 3) Why is Shake posting in a political thread at the blog for cutting edge SABRmetric (baseball) research?
  15. Make it 24 +/-2. I'm going to start posting updates in here, on my road to 50+. This one was probably a 69/100, but it was an appealing 69 to me. Trim, nice eyes, good teeth, and into the guy who was pretending to be King of Soaring Eagle Resort and Casino. She was 27, on vacation with her mother and sisters, and had her own room. The sex was actually kinda fun, as she was just drunk enough not to care about my performance.EDIT- She asked if we should exchange numbers, and I told her I was just in town on business. I work for a minor league baseball team in North Carolina.
  16. Fuck, there's a guy from 30 rock with that hat? Now I can't wear it...
  17. I was playing craps last night with some friends after a night playing pineapple at Soaring Eagle, and we were stuck like 400 apiece. We were getting ready to call it a night, when we saw this old white guy wearing a bolo tie and a blue baseball cap that simply said "Team Cash" approach the table. Nobody said anything so as not to jinx it, but there was an instant understanding among the three of us that nobody was leaving until this guy shot. About 45 minutes later, we each peeled 50 bucks from our stacks to thank him. We offered him 50 more dollars if he would give us the Team Cash hat,
  18. I never pretended to be Asian. Cho Chang is in Harry Potter. She speaks with a Scottish accent, and I want nothing more than for her to voice her disappointment in my sexual performance in that beautiful brogue.
  19. I had a... very interesting day yesterday. But for now, I would just like to say that I would do unspeakable things to Cho Chang.
  20. For some reason, my thoughts on the issue of how I deal with people's feelings are coalescing nicely now. I think it's because this was one of the last things I thought of before I went to sleep last night, in addition to: "If I could live in a house made entirely of a single food, what food would it be?"When it comes to other people's feelings -- people I care about, not constricted solely to bitches -- I've always tried to be adaptive and empathetic, regardless of my opinion as to the rationality of those feelings. This is why, if I know a guy would be upset if I fooled around with his exg
  21. Every once in a while I like to receive an order. Sometimes a girl will say something like "Do NOT have sex with [so and so]," and, I'm going to admit this, I get kinda excited. I've had a lot of those "Derek, do NOT have sex with [so and so]" commands given to me, now that I think about it. Don't have sex with your exgirlfriend. Don't have sex with that MILFy waitress. I mean, really? You're worried I'm just going to suddenly become attractive to women? Just because YOUR tastes are terrible doesn't mean every attractive woman's are...Anyway, in semi-seriousness, I dated a girl once who
  22. Because a man's a man and that's the rules.
  23. At least twice weekly. I usually meet up with my friends there if we're doing something, or go there later in the night to wind down.If I were with a girl and she said, "Look, can you just please not be going to the strip club?" I'd probably make an effort to cut down the amount, but I don't know if I'd be able to eliminate it entirely. It would probably depend on her reasoning and how much I liked her. I don't use the Strip Club as a way to stare at naked women. I don't get lap dances. It just happens to be the place I meet up with my friends. They feel relaxed there. I do too, I guess
  24. I didn't give the most understandable version here, but I think it's the best way to handle these situations. I hate when people say stuff like, "She has NO RIGHT to be mad." Well, sure. But you knew she was going to be mad -- she TOLD you she was going to be mad -- and you did it anyway, which means you understood the consequences of your actions beforehand, and chose to do something that would make her mad for whatever reason. You have every right to do that, but turning around and pretending you don't bear some of the culpability is flat ridiculous. If you hate it that much, why are yo
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